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SorrySandy

SorrySandy

Æmber
Nov 15, 2020
45
Yes and life sentence I'd say for us. Root cause of so much mental suffering. You end up not believing the world and people can be trusted which affects everything but for me, most of all, relationships. To me relationships, be they friendships, family, romantic, all of them - much more difficult to maintain.
Only therapy that helped me was private, low cost, after nhs sent me away. Although I found it difficult to believe that she believed me. And here I am. So it didn't work.
That therapist told me she thought suicide was an 'angry' act. Sort of a final middle finger up at the world/people. Not sure I agree with that. Sure there could be an element of anger involved, I feel angry at some things but I wouldn't say anger was central element t9 it.

Anyway yeah. Child abuse in all those forms is a life sentence. Proven in brain scans to affect size of amygdala which controls flight or fight responses. Apparently meditation is also proven to help with that, again demonstrated using brain scans so sounds scientific enough for me.

Massive virtual hug to you. Bet it's what brings a lot of us here
 
A

angelfeather

Student
Oct 31, 2020
177
Mine was sexual and emotional abuse as a child. I had Cbt during a court process I went through which helped at the time but still suffer the consequences and believe I always will. I hate being controlled. Even when people try to help me, I see it as controlling. I've found it hard to trust others with my children and have been very over protective. It affects me every single day and always will.
 
Kramer

Kramer

Nervous wreck
Oct 27, 2020
1,399
Mine was sexual and emotional abuse as a child. I had Cbt during a court process I went through which helped at the time but still suffer the consequences and believe I always will. I hate being controlled. Even when people try to help me, I see it as controlling. I've found it hard to trust others with my children and have been very over protective. It affects me every single day and always will.
Yeah I'm not sure any therapy can fix this :(
Mine was all mental abuse,it was physical but stopped and started to be do only mental abuse for a decade till I got kicked out of my house
How do you function?
 
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Throwmyselfaway

Throwmyselfaway

Not gone yet but soon
Jan 14, 2020
798
Yep. Multiple ways. I'm 39 and thanks to ptsd flashbacks I realized how bad it was and remembered things I thought I had completely blocked out. I have not spoken of the new memories to anyone. Therapy never worked for me because I've had trust issues with therapist my whole life
 
Kramer

Kramer

Nervous wreck
Oct 27, 2020
1,399
Yep. Multiple ways. I'm 39 and thanks to ptsd flashbacks I realized how bad it was and remembered things I thought I had completely blocked out. I have not spoken of the new memories to anyone. Therapy never worked for me because I've had trust issues with therapist my whole life
All my memories remained intact. Weird
 
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Myforevercharlie

Myforevercharlie

Global Mod
Feb 13, 2020
2,431
Psychological and sexual. The last one until I was 12.
Therapy helped a bit, but mostly to control my anger
EMDR helped with the visuals . But the depression, anxiety and BPD stay.

I believe my anger saved me in a way though. That man doesn't deserve me giving up.

I'm so sorry to read everyone's story here. Everyone has the right to feel safe and secure.
Big hug to you all
 
Sinkinshyp

Sinkinshyp

Paragon
Sep 7, 2020
947
physical and mental abuse. My abuser my father died when I was 15. 6 months later I met a boyfriend more evil than my father I spent somewhere around a yr to a yr and a half as his punching bag. I dont remember everything. I was on life support twice. I can say when I hit 20 and became a single mom it really helped me. I promised myself I would NEVER be what I had growing up. Raising my son in a loving supportive home we were not just mom and son we were best friends. He died in a car accident at 25. All the abuse and bull shit Ive went through hit me in my face when my son died.
 
Wrennie

Wrennie

-
Dec 18, 2019
1,559
For me it was primarily psychological and emotional abuse, but also physical if you count being drugged against my will (which damaged by body).

I only recently found out that I suffer from CPTSD. The diagnosis shed light on why I act the way I do and it was really eye-opening for me. I just wish I'd been diagnosed sooner. Instead, many of my therapists would simply go on about how my responses to certain situations were completely irrational without even trying to delve into why I responded the way I did to specific triggers.
 
MindFrog

MindFrog

:Professional Hypocrite:
Nov 19, 2020
722
Psychological, emotional and sexual (last one isnt from my parents).

The abuse has always been in the "gray" area, so people can't say my parents are horrible. Locked doors, corporal punishment, and shifting the blame to me, that stuff. The worst thing they did was throw me outside in the nude, because i always lose my pencils everyday. I only recently remember it, since it's been blocked from my memories. But i'm happy they never broke any of my bones, or didnt provide for me.

I've only told this to my school counselor. He would say that the yelling was normal and i should be thankful because it means they care.

