Anyone else feel bad for your parents once you ctb?

[hunter_lewis]

Won't feel bad at all. My parents have created a foundation for a terrible life. Not to blame them fully - but it is about 70% their fault. My dad knocked up my mom for some reason and had me by accident. My mom is barely a human being actually. She can barely speak English and meanwhile my dad cannot stop speaking. Their relationship makes me uncomfortable because I see the colonialism in it. The fetishism (my mom is Asian and my dad is white). I think my dad only married my mom due to catholic beliefs about taking care of a child. I also grew up in poverty until 4th grade and we made it to the middle class. But my mom was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia so it basically ruined my life (and hers).

I'm pretty sure I have several personality disorders and addiction problems due to the environment they created (Just examining my high school and college experience). I literally have no feelings of love toward my parents. This has caused me to have social and relationship problems. My life was over before it even began tbh.

That sounds very sad.
But what does a white person marrying an Asian have to do with colonialism? Maybe your dad loved your mother or he found her attractive? He could have dumped you both, but he did the right thing in that situation and stayed with you. Obviously, I don't know the whole story and I can't judge,I can only say my impression based on your post. And your mom didn't know about her disease till later-that is not her fault either. The way you describe it your parents seem pretty decent in comparison to others, but I don't know the full story.

 

[Sanguinius]

I really don't want to hurt them with my suicide, but life is just unbearable for me now. It's a tough situation because I can't go on too much longer yet I don't want to hurt them. But they need to understand I'm suffering. If they love me, they'll let me go. I wish I could talk to them about suicide but they couldn't handle it. Sorry mum and dad.

Oh yes. Exactly the same. But so far, It's MY life and MY decision.
They will be hurt, yes. But... They have brought me in the world without asking, and I have the right to leave it without asking.

 

[hunter_lewis]

I have the feeling that some people here are blaming their families for things that the family couldn't have foreseen such as divorce, illness etc.
Your parents are people too-not everything can be foreseen. I personally think getting a divorce if your relationship is working is a good idea, as long as the kid can see each parent. Getting sick is something one cannot foresee either. Life is not perfect-we just have to accept that and maybe not blame everything on our parents. Of course, if the parent is abusive, mean, neglects their kids etc that is bad, but you cannot blame your parents for everything that went wrong in life.

 

[hunter_lewis]

My parents weren't perfect either, my father is choleric and very hard to be around, and we didn't really celebrate holidays much whilst growing up, but I know my parents did their best and that they are kind people. It devastates me to leave them, because I worry about them in their old age. But I am not leaving because I am unhappy, but because of my overwhelming chronic pain.

 

[okyeah]

That sounds very sad.
But what does a white person marrying an Asian have to do with colonialism? Maybe your dad loved your mother or he found her attractive? He could have dumped you both, but he did the right thing in that situation and stayed with you. Obviously, I don't know the whole story and I can't judge,I can only say my impression based on your post. And your mom didn't know about her disease till later-that is not her fault either. The way you describe it your parents seem pretty decent in comparison to others, but I don't know the full story.

It's not politically correct to say what I said but I don't care because I am the product of it. Essentially, my dad is a massive narcissist. So much so that I believe he may be on the spectrum. His "love" for my mom is through a narcissistic lense. He will literally go 20 minutes just talking to hear himself talk while no one else barely says anything. I believe he saw someone he could dominate and someone who was so meek that they didn't have any real preference for who they would date. Honestly not sure my mom ever had a boyfriend lol.

Sure my parents are decent. It doesn't excuse the uncomfortable idea that that they created a pit for me to climb out of. I never really had a chance tbh. I never really realized how under-socialized I was until later. I have some disorder, I just don't really know what it is exactly. Besides the severe depression that is

 

[StillWaiting]

I feel bad for my dad I guess.
My mother was kinda the reason why I turn out like this.

 

[MsM3talGamer]

Nope. They've driven me to this. They can reap what they've sown.

 

[Crest33]

I would prefer not to hurt them. But that's inevitable.

 

[Empty Smile]

My dad has been gone for about 19 years. Mom will be upset, but I gotta do what I think is best for me

 

[DeletedUser4739]

I really don't want to hurt them with my suicide, but life is just unbearable for me now. It's a tough situation because I can't go on too much longer yet I don't want to hurt them. But they need to understand I'm suffering. If they love me, they'll let me go. I wish I could talk to them about suicide but they couldn't handle it. Sorry mum and dad.

I really don't want to hurt them with my suicide, but life is just unbearable for me now. It's a tough situation because I can't go on too much longer yet I don't want to hurt them. But they need to understand I'm suffering. If they love me, they'll let me go. I wish I could talk to them about suicide but they couldn't handle it. Sorry mum and dad.

