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Weebster

Weebster

Everyone is alone. Everyone is empty.
Mar 11, 2022
1,683
I don't mean psych help. So if I die by ctb, they don't get to say "If only he had told us! We would've done anything so he would still be here!" They're not bad parents. They're just older now and have fewer contacts, but i still have reached out many times.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
43,328
I do not believe that it is a good idea to tell others about wanting to ctb, we live in a world where many people do not respect the right to die. In my case, I see it as better to keep everything to myself. There would be no point to telling others, they would not understand and there is nothing that anyone can do.
 
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13_reasons

13_reasons

Member
Mar 11, 2022
46
I made the mistake of telling my husband the first week I started experiencing depressive symptoms and suicidal thoughts- he panicked and called the cops on me and they panicked and sectioned me to be taken to the emergency room.

I learnt my lesson after that- never be open about your suicidal thoughts with anyone (outside this site anyway)- what I needed at the time was a sympathetic ear and an open discussion about maybe seeing a doctor or a therapist, especially as I had no concrete plans to attempt. This instead led to a 2 month hospital admission that left me more traumatised and depressed than I was originally, and much more suicidal with the means to CTB. Lesson learned. This is why I find this group such a safe space for me, and I appreciate everyone who has contributed so much

TL: DR- keep the discussions to yourself, or share with the rest of us when you need to vent.
 
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R

Ready2GoNow2022

Member
Mar 19, 2022
44
I told my wife back in January that I was having thoughts of hurting myself and was subsequently carted off to be sectioned at the hospital for a week. It was like One flew over the Cuckoo's Nest in there, people just walking around, shuffling their feet, doped up (myself included). Now, even though my wife knows that I am super depressed, I put on a brave face and say that I'm no longer a threat to myself. But the truth is, I still have those thoughts and they are getting louder every day. The only place I will share now is here.
 
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VoidDesirer22

VoidDesirer22

A dream inside a locked room
Sep 6, 2021
673
I made the mistake of telling my husband the first week I started experiencing depressive symptoms and suicidal thoughts- he panicked and called the cops on me and they panicked and sectioned me to be taken to the emergency room.

I learnt my lesson after that- never be open about your suicidal thoughts with anyone (outside this site anyway)- what I needed at the time was a sympathetic ear and an open discussion about maybe seeing a doctor or a therapist, especially as I had no concrete plans to attempt. This instead led to a 2 month hospital admission that left me more traumatised and depressed than I was originally, and much more suicidal with the means to CTB. Lesson learned. This is why I find this group such a safe space for me, and I appreciate everyone who has contributed so much

TL: DR- keep the discussions to yourself, or share with the rest of us when you need to vent.
Yep, especially don't tell people close to you as they're likely to react very impulsively out of care. But not stopping to think that it actually isn't productive, healthy care...
I told my wife back in January that I was having thoughts of hurting myself and was subsequently carted off to be sectioned at the hospital for a week. It was like One flew over the Cuckoo's Nest in there, people just walking around, shuffling their feet, doped up (myself included). Now, even though my wife knows that I am super depressed, I put on a brave face and say that I'm no longer a threat to myself. But the truth is, I still have those thoughts and they are getting louder every day. The only place I will share now is here.
We welcome you with open arms to share whatever you feel comfortable sharing. (Obviously no identifying information).
 
E

Ednospatient

Arcanist
Sep 2, 2021
408
Yeah my mom knows basically everything about my suicidality
 
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13_reasons

13_reasons

Member
Mar 11, 2022
46
I told my wife back in January that I was having thoughts of hurting myself and was subsequently carted off to be sectioned at the hospital for a week. It was like One flew over the Cuckoo's Nest in there, people just walking around, shuffling their feet, doped up (myself included). Now, even though my wife knows that I am super depressed, I put on a brave face and say that I'm no longer a threat to myself. But the truth is, I still have those thoughts and they are getting louder every day. The only place I will share now is here.

I think we're both in the same boat! I'm realising over time that even though I'd prefer to be completely honest with my husband - "life" seems to be a lot smoother if I keep my feelings and rising distress levels to myself. Thankful for this space to share with other like minded people. Stay strong!
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
21,392
All my friends and family keep saying I should just get a job as if that's magically going to cure all of my suicidal urges. Like yeah, becoming another cog in the grand corporate machine is really going to help me feel so much better. Considering I've not had a real job or any education for over a year and I've been spending most of my time goofing off doing what I want how the hell is being forced to meet deadlines or act fake around coworkers or bosses supposed to make me feel any less like wanting to die?
 
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C

Carlotta16

The Best I Can Do is Nothing
Mar 16, 2022
134
I made the mistake of telling my husband the first week I started experiencing depressive symptoms and suicidal thoughts- he panicked and called the cops on me and they panicked and sectioned me to be taken to the emergency room.

