Volatile

Volatile

God
Jun 18, 2018
1,286
i sort of do and it bugs me because it makes ctb harder. I feel that I won't feel comfortable ctb until my parents are dead. They're early 70s. My grandma lived into her 90s though so my mom probably will too. Fuck, man!
 
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Maravillosa

Maravillosa

Господи помилуй — мир в Україні!
Sep 7, 2018
689
I am very close to my mother: she would be a good friend of mine even it we were not related to each other. She is 78, bedridden, incontinent and with a failing short-term memory. I would not want to devastate her and force her to enter a convalescent home, which is what would happen if I were to ctb while she is still alive. My maternal grandmother ctb at the age of 70 and my maternal grandfather died in an accident in his 60s: my two maternal aunts who have died did so in their 70s (another two maternal aunts are still alive, but in poor health). I don't know how much longer Mom will live. With any luck, she could live another 10 or even 20 years.

Oh! Won't God allow me to go to Heaven before the year 2038? I want Mom to be in Heaven already when I die. Ah well!
 
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Mr2005

Mr2005

Don't shoot the messenger, give me the gun
Sep 25, 2018
3,622
No I do not
 
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S

Schopenhauer

Enlightened
Oct 3, 2018
1,133
Fortunately I do not. I loathe my extended family (and I merely like my parents and brother).
 
BurningLights

BurningLights

He killed himself with his own mind
Jul 2, 2018
709
Unfortunetly not, I have cousins and other family members I dont see or don't even remember.
 
M

Miss clefable

Enlightened
Aug 23, 2018
1,577
I have no one so I don't give a fuck
 
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N

Nofaith

...
Sep 16, 2018
343
Kind of, but only immediate family.
 
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T

TengoK

Member
Aug 1, 2018
95
I genuinely wish I had even a loose-knit family, some kind of support. 35 years estranged from an abusive father, no communication with my sister for two years (because we loathe each other), and my mother (my only close relative) passed away two years ago. Miss her dreadfully.
 
U

undertherainbow

Member
Sep 21, 2018
80
Both of my parents are narcissists and my brother is somewhere in NY well on his way to making millions. My other family are nutjobs.
I do have my husband and his family. They are very tight knit and taken me in as their own. I'm thankful for that because I know my husband would have a stellar support system when I'm gone.
 
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PsychoPyro

PsychoPyro

Chronic Pain
Jun 7, 2018
102
My parents are fucking sick of dealing with me and my brother seems to only want to permanently damage my body. My family is not only disappointed in me, but also view me as a waste of space.
 
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T

Throwaway563078

Experienced
Oct 6, 2018
272
Probably wouldn't be here if I had one
 
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jaemus12

jaemus12

Earth’s Parasite
May 11, 2018
562
I do. We are very close and I'm lucky to have a supporting family. It's been very hard lately recording video suicide notes and trying to figure out the best way to make sure I have everything in order for them because I know even though they'll be infuriated, they'll be devastated.

However, I think the negatives outweigh the positives of me being alive so this has to be done very soon.
 
Last edited:
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F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,348
i sort of do and it bugs me because it makes ctb harder. I feel that I won't feel comfortable ctb until my parents are dead. They're early 70s. My grandma lived into her 90s though so my mom probably will too. Fuck, man!
No, and yet I feel more like I need to stick around for some reason. I think coming off the adderall and working out most days of the week have eliminated my suicidal issues significantly but not the fear of how I'm going to solve my current problems. I still get fleeting thoughts of doing it but it's brief and I'm more able to distract myself from it.
 
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Wantingpeace

Wantingpeace

Wizard
Aug 16, 2018
672
Yes very close and i known will be devastated
 
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BurningLights

BurningLights

He killed himself with his own mind
Jul 2, 2018
709
Where have you been? It's been months
Hey volatile!
Well, its been interesting, new meds, better outlook on life for a very summed up TLDR. was gonna CTB on my birthday so came back here but little life things kept getting in the way. Now kinda floating between worlds! but I like it here :) how have you been?
 
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Volatile

Volatile

God
Jun 18, 2018
1,286
Hey volatile!
Well, its been interesting, new meds, better outlook on life for a very summed up TLDR. was gonna CTB on my birthday so came back here but little life things kept getting in the way. Now kinda floating between worlds! but I like it here :) how have you been?
That's good to hear! I keep bouncing back and forth between wanting to die and stay alive. I just wish it was all over. Life is so exhausting especially when I keep looking for purpose and significance everywhere .
 
