Anyone a late stage diagnosis autistic?

[itsraining]

I came to the realization that I was autistic last year and at first I thought it was enlightening but then I realized it's the core of all my problems. Not being able to maintain relationships with people because i'm an awkward person has been a huge point of tension for me. My special interests lead me towards depression and unhappiness and I usually just spend most of my day inside because interacting with others is painful and awkward. I have online friends but the missing connection of an in person intimate friendship makes me feel hollow. Anyone else relate?

 

[sserafim]

I came to the realization that I was autistic last year and at first I thought it was enlightening but then I realized it's the core of all my problems. Not being able to maintain relationships with people because i'm an awkward person has been a huge point of tension for me. My special interests lead me towards depression and unhappiness and I usually just spend most of my day inside because interacting with others is painful and awkward. I have online friends but the missing connection of an in person intimate friendship makes me feel hollow. Anyone else relate?

I was diagnosed with autism level 1 (aka Asperger's), ADHD, and social anxiety at 16. Not sure if that's late-stage or not. I've had signs and symptoms of Asperger's and ADHD since childhood but was only diagnosed in high school.

I don't want an in person intimate friendship though. I don't feel empty or hollow without friendships or relationships. I'm aroace so I've never had or wanted a relationship anyways. I hate intimacy and the idea of it. I don't connect or bond with anyone emotionally. I enjoy being alone and I honestly don't like the company of others. Sometimes I say that I'm allergic to people. I prefer being by myself. I wish I could live on a mountaintop, far away from society.

 

[loopdaloop]

During my last hospitalization at a psychiatric hospital they suspected I might have ASD level 1 but I've not yet gotten an offical diagnosis because of the wait time.

 

[AllCatsAreGrey]

By late stage diagnosis, are you meaning like diagnosed later in life? That's how I understood your question. If that's the case, yes. I'd count myself in.

My therapist brought it up a couple years ago and I started to look into it. I don't have an official diagnosis (so expensive in my country), but have done loads of research and done online screeners.

I relate to the tension of isolating, but also feeling the lack of connection. I've been trying to work on that myself. It's definitely hard.

What kind of special interests do you have?

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I got diagnosed with aspergers at 20.
Aspergers is considered an autism spectrum disorder.
I am socially awkward and am no good at relationships.
I definitely understand the feeling of being hollow.

 

[itsraining]

By late stage diagnosis, are you meaning like diagnosed later in life? That's how I understood your question. If that's the case, yes. I'd count myself in.

My therapist brought it up a couple years ago and I started to look into it. I don't have an official diagnosis (so expensive in my country), but have done loads of research and done online screeners.

I relate to the tension of isolating, but also feeling the lack of connection. I've been trying to work on that myself. It's definitely hard.

What kind of special interests do you have?

I should've been more clear in my original post that I meant general adulthood, maybe 20+? A lot of my special interests involve astrology and video games (specifically fighting games and jrpgs), kpop, and it also used to be anime but I've grown out of it the older I've gotten. I was always the weird one in middle/high school and looking back I kind of mourn my childhood. There are so many times I've felt that isolating was a lot more comforting than connecting with others but it's led to a lot of complicated issues in my life. Maybe that's a bit of an infodump but I'll take any excuse I can to ramble.

 

[SmollMushroom]

I came to the realization that I was autistic last year and at first I thought it was enlightening but then I realized it's the core of all my problems. Not being able to maintain relationships with people because i'm an awkward person has been a huge point of tension for me. My special interests lead me towards depression and unhappiness and I usually just spend most of my day inside because interacting with others is painful and awkward. I have online friends but the missing connection of an in person intimate friendship makes me feel hollow. Anyone else relate?

Yes I can relate with everything except having online friends.
I'm also suspected to have autism level 1, but my therapist, who is a huge ass anyways, told me that most people with that condition can still find a job and have a normal life.
So they didn't even bother to officially diagnose me. That's how it works in my beautiful country - you are either completely detached from reality or you're just fine. I hate it.

 

[AllCatsAreGrey]

I should've been more clear in my original post that I meant general adulthood, maybe 20+?

No worries. That's what I caught. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't misunderstanding. I'm 45 and just started actively looking into it a couple of years ago. The possibility was always in the back of my mind, but it wasn't commonly talked about when I was younger - definitely not in the broader way that we understand it now.

A lot of my special interests involve astrology and video games (specifically fighting games and jrpgs), kpop, and it also used to be anime but I've grown out of it the older I've gotten.

Nice! I share a lot of those interests - particularly videogames. Baldur's Gate 3 has been my big obsession lately. I dabble in anime.

I was always the weird one in middle/high school and looking back I kind of mourn my childhood.

Yes. I hear this sense of mourning from a lot of people who are diagnosed later in life. I share that feeling. When I look back I wish I would have known. It may have helped to direct me more to my strengths, rather than trying to be like others.

There are so many times I've felt that isolating was a lot more comforting than connecting with others but it's led to a lot of complicated issues in my life.

Same. Isolating makes everything feel simpler. Often when I do things around people I feel like I have to do so much extra calculus in the background. All that extra calculating is exhausting.

I'm now in a period where I'm trying to be more social, but it isn't easy. I'm trying to find more of a balance. Being here has helped a little.

Thanks for sharing. It feels nice to have a reminder that I'm not alone in this experience.

 

[cherrypiegonnadie]

I relate strongly. I long for friendship and the experience to enjoy spending time with other people but it feels like a chore, i'm always masking and it just sucks the energy out of me like nothing else. It feels like work and not something that helps me to disconnect and relax from my daily struggles. I have adhd btw, which is similar to autism. But it is possible that i have a combination of both.
But yes. Everything is just exhausting, i hate the way society works, it just makes every single little thing unnecessarily hard for me. I'm trying to work through it with my psychiatrist but im hoping that meds will work better..

