Anyone else had to deal with psychosis?

[fedup1982]

I've had my worst episode of "psychosis" ever. And I put it in quotes because I still fucking believe I had a conspiracy after me. And it's also the worst ever because this has been going on for 10 months now.

It was fking hell. Now it's reduced to just being rather unpleasant at times. But multiple times a day I'm triggered still, eg when I hear anyone's notification ping I feel like it could be a message of sorts for me, like the conspiracy is sarcastically saying to me "tada, be afraid, be very afraid". I still can't stop looking at number plates for hidden meanings either

 

[Yume Nikki]

Yes, I was diagnosed in the psych ward not long after believing that I was being followed, stalked, or that the police were after me with no evidence. Then I somehow got a manic episode a few days ago after my brother kept starting fights with me for days on end. My friends do not want to speak to me after my episode ended and I feel embarrassed/humiliated afterwards. We do not choose to have them.

 

[fedup1982]

Yes, I was diagnosed in the psych ward not long after believing that I was being followed, stalked, or that the police were after me with no evidence. Then I somehow got a manic episode a few days ago after my brother kept starting fights with me for days on end. My friends do not want to speak to me after my episode ended and I feel embarrassed/humiliated afterwards. We do not choose to have them.

Thank you so much for replying! Sounds incredibly similar to my episode this time. I've lost all my friends too, assuming they weren't part of the conspiracy, and if they weren't, I don't think I could go back I just don't want to have to deal with all that with everything going on in my mind, it's exhausting.

How long were you in the psych ward for? How long ago? I had a full 2 months in there and it was hell. What exactly happened with your brother? Are you two talking now at least?

 

[lysergamide]

i've been diagnosed with chronic psychosis, problem is, i don't think i have it sooooo???

 

[fedup1982]

i've been diagnosed with chronic psychosis, problem is, i don't think i have it sooooo???

Yeah it's a weird situation to be in. I take the medication anyway just in case it is helping, idk if you feel the same?

 

[lysergamide]

Yeah it's a weird situation to be in. I take the medication anyway just in case it is helping, idk if you feel the same?

i don't think i have a conspiracy against me, i just had like two terrible things happening to me in a short while that destroyed me and rendered me jobless and a mess, it destroyed my mental health, i was so stressed out i'd faint or burst out in tears telling my shrink about it and she just stamped me with the chronic psychosis bs. I don't take my meds, she gave me two antipsychotics and they don't do shit so i stopped taking them, it's seroquel. I mean i just took them in bulk of six pills when i wanted to sleep my days off and then, they quickly run out. I don't see a difference besides "i sleep" and "i don't sleep". She gave me SSRIS cause she also stamped me with chronic depression. they only make me sweat at night, i don't take them anymore. Seriously this is all bs.

 

[fedup1982]

i don't think i have a conspiracy against me, i just had like two terrible things happening to me in a short while that destroyed me and rendered me jobless and a mess, it destroyed my mental health, i was so stressed out i'd faint or burst out in tears telling my shrink about it and she just stamped me with the chronic psychosis bs. I don't take my meds, she gave me two antipsychotics and they don't do shit so i stopped taking them, it's seroquel. I mean i just took them in bulk of six pills when i wanted to sleep my days off and then, they quickly run out. I don't see a difference besides "i sleep" and "i don't sleep". She gave me SSRIS cause she also stamped me with chronic depression. they only make me sweat at night, i don't take them anymore. Seriously this is all bs.

Ah I think I get you now. It's weird how they'd label you with those things when from what you're telling me it does seem like you don't have symptoms after all

 

[trying ungracefully]

Yeah twice due to mania. It was the worst experience for me and my family and it's why I'm willing to be medicated for the rest of my life like I should. Sometimes I still get into some of the delusions but I push them far away which is definitely easier with medication.

Also I look for meanings in license plates too lol.

 

[soon4good]

Only if I've stayed up for a week but not to that extent otherwise personally.