It's kind and compassionate of you to think of your parents' experience in this. Have you tried talking to them? Many people are highly uncomfortable even coming close to talking about such feelings, the experiences that bring one there, afflictions that keep one there...it may be worth a try, but your hesitation there is understandable. Everyday I think of the impact of my ongoing illnesses, as well of theirs on all our lives. Regardless of their flaws, and how they've manifested in my being, I still care deeply and do not want either of them to suffer any more either. It's one of the, if not the thing that's keeping me here. I just can't tell if it's for better or for worse so much of the time. It's all so overwhelming.

 

[311]

Yeah itll kill my mother

 

[DeletedUser4739]

We all hurt each other equally, suicide will hurt them, you being forced to live will hurt you. There are no winners in this. Regardless the world will keep turning. Grief eventually fades becoming a somber memory and those who grieve for you will eventually turn to dust and remember nothing. What does it all mean I don't know. The fact you care though means you obviously have love for the people in your life. Although I doubt they will ever respect your decision because they love you. It just goes too much against ingrained nature of decent parents to be protective towards their kids. It does not matter if you are eight or forty.

Sure I feel bad for them when I leave them behind. But they are not living my daily pain and are in no position to help resolve it regardless of what well meaning intent they may have. Sorrow and loss are simply natural aspects of life unfortunately.

What does it all mean... I don't know either. All this humanity, and somehow this plagues us all, in one form or another. With science now studying whether or not we carry memories of our ancestors in our genes adds yet another layer to all this.

 

[Armadillo]

I don't give a shit. Well, actually, I hope my death will hurt those scumbags somehow, I really do.

I can't even think about all the ways they made everything worse for me, I still think I would have eventually ended up in the same position even with decent human beings as parents but lets digress. I never DEMANDED support from them, just not to fuck things up more than they already were.

And besides that, after my previous attempt when we were going to the hospital and I said that I was gonna try to CTB again my father told me to do so so they'd have one problem less to think about. So yeah, fuck them...

 

[wanttodie]

no as My mum and dad is dead

 

[therhydler]

Yes the thought of it actually makes me sick i know i will ruin their lives but i have no other way out

 

[johnny]

Yea my mom is the only reason why I haven't already...I really want to leave but I know she will be devastated. Not sure how long I can keep going though. I need to get over the guilt factor.

 

[Xaphous]

Yes, but at the same time I can look back and realise I was never encouraged or given advice or positively motivated for anything ever. Just left to stew in my own shit and blamed for it. This generation is nothing like their generation. They had far better opportunities then than now. I don't blame them for my life though.

 

[Tequilamockingbird]

Yes they're great people. That said, I'm so depressed and can't imagine living anymore.

 

[Orin]

Not me. Both my parents are insufferable narcissists. And when i ctb, their pain will not be the pain of a normal, loving human being. It will be more like a public humiliation.

It's not like "oh my god, my son! My son is dead!"

it's more like "My reputation! My reputation is ruined!"

But knowing them, they will try to cover it up and claim i was murdered or something.

 

[Theon]

Yes I feel awful about it. It would devastate my mom and sister (my dad passed when I was a kid). But there's no way I can continue on this way. My life has become a nightmare, I've screwed it up so bad.

 

[not_a_robot]

Mom, I could not bear to leave behind, but she's dead now.
Dad would pretend to cry crocodile tears to get attention for himself but he would secretly be thrilled if I do it. It's one main reason why I don't.

What does it all mean... I don't know either. All this humanity, and somehow this plagues us all, in one form or another. With science now studying whether or not we carry memories of our ancestors in our genes adds yet another layer to all this.

Oh shit then I'm really glad I never had a kid to pass my shitty memories to.
Hoooray!

 

[262653]

Feel bad about my parents, hahaha! That's a good one!
On a serious note, I forgot the last time when I showed empathy for anyone else... Makes the job easier, I suppose.

cry crocodile tears

Wow, I didn't knew this idiom sounds the same in eEnglish. That made me want to google it... the pictures of a crocodile crying look so adorable.

 

[deathenvoy]

My mother is primary reason I still haven't CTB.

 

[Invisible 73]

My suicide will demolish my mother, whom I love, and who has been unbelievably supportive of me --far, far above and beyond the call of maternal duty-- emotionally, morally, financially. Anticipating her pain has certainly held me back in the past, and I suspect has contributed significantly to my recent failures and subsequent dragging of feet for my next attempt. She knows I've tried to ctb recently, I've spoken to her openly about my intentions to ctb, and I know she understands the pain I'm in --and to her credit she has not tried to call in the authorities on me-- but that won't lessen her loss. Her relationship with my sister is deeply troubled, so I'm the kid she always reaches out to, shares her artistic feelings with, relates to on a genuinely deep level. Yes, I will feel very, very bad for her.