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BurningLights

BurningLights

He killed himself with his own mind
Jul 2, 2018
709
That's good to hear! I keep bouncing back and forth between wanting to die and stay alive. I just wish it was all over. Life is so exhausting especially when I keep looking for purpose and significance everywhere .
Its a strange place to be in, everytime I think I'm gonna do it, something crops up, so I take it as a sign to not do it, but I dont know why I'm not meant to die.
The new meds help, so I'm not flooded with suicidal thoughts 24/7.
I think when it comes people like us, we'll float around until the time comes.
 
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Tonic

Tonic

Another human
Sep 11, 2018
15
I am very close to my mother: she would be a good friend of mine even it we were not related to each other. She is 78, bedridden, incontinent and with a failing short-term memory. I would not want to devastate her and force her to enter a convalescent home, which is what would happen if I were to ctb while she is still alive. My maternal grandmother ctb at the age of 70 and my maternal grandfather died in an accident in his 60s: my two maternal aunts who have died did so in their 70s (another two maternal aunts are still alive, but in poor health). I don't know how much longer Mom will live. With any luck, she could live another 10 or even 20 years.

Oh! Won't God allow me to go to Heaven before the year 2038? I want Mom to be in Heaven already when I die. Ah well!

My mother and I are also very close, and she once told me that if she were to become bedridden, incontinent or had any kind of dementia that makes her unable to take care of herself, I should always give her the peaceful pill. She'd rather die than continue to live in such a poor state.

But I guess I won't ever outlive her. I have always wanted to die before I turn 30, and now I even wanted to do it sooner.
Last week I looked at her in the eyes and said I wanted to die. Now we are avoiding the topic altogether and she's trying to talk me into antidepressants.
 
ThisIsTheEnd

ThisIsTheEnd

Waste of oxygen
Aug 22, 2018
90
I'm very close to my Mum and sister, and know that when I ctb it will devastate them. My Dads a cunt, who has never cared about me, just continues to force me to be him, except younger.
 
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C

chrisdesign

Member
Oct 3, 2018
15
Sort of. But emotionally not easily aproachable. We care for each other but noone can talk about deeper thoughts,feelings...
 
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C

chrisdesign

Member
Oct 3, 2018
15
I'm very close to my Mum and sister, and know that when I ctb it will devastate them. My Dads a cunt, who has never cared about me, just continues to force me to be him, except younger.
Some dads are just like that. And do u live in a common flat or do u live separately? If u are on your own then your farher cannot really tell u what to do on a daily basis.
 
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Volatile

Volatile

God
Jun 18, 2018
1,286
Its a strange place to be in, everytime I think I'm gonna do it, something crops up, so I take it as a sign to not do it, but I dont know why I'm not meant to die.
The new meds help, so I'm not flooded with suicidal thoughts 24/7.
I think when it comes people like us, we'll float around until the time comes.
It's nice to know that it will happen even if its not today
 
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ThisIsTheEnd

ThisIsTheEnd

Waste of oxygen
Aug 22, 2018
90
Some dads are just like that. And do u live in a common flat or do u live separately? If u are on your own then your farher cannot really tell u what to do on a daily basis.
I live with him, and the rest of my immediate family, cause I'm still at school. If i'm still alive in a couple of years, I'm gonna leave as soon as I can.
 
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ParamitePie

ParamitePie

Experienced
Oct 11, 2018
218
I'm close with my mother, but not with the rest of my family. I love them, but we only ever meet or talk once or twice a year, if that. My family's kind of a mess, with all sorts of nonsense power politics going on for the past decade or so. It's all so tiresome.
 
R

Roph

Specialist
Sep 24, 2018
355
My family is about as disconnected as one can be.
 
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TheGoodGuy

TheGoodGuy

Visionary
Aug 27, 2018
2,999
Yup pretty much the only reason I haven´t ctb yet. I planned on doing it by late August when my finances would run out but the guilt of leaving my parents with so much pain prevented me from doing it.
 
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Rocky M

Rocky M

I'm A Monster
Jun 20, 2018
213
My family's close with each other, I'm outta the loop though. They're the ones who abused me, I refuse to be close to them
 
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