anyone else finds themselves indulging in sweets because they know they’ll be gone soon…?

[bambibambam]

hello, i just slammed an entire pint of ben & jerry's ice cream and i've been ordering takeout like crazy these days. i don't know if this information is important but i struggle with an eating disorder (bulimia) and i'm very self conscious with what i put in my mouth…but the days leading up to my ctb i stopped caring about my eating habits, i mean it's not like it was healthy to begin with but i kind of just have this "fuck it" mindset right now because i'm gonna ctb soon. does anyone else get where i'm coming from..?

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Yes, I do that too sometimes.

 

[restlessdream3r]

Yes. I am the same way. I slide between restricting/ binging. Super hard to deal with. For most of my life I've stayed in the habit of restricting and I've been able to stay underweight because of that. I haven't been caring much these past few weeks because I know that the end is soon and I've binged like crazy. Which then makes me feels worse about my body, makes me even more depressed and disgusted. I hate leaving the house. It's a horrible cycle.

 

[Clowndollie]

Yess I struggle with this exact thing as well. I suddenly eat a lot more than I usually do. It makes me feel terrible :(

 

[bambibambam]

Yes. I am the same way. I slide between restricting/ binging. Super hard to deal with. For most of my life I've stayed in the habit of restricting and I've been able to stay underweight because of that. I haven't been caring much these past few weeks because I know that the end is soon and I've binged like crazy. Which then makes me feels worse about my body, makes me even more depressed and disgusted. I hate leaving the house. It's a horrible cycle.

you've summed it up perfectly. sending you so much love, i've been in this cycle for years now.

 

[Abysicle]

I've known since I was YOUNG young that we'd all die one day. Idk if being suicidal from that age did anything about this but I've always kinda lived with the knowledge that I could die tomorrow. Hasn't made my life good or anything, it really just be a lifestyle thing.

 

[Forveleth]

I am an emotional eater and my depression makes me want to eat a ton of sugar. However, the last antidepressant I was on, among other things, made me SUPER fat. It's partially the reason I gave up on medication. So, as a bit of a "fuck you" to my failed medication and therapy, I got in shape. I'm in the mindset of "I have done everything you're supposed to do to be happy and none of it works, what now asshole?" So it's my goal to stay physically healthy.

That said, damn do I love chocolate and BBQ! Also lots of wine and whiskey.

 

[Metalhead]

Crisps, sweets & chocolate pretty much on a daily basis, haven't cooked a meal in months.

 

[willitpass]

Currently eating very sweet candy as I read this.

 

[BojackHorseman]

Oh I very much understand. When I was actively suicidal as an older teen/young adult I took it farther than food. Not only did I eat everything my heart desired, I smoked all the cigaretts my body would let me, had unsafe sex, and just did generally stupid and unsafe things. Cause I planed on dying anyways. Your definitely not odd or peculiar for thinking and feeling that way.

 

[destinationlosangel]

YE YES YES lol and it makes total sense anyway

 

[Ambivalent1]

I bought a box of candy from the store. Was disgusting and threw it out. Hadn't eaten candy in 10+ yrs. Now I eat dried mangoes. Much better

 

[rozeske]

Very relatable. The only thing I look forward to these days.

 

[MyNameIsRavi]

Yeah, i totally get it. When i attempted to CTB a while ago I bought a bunch of take-away, whiskey, cheetos etc. I basically just slammed stuff down until i couldn't anymore. I didn't really care so long as I had enough alcohol and aspirin in my system beforehand. I've always struggled with overeating my whole life and flipped into heavy restriction since i started taking medication for my ADHD two years ago. I figured if i was going to die I at least owed it to myself to enjoy the basic act of eating guilt-free for once. Not like calories or my weight are going to matter if I'm dead anyway.

 

[PINKIESISU]

hello, i just slammed an entire pint of ben & jerry's ice cream and i've been ordering takeout like crazy these days. i don't know if this information is important but i struggle with an eating disorder (bulimia) and i'm very self conscious with what i put in my mouth…but the days leading up to my ctb i stopped caring about my eating habits, i mean it's not like it was healthy to begin with but i kind of just have this "fuck it" mindset right now because i'm gonna ctb soon. does anyone else get where i'm coming from..?

I've been doing that for years I eat what I want and I don't give a shit I get drunk whenever I want I don't give a shit I feel like smoking a cigarette I do that I don't give a shit it's actually quite freeing I have no concerns about any health trouble whatsoever I couldn't care less I eat fat foods I ate fat a chicken skin I eat everything I don't care

 

[mtoro998]

Ive been doing exactly this haha. Before I was health concious but now I dont care if I get diabetes or anything. Im not planning on living past this year. Might as well enjoy myself before I go.

 

[hopelessgirl]

Yes

 

[cinderdust]

I alternate between maybe 500 calories a day to binging the greasiest, nastiest junk food imaginable in true 'Murican portions. Usually within the same week.

 

[tary]

I just finished a three-egg omelette with 200 grams of bacon bits for breakfast. I'm planning to CTB in autumn and don't intend to diet before it, lol. I'm trying to enjoy myself as much as I can before I leave.