 

[Lostandfound82]

Yes, I have had two episodes of psychosis and I am forever scarred from them and terrified of going through it again. Feel free to message me if you would like to share experiences.

 

[fedup1982]

Yeah twice due to mania. It was the worst experience for me and my family and it's why I'm willing to be medicated for the rest of my life like I should. Sometimes I still get into some of the delusions but I push them far away which is definitely easier with medication.

Also I look for meanings in license plates too lol.

Thanks also for your reply! It's nice to know I'm not the only one that has these symptoms.

Well done with the progress you've made, it definitely is a hard experience

 

[hopelessnight]

The stronger psychosis I had was last year for a few months when I was convinced that I would die on a specific day in July. The terrible thing is that as scared as I was at the idea when the day came and I realized that I was still alive at dawn the next day I was sad because I thought about the fact I would have to spend the rest of my life suffering and surviving in this world.

 

[DeletedUser123xyz]

I feel like I was in one for months and months on end.

The worst part is when you start to feel more sane again, then look back on all of it and try to figure out what you imagined and what actually happened. Because although people just say your crazy, I'm sure you didn't imagine everything.

 

[ElTopo]

I've had my worst episode of "psychosis" ever. And I put it in quotes because I still fucking believe I had a conspiracy after me. And it's also the worst ever because this has been going on for 10 months now.

It was fking hell. Now it's reduced to just being rather unpleasant at times. But multiple times a day I'm triggered still, eg when I hear anyone's notification ping I feel like it could be a message of sorts for me, like the conspiracy is sarcastically saying to me "tada, be afraid, be very afraid". I still can't stop looking at number plates for hidden meanings either

Haven't personally but I've had people close to me suffering from psychosis and hysteria. It wasn't pleasant, I really hope you get better.

 

[fedup1982]

I feel like I was in one for months and months on end.

The worst part is when you start to feel more sane again, then look back on all of it and try to figure out what you imagined and what actually happened. Because although people just say your crazy, I'm sure you didn't imagine everything.

Yeh I'm going through that now. What was real? What wasn't? It gets exhausting

The stronger psychosis I had was last year for a few months when I was convinced that I would die on a specific day in July. The terrible thing is that as scared as I was at the idea when the day came and I realized that I was still alive at dawn the next day I was sad because I thought about the fact I would have to spend the rest of my life suffering and surviving in this world.

I'm sorry to hear that, that must have been a mind bender

 

[aleaiactaest]

Yeah I've had to deal with psychosis. My episodes have ranged from a few hours to lasting months or longer. There was one day where I was briefly convinced I was being Truman Show'd lol. The worst manic episode of my life also put me into a psych ward. The paranoia makes maintaining relationships nearly impossible.

So yeah I feel you. This shit sucks.

 

[fedup1982]

Yeah I've had to deal with psychosis. My episodes have ranged from a few hours to lasting months or longer. There was one day where I was briefly convinced I was being Truman Show'd lol. The worst manic episode of my life also put me into a psych ward. The paranoia makes maintaining relationships nearly impossible.

So yeah I feel you. This shit sucks.

I swear the long ones are the worst, kinda gives you PTSD I think

 

[aleaiactaest]

I swear the long ones are the worst, kinda gives you PTSD I think

For sure. CPTSD is a very real thing. My visit to the ward was a few months ago and I still haven't really recovered from it. What's really terrible about it is the guilt that comes after, and the reactions of the people in your circle validating certain fears and such.

At least for my own life experience, it starts with a psychotic episode, then people get sick of dealing with it and check out which exacerbates the paranoia, and the exacerbated paranoia makes episodes worse and more frequent, and the cycle repeats.

Meds definitely help but my doses are so high that I'm basically lobotomized for most of the day when I take them.

 

[FoxSauce]

No ive never experienced psychosis but I've heard is like hell.

