fay13
Member
- Nov 14, 2021
- 81
i have been chronically suicidal since 2014 (13 yo back then , i'm 21 yo now) ,i really hope i'll end it this year
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apoptosis
rest easy in sleep eternal
- Mar 25, 2022
- 37
Yeah, I think about suicide almost daily for the past year. Rarely, some days I don't, however as soon as I feel the slightest bit of stress or emotion, I'm internally repeating over and over that I should kill myself. No matter what happens though, even if I'm not actively thinking about it, I'm always dissatisfied with life. At the worst, it's the only thing I can think about without wanting to burst into tears.
BigGimpin
Student
- Mar 24, 2022
- 127
sad_gurl_thoughts
Member
- Feb 8, 2022
- 44
I've been on and off suicidal since adolescence…more regularly suicidal from late 2019 to now. Pandemic made things much worse for me, like for many, since it was so isolating. Almost jumped off my balcony a number of times in the beginning when I was going weeks without seeing another person.
Once I acclimated to pandemic life, things sort of went up and down with less intensity for a while, but now I'm on a steep downward trajectory fueled by heartbreak, betrayal, and loss. No end in sight (other than The End).
If we all are experiencing these feelings so chronically then maybe CTB really is the only way to find peace… Maybe some brains just aren't wired for happiness.
Once I acclimated to pandemic life, things sort of went up and down with less intensity for a while, but now I'm on a steep downward trajectory fueled by heartbreak, betrayal, and loss. No end in sight (other than The End).
If we all are experiencing these feelings so chronically then maybe CTB really is the only way to find peace… Maybe some brains just aren't wired for happiness.
fatefulstillness
ghost.
- Oct 24, 2021
- 151
Yup! I've been consistently suicidal for about 10 years now, it's never a crisis or some sort of cry for help. Killing myself is what I want no matter what mood I'm in, how much I accomplish, how much I love and I'm loved, or how much I'm needed. It's not something I suffer from like a disease, but an honest desire that comes from experiencing a life plagued by suffering. Good things in life can't make it bearable anymore. I'm worn out, and I've done my best to repress these feelings in order to function, but I understand it won't take me far – I don't intend to.
I think calling it "passive" suicidal ideation is wrong in my case. It sounds dismissive towards how serious I am about it, especially coming from mental health professionals. It's almost as if they're urging me to attempt, which I will absolutely do, except that I am hoping to be successful. I almost want to tell them: "Do not tempt me, I will take my life" – it's not like I lack reasons, anyway.
I think calling it "passive" suicidal ideation is wrong in my case. It sounds dismissive towards how serious I am about it, especially coming from mental health professionals. It's almost as if they're urging me to attempt, which I will absolutely do, except that I am hoping to be successful. I almost want to tell them: "Do not tempt me, I will take my life" – it's not like I lack reasons, anyway.