My father is a narcissistic ass; in his mind I exist only as his avatar. He and I email daily, but he lives in Italy, I live in the US, and that's quite close enough for that close relative, thank you very much. I refuse to be in the same room with him. I couldn't care less how he feels about my death. In some ways, I hope there's an afterlife from which I can view how he reacts to the death of his avatar. That might be quite interesting. No, I won't feel bad for him in the slightest.

It is deeply against the societally-perceived "natural order" for a parent to outlive their child. It will be devastating for them. But to continue living is more than I can do.

May I ask why you keep emailing your dad? You are under no obligation to keep a relationship w.him. My ex, &father of my child, is also a narc. He also alienates our daughter from me completely.

Having been dealing w.the alienation since she was 2, she's now 18, I've learnes quite a bit about narcs, and having them as a parent (&co parent). And going no contact (NC) is frequently recommended. There's no need for you to subject yourself to his treatment. YOUR happiness is more important! Xoxo

 

[DownInaHole]

I feel bad for my mom. She's had a hard life. Raised four kids on her own. Dad has been dead for years.

 

[Orin]

My father is a narcissistic ass; in his mind I exist only as his avatar. He and I email daily, but he lives in Italy, I live in the US, and that's quite close enough for that close relative, thank you very much. I refuse to be in the same room with him. I couldn't care less how he feels about my death. In some ways, I hope there's an afterlife from which I can view how he reacts to the death of his avatar. That might be quite interesting. No, I won't feel bad for him in the slightest.

This reminds me of something i read or heard that narcissistic parents see their children as merely extensions of themselves. What a horrific notion. But it makes sense. Makes me wonder what motivates a person to have a child in the first place. Is it mostly just wanting to fit in/avoid shame? Or is it a genuine desire to raise a happy, well-adjusted child?

 

[Robbyna]

My families grief is a major factor in my fears of CTB. Its a blessing to be cared about but also a burden under the circumstances.

 

[Scribble Fan]

My parents put me here so I'm not that bothered.

What makes me sick is my younger brother's reaction. I can't bear the thought of doing this to him, he's never known a world without me. I used to sing him to sleep as a baby and we've always been messing around since before he could walk or talk. I can't stay here though. Life is tormenting me but so is the thought of hurting him. He's strong and has a friend group, I hope he pulls through. Fuck, I just can't do this anymore.

 

[TiredHorse]

May I ask why you keep emailing your dad? You are under no obligation to keep a relationship w.him.

Thank you for your sympathy and your compassion. No, I have no obligation to him, and I know that. I cut off all contact with him for 12+ years (he didn't even know where I was living or how to contact me), and it was the best thing I've ever done. That said, he is an incredibly intelligent, talented, and creative person, and conversations with him --from a wary distance-- can be quite rewarding on an intellectual level. Those 12 years of no contact "broke the spell" and I feel safe from his manipulations. But his reactions should I pull my shit together and succeed to CTB don't bother me any more than would those of the postman who delivers my mail.

This reminds me of something i read or heard that narcissistic parents see their children as merely extensions of themselves. What a horrific notion. But it makes sense. Makes me wonder what motivates a person to have a child in the first place. Is it mostly just wanting to fit in/avoid shame? Or is it a genuine desire to raise a happy, well-adjusted child?

I think that's often absolutely true, about a narcissist's child being an extension of him/herself. It is what I was referring to when I spoke of my father seeing me as his avatar: I'm just a placeholder for himself. I suspect he had kids because it fit his self image as pater familias. He was just ticking the boxes, collecting all the accessories to his Life As Successful Man.

However, it can be more complex than that when the child is fundamentally different enough from the parent that the child then becomes the embodiment of the parent's feelings toward that child's type of other. For instance, childhood was far worse for my sister than for me: I was an extension of him, but she became in his mind an embodiment of the way he wanted all women to react to him. That occasionally bordered on abuse, with an insidious sexualization of her at quite a young age, and was often far beyond creepy. She has not spoken of any overt/prosecuteable abuse, and I don't think he would have crossed that line, but there were some eposides in the family soap opera that leave me feeling queasy at how thin that line got at times. She has done very, very well in separating herself from that environment and pushing him to the periphery of her life. Neither of us is upset that he lives 6000 miles away and never visits.

 

[Orin]

with an insidious sexualization of her at quite a young age

My god.....