 

[fedup1982]

For sure. CPTSD is a very real thing. My visit to the ward was a few months ago and I still haven't really recovered from it. What's really terrible about it is the guilt that comes after, and the reactions of the people in your circle validating certain fears and such.

At least for my own life experience, it starts with a psychotic episode, then people get sick of dealing with it and check out which exacerbates the paranoia, and the exacerbated paranoia makes episodes worse and more frequent, and the cycle repeats.

Meds definitely help but my doses are so high that I'm basically lobotomized for most of the day when I take them.

Yeh I get that. I'm sorry it's still so fresh for you. It's been 6mo since I left the ward and I'm still getting flashbacks and doubting my judgement, and have lost touch with most of my friends thinking they're part of the conspiracy. Then having to deal with normal life on top, it's a nightmare

 

[aleaiactaest]

Yeh I get that. I'm sorry it's still so fresh for you. It's been 6mo since I left the ward and I'm still getting flashbacks and doubting my judgement, and have lost touch with most of my friends thinking they're part of the conspiracy. Then having to deal with normal life on top, it's a nightmare

Wish I had more to say but... yeah. It's tough. Solidarity, at least

Proud of us for making it this far, though.

 

[madwoman]

I'm still haunted by my psychotic episode in 2020 that landed my in a psych ward. It is wild my mind went there and I'm terrified it'll happen again. I had delusion of grandeur, and also thinking everything had meanings, and thought my life was going to be so great where I didn't have to worry about anything and I'd finally be happy - like I was soooo very high on life. What occurred during it and all was so traumatic. I've been diagnosed with bipolar 1 with psychotic features. I've had manic episodes that could have lead me to that state again but thankfully I didn't get a full one. But yeah the meanings in things still get me to an extent (not like in that episode where I felt like the guy from A Beautiful Mind). I needed someone to tell me what is real and not real - I'm still not over it but it took a long time to both come down from that feeling and to get past it a bit. I'm glad I'm not alone.

 

[fedup1982]

I'm still haunted by my psychotic episode in 2020 that landed my in a psych ward. It is wild my mind went there and I'm terrified it'll happen again. I had delusion of grandeur, and also thinking everything had meanings, and thought my life was going to be so great where I didn't have to worry about anything and I'd finally be happy - like I was soooo very high on life. What occurred during it and all was so traumatic. I've been diagnosed with bipolar 1 with psychotic features. I've had manic episodes that could have lead me to that state again but thankfully I didn't get a full one. But yeah the meanings in things still get me to an extent (not like in that episode where I felt like the guy from A Beautiful Mind). I needed someone to tell me what is real and not real - I'm still not over it but it took a long time to both come down from that feeling and to get past it a bit. I'm glad I'm not alone.

Well done for getting this far, I'm sorry it's taken so long to get to this point. Please may I ask what sort of things you found meanings in? I ask because I compulsively try to find meanings in number plates still, I wish I didn't

 

[madwoman]

Well done for getting this far, I'm sorry it's taken so long to get to this point. Please may I ask what sort of things you found meanings in? I ask because I compulsively try to find meanings in number plates still, I wish I didn't

Well done for getting this far, I'm sorry it's taken so long to get to this point. Please may I ask what sort of things you found meanings in? I ask because I compulsively try to find meanings in number plates still, I wish I didn't

Thank you. I was finding meanings in songs and currently I'm suicidal so I take anything to mean I know it's my time and this is right. I have to stay away from things like conspiracy theories or psychological thrillers or things like cults or anything like that - I can't let my mind get wrapped up.

The thing is, people without mental illness believe in signs, have superstitions, believe in certain conspiracy theories, or even like Taylor Swift believes in numerology and Easter eggs & it all makes me spiral. So it's hard to say when I've taken the delusions too far.

When I feel like my mind is starting to obsess in meanings and delusions, I have to distract my mind with things that are real and simple and comforts - I need to stay in the black and white bc I get lost in the grey.