I learnt my lesson after that- never be open about your suicidal thoughts with anyone (outside this site anyway)- what I needed at the time was a sympathetic ear and an open discussion about maybe seeing a doctor or a therapist, especially as I had no concrete plans to attempt. This instead led to a 2 month hospital admission that left me more traumatised and depressed than I was originally, and much more suicidal with the means to CTB. Lesson learned. This is why I find this group such a safe space for me, and I appreciate everyone who has contributed so much

TL: DR- keep the discussions to yourself, or share with the rest of us when you need to vent.
My wife knows that I want to do die and that I've attempted it obviously but she doesn't know how to help me anymore. She doesn't ring the police or try to get me help anymore. I went missing on Friday and she didn't do anything at all. She thinks this is because its what I want, but I can't help that it makes me feel like she doesn't care. Does that make any sense?
 
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13_reasons

13_reasons

Member
Mar 11, 2022
46
My wife knows that I want to do die and that I've attempted it obviously but she doesn't know how to help me anymore. She doesn't ring the police or try to get me help anymore. I went missing on Friday and she didn't do anything at all. She thinks this is because its what I want, but I can't help that it makes me feel like she doesn't care. Does that make any sense?
It makes a lot of sense- because whilst you don't want to be "arrested"/ taken by force to the local hospital, or feel like the conventional treatments don't work- at the same time feeling this intensely suicidal is a very isolating experience. And even though most of us want to CTB- we are all lonely humans seeking companionship in our time of need. And to have someone who is able to sit with you and acknowledge those feelings without reacting to them- is very rare.

And most of all- I think a part of this is that your wife is also trying to protect herself - it's very hard to watch and listen to someone you love talk about ending themselves. I think she's been struggling to work out how best to support you, whilst dealing with her own fears of losing you. "If you love someone- set them free" etc. i don't know if that makes sense. Look after yourself
 
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justwanttogo

justwanttogo

Member
Mar 20, 2022
31
i have told alot of people, the reactions differ widely.
among same age peers it is mostly laughed at with the assumption that i just want attention.
my siblings told me that ctb is the most egoistic thing one can do.
my mother told me that it would just be a flight, and i should be hospitalised if it doesnt stop.
one person even told me that it aint serious unless the person has written a goodbye letter.

well.. on the other side, i dont know what one should expect as an answer.

i think i would just try to listen and hug the person.

i dont know if people who ctb would make me sad as i am pretty emotionally numb
 
C

Carlotta16

The Best I Can Do is Nothing
Mar 16, 2022
134
It makes a lot of sense- because whilst you don't want to be "arrested"/ taken by force to the local hospital, or feel like the conventional treatments don't work- at the same time feeling this intensely suicidal is a very isolating experience. And even though most of us want to CTB- we are all lonely humans seeking companionship in our time of need. And to have someone who is able to sit with you and acknowledge those feelings without reacting to them- is very rare.

And most of all- I think a part of this is that your wife is also trying to protect herself - it's very hard to watch and listen to someone you love talk about ending themselves. I think she's been struggling to work out how best to support you, whilst dealing with her own fears of losing you. "If you love someone- set them free" etc. i don't know if that makes sense. Look after yourself
It makes perfect sense. Part of me is like do I let them section me qnd hopefully get them to change my meds to see if it works? Counselling and therapy don't help me I've tried. But if I let them section me then I would loose my job and in turn loose my house and car and things, so even if things did work out I would have nothing left to get better for. Or do I just end it all? Give up on what's been a bloody long battle? Those are the 2 choices I have and I'm so bloody lost trying to decide. I'm living in limbo at the minute and no one gets it that I can talk to
 
whatevs

whatevs

Mining for copium in the weirdest places.
Jan 15, 2022
2,913
I do not believe that it is a good idea to tell others about wanting to ctb, we live in a world where many people do not respect the right to die. In my case, I see it as better to keep everything to myself. There would be no point to telling others, they would not understand and there is nothing that anyone can do.
This is borderline criminal advice, you ought to tell about it to the people you care about.
All my friends and family keep saying I should just get a job as if that's magically going to cure all of my suicidal urges. Like yeah, becoming another cog in the grand corporate machine is really going to help me feel so much better. Considering I've not had a real job or any education for over a year and I've been spending most of my time goofing off doing what I want how the hell is being forced to meet deadlines or act fake around coworkers or bosses supposed to make me feel any less like wanting to die?
I see what you mean. It can work though, in some cases. I'm becoming a professional programmer and it distracts me from suicide for a large chunk of the week. You pass time and make money. The reasons why you hate your life remain in the back of your mind, but you get some sense of direction. Though the job must be interesting to some extent, at least for me.
 
