I am totally depressed, anxious, and suicidal 10.10 because of the stupid mistake I made which destroyed my body, mind, and soul. I want to kill myself and tell about that to my family members or friends. They always say: "I know this guy, Bob who was dumped by GF, he was at the same state like you but came out of it" or "I know this woman, Kate who lost her job at Wallmart, she was depressed like you but came out of it"
Give me a break!
In past I experienced plenty of situations like these , was dumped by GF, lost jobs many times, was cheated, and so on and never was depressed about that. If that was the case I would never be suicidal even for a moment.
Because of my stupid mistake, I lost literally everything. I fell into a weird form of intense depression which resulted in losing:
* Dream, well-paid job.
* Gorgeous beautiful woman.
* My looks (hair, face, and body).
* Peace of mind 0 I trained it for years, meditated a lot, read philosophical books.
* Friends who are tired of "new me".
* Respect of the family members and friends who looked at me shocked, when every day I run around the living room and scream "Devil! get out of my body!", "God, kill me!" , "Mum, give me a rope".
* Cognitive functions - now I process information like a retard.
* Charisma - used to be a member of toastmaster, public speaking wasn't a problem for me, was smiling and charming, now it is gone.
* Sexuality - because of antidepressants or depression I lost libido and functioning
* Motivation - spend all day in bed
* Relaxation - cannot relax even for a minute, always ruminate about my mistake
* Sense of me - I feel like I am not myself anymore like this is some different guy
* Self-love - I used to like myself very much, now I hate this guy
* Compassion - I used to be very caring about other problems, now I don't care, listening to their problems frustrates me
* Creativity- I always had very creative hobbies, now I enjoy nothing.
and much more...
So I lost all of it at the same time.
So perspective for me is as follows:
1. Being sent to the psychic ward and then after maybe 2-3 months renting some condo and spending all time alone losing my savings every day, and finally becoming homeless, while my friends are making great careers and so on. Ruminintating to the end of my life about the mistake I made.
2. CTB right now when I am still so angry and desperate, suicidal 10/10 so overcoming SI won't be that hard.
And all this people who brings the examples about Bob who lost his fat girlfriend, or Kate who lost her job at Walmart... this makes me so angry, that I tell directly: "Shut the f*ck up!"
Give me a break!
In past I experienced plenty of situations like these , was dumped by GF, lost jobs many times, was cheated, and so on and never was depressed about that. If that was the case I would never be suicidal even for a moment.
Because of my stupid mistake, I lost literally everything. I fell into a weird form of intense depression which resulted in losing:
* Dream, well-paid job.
* Gorgeous beautiful woman.
* My looks (hair, face, and body).
* Peace of mind 0 I trained it for years, meditated a lot, read philosophical books.
* Friends who are tired of "new me".
* Respect of the family members and friends who looked at me shocked, when every day I run around the living room and scream "Devil! get out of my body!", "God, kill me!" , "Mum, give me a rope".
* Cognitive functions - now I process information like a retard.
* Charisma - used to be a member of toastmaster, public speaking wasn't a problem for me, was smiling and charming, now it is gone.
* Sexuality - because of antidepressants or depression I lost libido and functioning
* Motivation - spend all day in bed
* Relaxation - cannot relax even for a minute, always ruminate about my mistake
* Sense of me - I feel like I am not myself anymore like this is some different guy
* Self-love - I used to like myself very much, now I hate this guy
* Compassion - I used to be very caring about other problems, now I don't care, listening to their problems frustrates me
* Creativity- I always had very creative hobbies, now I enjoy nothing.
and much more...
So I lost all of it at the same time.
So perspective for me is as follows:
1. Being sent to the psychic ward and then after maybe 2-3 months renting some condo and spending all time alone losing my savings every day, and finally becoming homeless, while my friends are making great careers and so on. Ruminintating to the end of my life about the mistake I made.
2. CTB right now when I am still so angry and desperate, suicidal 10/10 so overcoming SI won't be that hard.
And all this people who brings the examples about Bob who lost his fat girlfriend, or Kate who lost her job at Walmart... this makes me so angry, that I tell directly: "Shut the f*ck up!"
