anyone else feel like their life is already over?

[glowing.purple.aura]

pretty much just the title

I've been putting off submitting my college transfer application for two or so months now just because it's so hard for me to care about life anymore. I also lost complete interest in my previous major (Biology) after only like a semester and a half even though in high school it was what I based my entire life around. I genuinely have ZERO hope for the future and I don't even have the energy to think anymore so I'm just switching to a major I can do mindlessly (just anything with a lot of math).

All I do every day is sleep for 12+ hours and then scroll on social media to serve as a distraction while I brace for the end of the world. I'm so tired of surviving instead of living, and just...

SOOOOOOOOOO TIRED of people acting like everything's fine like omg your lack of urgency is actually killing me

I'm also so nauseous while typing this (like always because of my meds) but my mom's refusing to let me switch to the ketamine my psychiatrist suggested even though I explained to her it's only a Schedule III drug (low-to-moderate physical and psychological dependency if any) the same mom who claims she's done EVERYTHING to help me and "if killing my self's what I have to do, it's what I have to do because she's done all she can"

There's just no point in trying anymore. Especially for me since I have nobody left in my life to keep living and being productive for.

 

[logar]

Yeah.. this is exactly how I feel. My life is completely fucked. I don't have the energy to even do anything anymore, lol. I just lay in bed and think about how horrible my life is and how I even ended up at this point. Everyone in my life just hates me too. No passion for anything, and no energy. It's a horrible kind of pain that I'm really sorry that you also have to go through. I'm wishing that everything will end up well for you in the end. :)

 

[Forever Sleep]

More that my hoped for life is over. I don't have enough ambition/ want for it now. I have no motivation to pursue it anymore.

My situation is different though. I'm older, employed and living alone. I hate having to sustain all of this but then, I also hate even more- the crap I'd get from my parents/ family if I needed their help. Homelessness scares me too.

For me, it's more that I'm desperate to be able to just let go and go NEET but, I don't feel like I can. So therefore- suicide is always beckoning.