Discussion Anyone else attending therapy but considering suicide at the same time?

[http-410]

Does your therapist know that you want to die?
Do they know that you registered on this site? What do they say about that?

Or is suicide a topic you keep quiet about?

 

[Ghost2211]

Yes therapist knows I have suicidal ideation, and that I talk to the group. I don't tell her the site name, but I'm sure with minimal effort she could figure it out. Im careful not to say things that will force mandated reporter actions, and mention protective factors like the kids. For a therapist to be effective you need to be able to talk to them openly (within reason). If a therapist won't discuss suicide empathetically I would find a new one. You can talk to a therapist about suicide as long as you know what not to say, so intent and plan.

 

[nothingchanges]

Does your therapist know that you want to die?
Do they know that you registered on this site? What do they say about that?

Or is suicide a topic you keep quiet about?

I don't dare tell my therapist bc I've already spent time in psych ward for attempting and nnnneeeeevvvveeerrrrr want to go back.

 

[Lupgevif]

I am in therapy and planning suicide. I have told my therapist several times about my suicidal wishes, but she never takes the conversation too far, nor touches on the subject by herself, it's always I who brings up the topic. She doesn't know about this website and never even bothered to ask how far I got into planning.

 

[http-410]

Thanks for your insights.

Why do you go to therapy when you still want to ctb?

 

[RealHumanBean]

Me! I lucked out and found a great therapist. Therapy had never been effective for me before, but now it does provide me with some relief. I still want to ctb so badly that no other option seems preferable. Between allowing myself to seek support and be helped, and pesky survival instinct, ctb keeps getting pushed off. I think it's a horrible way to live, but if you resign yourself to it, it takes some of the pressure off of the ctb option. At some point, a positive trajectory may happen. I'd even feel grateful to just arrive at "neutral".

 

[Ghost2211]

Why do you go to therapy when you still want to ctb?

I still do it because it helps me work thorough my psychological issues. For me at least it's worth living each day that I'm not ctb. I don't want to live like I'm already dead, and maybe when I do leave this world I can do so in a more peaceful way if I'm not as sad and angry at life.

 

[RUnger823]

I am in counseling and we haven't talked about it. I've been honest about my emotional pain and what I'm working through but I haven't shared how deeply the pain goes. I haven't told anyone that I'm thinking about ctb or that I have the materials and a plan. I'm worried they'll think it's for attention or worse, that they'll take me seriously and that ctb won't be an option anymore.

I don't know what I expect to get out of counseling if I can't be completely honest but I don't want to stop trying it either.

 

[Cherrypea]

Yes I told my therapist my feelings but not about this website, I've found it since I started. I go out of a sense of duty.

 

[FarAcrossTheWater]

I go to therapy mainly so I don't feel that urge to kill myself through a really painful method. My therapist is great. It took a long time but I found a really great one that gets me. My therapist understands I will kill myself but isn't going to smother me with cookie cutter anti-suicide talk. He hasn't given up but knows that if he works with me maybe I will consider life. However, I do know I will die - I just need a painless way to do it.

 

[nitroautnz]

Yes and it's weird, because I dont want to continue living or beeing help, I think I do it mostly for the people that I care for are not too worried about me. It ease their mind I guess.

 

[ForNow]

Irony -- therapist a few years ago knew, and also suggested i buy a gn due to the neighborhood I was in then, lmao. Go figure .... i quit therapy after that -- waste of money.

 

[Stick]

I haven't told my therapist about it because I'm a terrible liar. I know that she will ask me if I'm planning to act on these thoughts, and I know that I will tell her I am because I'm dumb like that. So I just don't mention it.

Why do you go to therapy when you still want to ctb?

As for why I still go, there is still a while left before I can reasonably attempt to ctb, and seeing her helps me get through it in the mean time. Plus, a big part of my survival instinct is just anxiety, so if she can help me learn to manage anxiety therapy might ironically be what I need in order to die.

 

[RC90]

Yes, me. I feel a bit better however I still think of dying. The meds gave me a boost, but I'm not doing my part like exercise or go out.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

i do, and i feel guilty about it. i'm still trying to convince them that i'm "better" now, so people will be less cautious around me and less suspicious of my actions. if i even confessed about wanting to die, they'd go right back to treating me like glass.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I'm seeing a new therapist next week. I'm not telling her I'm suicidal. I don't want to be dismissed again, nor do I want to be hospitalized. I'm really only even going because my social worker and parents are expecting me to get help....

 

[Wolfjob_dayjob]

Yes. In not really around here anymore. I want my hardcore ED and exercising habit back to occupy me. I just don't want the end to be out of my control if this is really how it's going to happen.

 

[TJuk]

My mental health team all know that I'm suicidal so that's my psychiatrist, care coordinator who is social worker, and then my pyschotherapist.
They don't know I come on this forum and I don't want them to know.