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L

Leiden

Arcanist
Sep 1, 2020
435
I feel that after a certain point, there just isn't anything anyone can do to help. Even if someone has the most loving, helpful, caring family and friends there is only so much that they can do. In my case, my mental state got worse as I got worse, as before I could manage and be helped and now there isn't anything anybody could do or say or whatever that could help me. I only have some family. They have tried but how much can they really do. I don't have any friends and if I did , I wouldn't be able to hang out with them anyway and do normal type things. I'm so far gone that I've all but lost this battle.
I do not believe that it is a good idea to tell others about wanting to ctb, we live in a world where many people do not respect the right to die. In my case, I see it as better to keep everything to myself. There would be no point to telling others, they would not understand and there is nothing that anyone can do.
You are so strong. I wear everything on my sleeve and I only know being that way. I can't hide anything, even if I tried. I don't know how you do it.
 
lili

lili

Specialist
Feb 17, 2022
319
Unfortunately it's not a good idea to tell my parents in my case. Their very close minded people. I don't speak with them at all about my personal life, I could go months without speaking with them. They don't know anything that is happening in my life. And if I told them something personal it would be awkward.

And as far as my siblings, I am the eldest sister, and even though their both legally adults at this point, I feel very self conscious as the oldest sister to burden them with my problems. They also have a lot of issues of their own. Why would I bother them with mine?I was supposed to be there for them and be the example.
 
A

AnnyMyr

Member
Mar 12, 2022
63
I made the mistake of telling my husband the first week I started experiencing depressive symptoms and suicidal thoughts- he panicked and called the cops on me and they panicked and sectioned me to be taken to the emergency room.

I learnt my lesson after that- never be open about your suicidal thoughts with anyone (outside this site anyway)- what I needed at the time was a sympathetic ear and an open discussion about maybe seeing a doctor or a therapist, especially as I had no concrete plans to attempt. This instead led to a 2 month hospital admission that left me more traumatised and depressed than I was originally, and much more suicidal with the means to CTB. Lesson learned. This is why I find this group such a safe space for me, and I appreciate everyone who has contributed so much

TL: DR- keep the discussions to yourself, or share with the rest of us when you need to vent.
It's just ass if you can't tell your husband about it. Every day I ask my husband to kill me.
 
L

Leiden

Arcanist
Sep 1, 2020
435
I made the mistake of telling my husband the first week I started experiencing depressive symptoms and suicidal thoughts- he panicked and called the cops on me and they panicked and sectioned me to be taken to the emergency room.

I learnt my lesson after that- never be open about your suicidal thoughts with anyone (outside this site anyway)- what I needed at the time was a sympathetic ear and an open discussion about maybe seeing a doctor or a therapist, especially as I had no concrete plans to attempt. This instead led to a 2 month hospital admission that left me more traumatised and depressed than I was originally, and much more suicidal with the means to CTB. Lesson learned. This is why I find this group such a safe space for me, and I appreciate everyone who has contributed so much

TL: DR- keep the discussions to yourself, or share with the rest of us when you need to vent.
I never get a sympathetic ear from my Fiance
I made the mistake of telling my husband the first week I started experiencing depressive symptoms and suicidal thoughts- he panicked and called the cops on me and they panicked and sectioned me to be taken to the emergency room.

I learnt my lesson after that- never be open about your suicidal thoughts with anyone (outside this site anyway)- what I needed at the time was a sympathetic ear and an open discussion about maybe seeing a doctor or a therapist, especially as I had no concrete plans to attempt. This instead led to a 2 month hospital admission that left me more traumatised and depressed than I was originally, and much more suicidal with the means to CTB. Lesson learned. This is why I find this group such a safe space for me, and I appreciate everyone who has contributed so much

TL: DR- keep the discussions to yourself, or share with the rest of us when you need to vent.
I'm sorry that happened.
 
T

tieiwi

Experienced
Dec 11, 2021
240
Well I got told I was throwing a tantrum when I did so I'm never making that mistake again.
 
L

Leiden

Arcanist
Sep 1, 2020
435
Well I got told I was throwing a tantrum when I did so I'm never making that mistake again.
It's hard holding things in. It's nice to have a place to go where we are around like minded people.
 
Aeathelina

Aeathelina

Little Homeless Girl
Feb 5, 2020
307
I did once a year ago and I got yelled at because their worry for my mental health was an inconvenience to them
 
C

CannotAnymore

Student
Apr 29, 2022
100
I've been very open this time. I say it in a calm and rational voice and answer all questions.

I have asked for help and I've begged for help

I have told them how I'm going to do it and let them know I don't know when but this is it


Either they don't believe me or they don't care... my partner knows...
 
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