I dont know. I feel like i shouldnt be complaining much, even though my brain tells me i have the right to. I guess familial bonds are that strong.
 
_Kaira_

_Kaira_

This Isn't Fine
Oct 2, 2020
826
All of the kinds.
By my parents, brother, and a 'family friend'. In my teenage years, I sought out love and validation from the wrong people (p***philes) online, which only made things so much worse...god I was so dumb.

Therapy hasn't helped me one bit. I wasn't and still not able to vent like I'd like, and not take what I say and ignore the truths by spinning it into positives that don't even make sense.

Literally was told this in regards to being raised under my abusive parents
"Well, now you have morals and didn't turn out like them at least."
Ok?????? All my problems are solved magically now I guess just because I don't beat children. Lmao.
 
Conker

Conker

Specialist
Oct 22, 2019
351
How many years and what type of abuse? Did therapy even help you? It hasn't helped me.

My abuse was sexual, neglect, physical, psychological, emotional
all of the above except for sexual, although I suspect memory erasure drugs may have been used on me against my will. so for all he knows it could've been rape at one point in time. People around me have never earned the benefit of the doubt.
 
sufferingalways

sufferingalways

Avoiding flashing images, epilepsy.
Apr 26, 2020
550
all of the above except for sexual, although I suspect memory erasure drugs may have been used on me against my will. so for all he knows it could've been rape at one point in time. People around me have never earned the benefit of the doubt.
So sorry to hear that. Hugs :heart:
Trust is an issue for me. When your own father acts in such ways how can a child ever trust the outside world? Guard is always up.
 
Lurker

Lurker

Member
Nov 27, 2020
13
I was sexually abused by my older brother for 4 years. It started when I was around 7-8 years old. I used to be able to control my anger, but now I have fits of uncontrollable rage, with the sexual abuse being one of the major contributors to this and other issues I have now.
 
MindFrog

MindFrog

:Professional Hypocrite:
Nov 19, 2020
722
I was sexually abused by my older brother for 4 years. It started when I was around 7-8 years old. I used to be able to control my anger, but now I have fits of uncontrollable rage, with the sexual abuse being one of the major contributors to this and other issues I have now.
Have you ever told anyone about it? Man, I know a relative hurting you is horrible but you're own brother? That sounds like a nightmare, especially because they dont usually hold young people accountable of their actions..
 
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FatalSystemError591

FatalSystemError591

{He/They}
Oct 12, 2020
229
All types of abuse constantly throughout my life. Unfortunately it would take more time than I have on this earth to take the pain away
 
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OopsIdidntwanttodie

OopsIdidntwanttodie

Ctb by the 20th of December
Oct 11, 2020
137
Yes I was abused and molested, and I knew that maybe it had a part in why I felt so wrong growing up, but at the time, it was like my brain didn't want to believe it. After therapy, I realized how much that trauma actually ruined me. I'm torn knowing that I could have had a better life and personality had that not happened. Now i'm haunted by all the memories and what ifs.
 
SorrySandy

SorrySandy

Æmber
Nov 15, 2020
45
physical and mental abuse. My abuser my father died when I was 15. 6 months later I met a boyfriend more evil than my father I spent somewhere around a yr to a yr and a half as his punching bag. I dont remember everything. I was on life support twice. I can say when I hit 20 and became a single mom it really helped me. I promised myself I would NEVER be what I had growing up. Raising my son in a loving supportive home we were not just mom and son we were best friends. He died in a car accident at 25. All the abuse and bull shit Ive went through hit me in my face when my son died.
We appear to have the same avatar. As you were here first I'll change mine :)

So sorry to hear your experience. Almost speechless reading that, difficult to know what to say. I too was single mum that age and I'm just so sorry life has dealt you such heartache and tragedy. My heart goes out to you
 
K

killbob

Member
Dec 18, 2020
7
Yes and ketamine is the only thing that has helped.

When I was 5 I watched my dad beat my mom in front of the whole family. He had us trapped in one of the bedrooms and we huddled around my mom trying to protect her. I still see him standing there with his hands covered in blood to this day. A year later he caught me touching myself and he dragged me into the living room, stripped me naked, beat me senseless, told me I was a freak and a pervert, then he threw me out on the streets of NY and told me I could go get raped by the rest of the freaks. My mom went looking for me and found me wandering the streets naked. She told me to come home and I said I can't because no one had raped me yet and dad would be mad. She snuck me back into the house and we never spoke of it again.