My therapist is trying to help me get to a point where suicide and selfharm are not on the table but I'm not sure if that would ever be possible. I've told my team before that I planned on killing myself, it led to them saying that they don't want me to do that, asked me if I had plan and means said yes and it led to three phone calls a day for two weeks during that time I realised that I wasn't going to get any peace unless I pretended I was ok, I was still low but no plans as they turned up at my home unannounced aswell.
I have alot of complex needs which includes numerous traumas aswell so know therapy will be a long process

 

[valentine]

I just made an appointment today with my therapist. She's sweet. I like having someone to talk to and not feel guilty about it. Recently I talked to her about assisted suicide & stuff and she understands I'm suicidal. I just make sure she doesn't think I'm at risk enough to put me in the hospital.

 

[Snowdrifts1212]

I really like my therapist, but last time I told her I had suicidal ideation it ended with a whole thing where someone I know was brought into the session and I was almost sent to the mental health crisis unit. Seeing as I don't want that to happen again, I plan not to tell her again. And I definitely would never tell her about this site. (I know this is my first post but I've been lurking here for awhile.)

 

[overwhelming]

i do, but of course i wouldnt risk saying anything about it

 

[Deleted member 18655]

I have a psychologist. He knows how suicidal I am. I told him about SN but I don't think he realises how lethal it is. I mentioned SS but I don't think it registered with him. And I'm not bringing up either topic again. It's just easier and I think I'm close to ctb anyways. There's nothing he can say to change my mind.

 

[Not_Quite_Dead_Yet]

I was seeing a therapist for several years. I liked and trusted her enough to talk "around" my wanting to ctb but was careful in my choice of wording. Did therapy help me? Not really. But it was sort of nice to have a real person who did "get me" listen to me. I miss that human connection as I live a very isolated life. When Covid came along, my therapist switched to telehealth sessions. Tried two sessions but device therapy sucks, so I opted out. Am I feeling worse? Yes. But I just don't give a rat's ass.. Caring takes too much effort. Living takes too much effort.

 

[oneday]

 

[DyingAlf]

Does your therapist know that you want to die?
Do they know that you registered on this site? What do they say about that?

Or is suicide a topic you keep quiet about?

Yes I'm in therapy.

Yes my therapist knows I want to die (not sure they completely believe that I WANT to).

Yes my therapist knows that I joined 'a Suicide website' (didn't name it but I think it's obvious if they had a look online). They asked something along the lines of does it make me more suicidal & I said it doesn't. Other than that I don't think they said anything else about it.

I talk about being suicidal but will not tell them what I plan to do or when I'm going to do it.

Why do you go to therapy when you still want to ctb?

I think I wanted to give it one last try to see if something could change to make life worth living but of course miracles & magic are not real.
More recently I was thinking it'd help get me through the remaining time until I ctb.
Now my therapist has done something that makes me feel utterly worthless (along with other stuff that's just all adding up to make it so difficult) so I'm thinking maybe I'll quit, but I'm not sure yet.

 

[Isadeth]

yup. I'm very open with my therapist and my goal for pain relief one way or another. I feel like I can trust her given she also has suicidal ideation and we can talk about it freely. She hasn't tried to put me inpatient yet, so I honestly doubt she'll try.

 

[Not_Quite_Dead_Yet]

yup. I'm very open with my therapist and my goal for pain relief one way or another. I feel like I can trust her given she also has suicidal ideation and we can talk about it freely. She hasn't tried to put me inpatient yet, so I honestly doubt she'll try.

Wow...a therapist who will acknowledge her own suicidal ideation? That is a rarity. She sounds like a keeper. My experience has been that therapists reveal very little about themselves - that's the way they are trained, to keep the focus on the client.

 

[NihilisticTendencies]

*Raises hand* Yuuup. Luckily, she has no idea.

 

[Treeline589]

I go to therapy and still want to CTB. I have told my therapist I have found a forum that helps me relate to others who feel the same way

 

[Angi]

Yes, and yes my therapist knows. Or at least I have told him. He does seem to want to ignore it, though. I never mentioned an actual plan, this would probably make things even worse. I hate that he seems to ignore my pain.

Why do you go to therapy when you still want to ctb?

I want to ctb because I cannot bear the pain of life. I go to therapy because I cannot bear the pain of life. Whichever works first! Also, I seem to hate myself so much want to ctb in a really painful way, which I don't want, at the same time. I hope therapy can fix that, at least. Same as FarAcrossTheWater.
Also, please read carefully before beating me up for it, I think I should not ctb. I firmly believe I have the right to, just like everyone else, but it will make others suffer, so I should not. In my current state I cannot live, and currently I suspect that therapy is not helping and that I will quit soon, but I wish therapy (or anything else) would put me in a position to live.