So if I believe in meanings in license plates for instance (I don't but I can see my mind doing that & can understand why it happens), I'd do a few things. I'd make it into a fact - like oh that license plate says these letters and numbers, all license plates have to and sometimes people pay for phrases but that's expensive so most people just are given a random assortment. Or if be like oh that license plate has the number 8, that's my fave number. Or that one spells out a funny word. Or I just be like oh that one is pretty. Just calm reminders to myself that they are what they are and they don't mean anything other than cars being assigned license plates. I may avoid looking at them and if I catch myself looking and fixating, I might distract my mind and just be like yup that is a license plate and then think about something else like the color of a car or where I am going or sing a long to a song. Or tell myself it is okay that my mind is thinking a license plate means something but remind myself that it's not a fact.

That's long and not sure if it's helpful but that's what I got do, talk to myself in my head to soothe myself when my mind start believing something that isn't real. It might even help to ask someone who you feel knows reality to bring you back and let you know it's not real.

 

[fedup1982]

Thank you. I was finding meanings in songs and currently I'm suicidal so I take anything to mean I know it's my time and this is right. I have to stay away from things like conspiracy theories or psychological thrillers or things like cults or anything like that - I can't let my mind get wrapped up.

The thing is, people without mental illness believe in signs, have superstitions, believe in certain conspiracy theories, or even like Taylor Swift believes in numerology and Easter eggs & it all makes me spiral. So it's hard to say when I've taken the delusions too far.

When I feel like my mind is starting to obsess in meanings and delusions, I have to distract my mind with things that are real and simple and comforts - I need to stay in the black and white bc I get lost in the grey.

So if I believe in meanings in license plates for instance (I don't but I can see my mind doing that & can understand why it happens), I'd do a few things. I'd make it into a fact - like oh that license plate says these letters and numbers, all license plates have to and sometimes people pay for phrases but that's expensive so most people just are given a random assortment. Or if be like oh that license plate has the number 8, that's my fave number. Or that one spells out a funny word. Or I just be like oh that one is pretty. Just calm reminders to myself that they are what they are and they don't mean anything other than cars being assigned license plates. I may avoid looking at them and if I catch myself looking and fixating, I might distract my mind and just be like yup that is a license plate and then think about something else like the color of a car or where I am going or sing a long to a song. Or tell myself it is okay that my mind is thinking a license plate means something but remind myself that it's not a fact.

That's long and not sure if it's helpful but that's what I got do, talk to myself in my head to soothe myself when my mind start believing something that isn't real. It might even help to ask someone who you feel knows reality to bring you back and let you know it's not real.

Thank you for explaining! That sounds like a good technique for combatting needing to find meanings in things, it reminds me of the technique I was told, grounding, because looking for meanings can really get me in a panic. Well done for what you've done to try and stay grounded too, it can be so hard. Well, you gave me really good advice and you sound like a lovely person so I hope you do find a way to avoid thinking that it's your time, I hope you get through this stage unscathed so you can spread more light in this world

 

[Vorty30]

I've had my worst episode of "psychosis" ever. And I put it in quotes because I still fucking believe I had a conspiracy after me. And it's also the worst ever because this has been going on for 10 months now.

It was fking hell. Now it's reduced to just being rather unpleasant at times. But multiple times a day I'm triggered still, eg when I hear anyone's notification ping I feel like it could be a message of sorts for me, like the conspiracy is sarcastically saying to me "tada, be afraid, be very afraid". I still can't stop looking at number plates for hidden meanings either

I... Had a "situation" apparently back in 2023 with something like that happening. I also put situation in quotes because like you, at times I don't really buy it that it was me who had it in my head. God knows what may be happening out there in the wilds.
Thing tortured me for 3 or so months, till it stopped. And no, it did not stop because of fucking medications.
Because people jump me with the whole, do you take pills for it crap.
But yeah, chances are it was real, because I hardly buy it at times. Even if I was drunk on 3 vodkas and slapped a couple of beers on top that I probably would not have had a situation like that, but sure, psychosis it is then.

