Discussion Anyone becoming more aggressive as their ideal CTB date is approaching?

[chaoschuckler]

Im thinking of doing it on or after my graduation day i..e. 8th April if i don't get a job by then. Knowing very much that i will graduate unemployed and my death is coming, I've became more impulsive and aggressive, I've started cussing my dad openly on his face (with horrible swears) and also being rude to my college mates, i will also cuss these suckers who made my college life horrible in clg group chat just before i die. And am giving less and less importance to my health, i am suffering from a fungal infection which i got it on like September and still made no effort to treat it. Do you also feel same?

 

[devils~advocate]

I have been up and down with regards to this. At one point I took only half portions of prescribed heart medications. I cancelled medical appointments and quinquennial type of procedures (colonoscopy). I did this because I thought I would CTB soon....why invest in anything that might prolong my life.
I started giving all my belongings away....books, CDs, movies, etc etc. I gave probably 200 books to a friend.....which btw happen to die earlier this year unexpectedly.

But then I thought about it all. I don't want the people who I care for and that knows me casually to think any negative feelings about me. I don't want the last interaction with me to be aggressive or hostile.

Although, I am though reserving my aggression to a few people that have betrayed and caused anguish in my life. I will tell them what I think of them and what they did to me. My ex-spouse is one such person.

 

[chaoschuckler]

I have been up and down with regards to this. At one point I took only half portions of prescribed heart medications. I cancelled medical appointments and quinquennial type of procedures (colonoscopy). I did this because I thought I would CTB soon....why invest in anything that might prolong my life.
I started giving all my belongings away....books, CDs, movies, etc etc. I gave probably 200 books to a friend.....which btw happen to die earlier this year unexpectedly.

But then I thought about it all. I don't want the people who I care for and that knows me casually to think any negative feelings about me. I don't want the last interaction with me to be aggressive or hostile.

Although, I am though reserving my aggression to a few people that have betrayed and caused anguish in my life. I will tell them what I think of them and what they did to me. My ex-spouse is one such person.

Yes, let those idiots know what they did. I will do the same aswell(or atleast try). Good luck on your journey, hope you get your peace

 

[devils~advocate]

Yes, let those idiots know what they did. I will do the same aswell(or atleast try). Good luck on your journey, hope you get your peace

Likewise for you as well.
I have made audio recordings for these people, so they can hear my voice for the last time. I want them to feel the pain that I did.

 

[Topaz111]

I'm not trying to be agressive to people, even those who deserve it. I don't want to raise suspicions and even though I try not to think about a possible failure, I am still too afraid to be fully honest, even in a note since I know it would fuck up my life if I survive.
That being said, I am more irritable, less tolerant of annoyance, can't mask as well.. I just don't have the strength or patience to be polite and quiet and agreeable so sometimes I do snap at people, even though I don't want to.
I guess chronic pain is a big part of that too, I get mean when I'm in pain.