Mari&mewo
Member
- Feb 11, 2023
- 12
I have a fairly well rounded understanding of a few ways I could go... largely hanging full suspension but also partial. If i had the space without my family who im living with it wouldnt be hard. Also charcoal sounds like a soothing way to go... but hanging, that's the closest I've ever gotten to like- actually going through with it. now a-days the effort to compile something that would actually work seemed like too much. I'm only here because of inertia... not because I want to be. a little part of me is just resigned to thinking I'm too stupid to actually get a decent method set up. So- I try not to bother my loved ones with my suicidal feelings when I know I won't do anything. doesn't mean I don't think about it once a week for easily 6+ years-
I'm taking much better care of myself. medication three times a day, force feeding myself... I'm so tired of feeding myself. I wish i could ask my family to make me food when im hungry and have no spoons- but they're already unhappy with how much they have to do for me. I have a job now, I'm around my partner and friends again... I'm making more friends. things are working out better now. why am I still so convinced the only real solution to how overwhelmed the expectations to "grow up" is to off myself? and every second I'm awake I'm just failing more.
I'm taking much better care of myself. medication three times a day, force feeding myself... I'm so tired of feeding myself. I wish i could ask my family to make me food when im hungry and have no spoons- but they're already unhappy with how much they have to do for me. I have a job now, I'm around my partner and friends again... I'm making more friends. things are working out better now. why am I still so convinced the only real solution to how overwhelmed the expectations to "grow up" is to off myself? and every second I'm awake I'm just failing more.