 

[fedup1982]

I... Had a "situation" apparently back in 2023 with something like that happening. I also put situation in quotes because like you, at times I don't really buy it that it was me who had it in my head. God knows what may be happening out there in the wilds.
Thing tortured me for 3 or so months, till it stopped. And no, it did not stop because of fucking medications.
Because people jump me with the whole, do you take pills for it crap.
But yeah, chances are it was real, because I hardly buy it at times. Even if I was drunk on 3 vodkas and slapped a couple of beers on top that I probably would not have had a situation like that, but sure, psychosis it is then.

I get it! Reading what you said I was thinking it was the same things I could have said

 

[Vorty30]

I get it! Reading what you said I was thinking it was the same things I could have said

If you wish... Maybe I can go more into detail via the DM thing.
Worst part of this is like it's this mystery straight out of the Twilight Zone that to present day I never got an answer to.

 

[katara]

I don't know what is up with me. Every time I tried getting help in the past they just wanted to give me SSRIs. I suggested needing something else but they refused.
Maybe that's what I have. I've had many issues with understanding people, making friends, communicating. I think I'm getting through to someone and connecting but then they stop talking to me. I don't know. I've had paranoid thoughts before bc I don't know what's wrong.

 

[fedup1982]

I think it was the way my brain found to survive the first months to a trauma that destroyed my life forever. The idea of dying soon was scary due to SI, but I felt lighter from the other problems I had. Especially I wasn't thinking about how to handle with that for the rest of my life. After I realized I wouldn't die I stopped to eat during 2 weeks loosing 20 kg, and when I started to eat again I didn't feel any taste. I've been ending up in the hospital every week for panic attacks which didn't let me breathe or feel my heart and I had several hallucination every day. After a long pharmacological treatment I reduced those episodes but now it's starting again and I'm sick of it.

Btw I feel you. I always wonder if what I lived was real or not. But I think the answer is in the middle. All human beings are used to consider real only experiences that can share with others, but what do we really know about us and life in this little planet? I think we just need to belive we already know everything we experience with, cuz the aware of not knowing something is frightening..


Here one of my episodes I wrote last year:

It's morning,
around 7:30, and I've spent the whole night half asleep.
I find myself lying in bed, my face turned outward, my eyes half-closed.
I must have just woken up, I tell myself, although I can't remember the exact moment I became aware.
From the foot of the bed next to me, I feel a vague silhouette approaching me.
Her hand gently caresses my back, its air cold yet reassuring.
I think it's my sister, but I'm too tired to close my eyes or open them fully.
I imagined she just wanted to be next to me, and I thought that was fine.
Immediately afterward, she decides to lean against the right side of the bed, which begins to sink.
I remain absent until the figure rises and prepares to cast its shadow on my back.
Now it's behind me, intent on lying on top of me.
Its strange body begins to press and progressively advance, compressing my ribs with its weight.
At that point, I turn to look for visual confirmation, but there's no one there.

God that must have been terrifying. On the plus side it seems like your mind is processing it gradually but we'll, I hope that continues for you. Some things in life are so traumatic and this is one of them!

I don't know what is up with me. Every time I tried getting help in the past they just wanted to give me SSRIs. I suggested needing something else but they refused.
Maybe that's what I have. I've had many issues with understanding people, making friends, communicating. I think I'm getting through to someone and connecting but then they stop talking to me. I don't know. I've had paranoid thoughts before bc I don't know what's wrong.

Yeah it does sound like you need something other than SSRIs! But I'm not a doctor, maybe they're doing you a favour, maybe they're making a mistake, its hard to know. If uncertain maybe get a second opinion if that's possible? Finding it hard to connect with people is its own problem, without social ties its all too easy to completely spiral