Venting Anyone else can't commit to anything?

[mierepeashi]

I just feel like I can't commit to anything, doing my schoolwork, eating healthy, reading, helping people. I just can't start doing stuff and even if I start doing something I constantly tell myself that all of this is meaningless and it doesn't account to anything. I keep justifying the way I feel by using the absurdity and the meaninglessness of this life, but the truth is that I could do the same but instead justify being happy and enjoying life, but I just can't. I feel so stupid. I've managed to read around 40 pages in 3 HOURS, that's how unintelligent I am. I just hate myself so much and can't find anyway out, because truth be told I don't think I could ever be any different from how I am. I just want to be free, but I'm so afraid to do it. I feel so disconnected from this world, nothin is plausible for me anymore, I believe everyone is lying to me and I can't be sincere with anyone. I sleep while hugging a pillow thinking that it is my love, I'm in a dire longing for being comforted by someone. By someone who truly understands and cares deeply about me. I hate how I've become, no one will love me this way, but it's just how I am.

 

[manocsak]

I know that feeling, drawing, learn to play the guitar, exercise, read regularly etc, the list is endless.
In the last +10 years I keep saying myself at least draw 1 hour a day... never do it maybe once a month but that's it.

I tell you what I've learned about doing stuff (as a lazy person) in the last 15 years, genuinely the problem isn't YOU! The thing you wanna do!

Have you ever had the thing you can do 10 hours straight? If I'm reading the right book, I can read through days.

 

[mierepeashi]

I know that feeling, drawing, learn to play the guitar, exercise, read regularly etc, the list is endless.
In the last +10 years I keep saying myself at least draw 1 hour a day... never do it maybe once a month but that's it.

I tell you what I've learned about doing stuff (as a lazy person) in the last 15 years, genuinely the problem isn't YOU! The thing you wanna do!

Have you ever had the thing you can do 10 hours straight? If I'm reading the right book, I can read through days.

Yeah, maybe it is that I'm forcing myself to like things but I don't want to believe that. Is then my whole life a lie? Everything that I like doing is just me pretending that I like it? I don't think so, for example, I've loved maths and physics since I started going to school, it just can't be that in the last two or so years I lost this passion. I think I'm the problem, I've reached a ceiling or I'm too depressed to feel any joy or motivation for doing anything at all.

 

[theboy]

Me 2

 

[manocsak]

2 years, that a lot of time. Sit down and ask the right questions about your passion. What do you like in math s and physics? Are you doing those stuff what you like?

ex: I like drawing, I like drawing mostly small objects, perspective, light shading. If I have to draw a human what I can, I really hate the process, different kind of drawing

 

[alivefornow]

Yeah. Sometimes I'm not even motivated to browse this forum and write replies anymore. I feel like laying down till I die.

 

[EndlessDream]

Only thing I can commit to is ending myself