By the time I was 12 I started drinking and running away from home. I was really drunk when this woman approached me in a car and said she would take me to her house and take care of me. As soon as we went inside she hit me so hard I could barely stand. She called me all sorts of names and proceeded to rape and sodomize me. I was still a virgin at the time. After what seemed like an eternity she fell asleep. I got up and tried to sneak out of the house. I didn't even bother to get dressed. I was moving thought the dark house I heard her wake up and scream as she came running up behind me. I tried to run but she caught me and the last thing I remember was her smashing my head into the wall. when i woke up I was in the hospital with the police asking a bunch of questions. They found me naked, bleeding, unconscious, and left for dead in the back of an office building. I wouldn't tell them a thing and when they left the room I yanked out my IV and tried to escape. They caught me and took me back to the room. My parents showed up and brought me some clothes and took me home. We never spoke of it and I never told anyone what happened. A month later I saw some 18 year old girls drinking in a car in a parking lot. I approached them and asked if I could drink with them. They were pretty weirded out by this kid wanting to get in a car and drink with them but I convinced them. I finished the vodka they were drinking and told them that if one of them took me home with them I would let them do anything they wanted to me. I told them I had experience and they could beat me if they wanted. I was a shy little kid and couldn't even believe I was doing this.

A couple of years later a family friend, who was in her thirties, was staying with us for an extended weekend. She got me drunk and made me massage her a pose for her in my underwear. When things started to go too far I tried to leave the room and she stopped me and told me to take off the underwear. I was so ashamed, drunk, and afraid of getting caught by my dad for letting things get this far that I panicked. I tried to leave and she pinned me down and pulled them off. She started raping me and I was begging her to stop. She told me I was a tease and I was going to get what was coming to me. She was much bigger than I was and in my condition I couldn't get her off of me. She started getting loud and I begged her not to make any more noise because I was afraid my dad would find me and kill me. She told me she would let me go if I came for her. I managed to cum and she let me go. Not only did I already feel like a freak since my dad threw me out at 5 years old, but men do not get raped by women in my family, and they definitely do not get erections and cum while being raped and beaten by them and here was the second time that this happened.

I ended up getting engaged to an older woman who had been raped during a bad coke deal. She ended up selling me to her female dealer when she needed to get high. She liked to watch me perform for other women more than having sex with me. She would bring home women she met at meetings for women of sexual abuse and take money to let them rape me. They could do anything they wanted as long as they didn't do permanent damage or hurt my face. Many of them had pretty elaborate revenge fantasies they wanted to act out. She would toss me naked and handcuffed into the bedroom with them and wait until thy were done. Some of them would fuck me with a loaded gun in my mouth or a knife to my throat. Sometimes they would beat me badly, whip me, cut me, sodomize me with a strap on, urinate in my mouth, etc. I learned to leave my body and separate myself from what was happening. I kept ending up in the same cycle of meeting predatory women who seemed to be able to tell I was a freak that deserved to be abused and that I wouldn't fight back or call the police. After seeing my mom beaten as a kid, the mere thought of hurting a woman makes me physically ill. I would get so disgusted with myself that I wanted to peel my skin off with a carrot peeler.

I got married to an abusive woman that I felt I deserved. She would come home and say take off your clothes I am going to rape you now. I almost never came, I would just be there for her sex toy. I didn't enjoy sex especially with her. She would hit me all the time. She broke my nose twice. She ended up getting pregnant and we had a baby boy. I asked her for a divorce and let me keep the child but she knew that would be her hold on me. I stayed married to her for 10 years just so I could be there to protect my son. She would continue to sexually and physically abuse me. I was ok as long as my son was safe. Then she started to abuse him and I could not let that happen. So I had to sneak out of the house with my son, get a restraining order, divorce her and get full custody.

One day I started to research ketamine treatment and decided to try it. It was an immediate change. I could see and feel a difference that same day. I was finally able to deal with these issues that plagued me since childhood. I actually started to like myself for the first time that I could remember.
 
symphonyofthenight

symphonyofthenight

Member
Dec 17, 2020
35
Emotional abuse from an alcoholic mother who now doesn't remember, and no one else was around to witness it.

All of my partners except for my most recent boyfriend, who passed away suddenly, were abusive.

It went on for years. I was being abused by my partner at the same time when I was being abused my mom. I tried to ctb and was an idiot and told someone about it. She told her mom, who called and told my mom.

I don't remember much but I was FORCED into therapy. I never told the therapist why I wanted to do it. I told her it was because my best friend had just passed away in a gun accident, not all my mom's abuse and lack of friends and mental issues. So she brought in my mother (my ABUSER) many times to degrade me and abuse me in front of her. I hate her. I hate that therapist. I can never, ever trust another therapist again because of what she did.

So there is no "solving" me. I can't get professional help. That therapist fucked me over so much. Fuck my mom for abusing me. Fuck my family members for not seeing the signs and not helping me. Fuck my partners. Fuck everyone, honestly, except my late bf who was the only treasure and gem of happiness I ever had in my life. And now...he is gone.
 

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