 

[itsraining]

No worries. That's what I caught. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't misunderstanding. I'm 45 and just started actively looking into it a couple of years ago. The possibility was always in the back of my mind, but it wasn't commonly talked about when I was younger - definitely not in the broader way that we understand it now.

I found out in my early adulthood because my therapist said she suspected I had autistic traits, the rest is history

Nice! I share a lot of those interests - particularly videogames. Baldur's Gate 3 has been my big obsession lately. I dabble in anime.

I'm also playing bladurs gate! I think I'm at the tail end of act 2 but it's sooo good

Yes. I hear this sense of mourning from a lot of people who are diagnosed later in life. I share that feeling. When I look back I wish I would have known. It may have helped to direct me more to my strengths, rather than trying to be like others.

Same. Isolating makes everything feel simpler. Often when I do things around people I feel like I have to do so much extra calculus in the background. All that extra calculating is exhausting.

I'm now in a period where I'm trying to be more social, but it isn't easy. I'm trying to find more of a balance. Being here has helped a little.

Thanks for sharing. It feels nice to have a reminder that I'm not alone in this experience.

Absolutely, thank you as well for sharing as well it helps lighten the pain a little!

I relate strongly. I long for friendship and the experience to enjoy spending time with other people but it feels like a chore, i'm always masking and it just sucks the energy out of me like nothing else. It feels like work and not something that helps me to disconnect and relax from my daily struggles. I have adhd btw, which is similar to autism. But it is possible that i have a combination of both.
But yes. Everything is just exhausting, i hate the way society works, it just makes every single little thing unnecessarily hard for me. I'm trying to work through it with my psychiatrist but im hoping that meds will work better..

yes I know in autistic communities I see people refer to themselves as audhd (i think?), I think I also have something in that realm. either way i consider both disabilities, it sucks. I'm trying to get ahold of a psychiatrist right now but I haven't had much luck in my state :(

 

[Jorms_McGander]

Yes and no. I haven't been officially diagnosed autistic. I'm 36 years old and this conversation took place one year ago.

I was hospitalised for five weeks, during which time I had daily interviews. That period diagnosed me at age 32, or 33, Borderline Personality Disorder.

I went for treatment and I was later diagnosed with ADHD, and an earlier diagnosis of social anxiety confirmed.

The psychiatrist who made the follow-up diagnosis said that it's incredibly likely that I would have mild autism, and that the cost-benefit is basically Anything:Nil, and that the pay-in to these diagnoses is high, and treatment mostly has to do with how children are educated.

So yeah, I'm a late stage diagnosis autistic. I haven't got any resources to share, I haven't found anything to make me feel more at home on Earth. Right now, I just know that my niece and nephew are going to need my help, and I'm wondering do I have to be there or can't I just write it down.

 

[itsraining]

I went for treatment and I was later diagnosed with ADHD, and an earlier diagnosis of social anxiety confirmed.

The psychiatrist who made the follow-up diagnosis said that it's incredibly likely that I would have mild autism, and that the cost-benefit is basically Anything:Nil, and that the pay-in to these diagnoses is high, and treatment mostly has to do with how children are educated.

It's interesting that you mention that because I just read Unmasking Autism by Devon Price and sometimes people get diagnosed with bpd when it's actually just traits of autism. An official diagnosis isn't something I'd recommend though, it'll heavily effect your life in areas you wouldn't expect, for example, you wouldn't be able to move to another country because of your "disability". If you have the time I'd say you should read the book, I was able to learn a lot about myself and glean a lot of information from it. Another thing that helps is reading anecdotal cases of those who were diagnosed late in life and see if any of that speaks to you. If you have any questions feel free to message me, this is a new journey for me so I'm still learning but I'd be happy to give you any resources you may need. <3

 

[AllCatsAreGrey]

It's interesting that you mention that because I just read Unmasking Autism by Devon Price and sometimes people get diagnosed with bpd when it's actually just traits of autism. An official diagnosis isn't something I'd recommend though, it'll heavily effect your life in areas you wouldn't expect, for example, you wouldn't be able to move to another country because of your "disability". If you have the time I'd say you should read the book, I was able to learn a lot about myself and glean a lot of information from it. Another thing that helps is reading anecdotal cases of those who were diagnosed late in life and see if any of that speaks to you. If you have any questions feel free to message me, this is a new journey for me so I'm still learning but I'd be happy to give you any resources you may need. <3

I second the recommendation of Unmasking Autism. I found it very helpful.

I would agree about a formal assessment. In my country they are *very* expensive. For a while I was saving up, but after having a consultation with a doctor for one I decided I don't need it right now. The doctor even validated self-diagnosis and suggested the above mentioned book. Sometimes they are helpful if you would like accomodations for school. There are downsides to be considered, as mentioned.

Another resource I'd suggest is Dr Neff's website Neurodivergent Insights. She has both autism and ADHD. She's a practicing psychologist and works primarily with neurodivergent people. She makes workbooks that are super helpful covering a wide selection of topics - for sale, with some free resources too. She also has a podcast called Neurodivergent Conversations.

Insights of a Neurodivergent Clinician

Providing up to date research and research on autism and ADHD from a neurodivergent affirming perspective.

neurodivergentinsights.com

Divergent Conversations | A Neurodivergent Podcast

www.divergentpod.com

 

[itsraining]

I second the recommendation of Unmasking Autism. I found it very helpful.

I would agree about a formal assessment. In my country they are *very* expensive. For awhile I was saving up for one, but after having a consultation with a doctor for one I decided I don't need one right now. The doctor even validated self-diagnosis and suggested the above mentioned book. Sometimes they are helpful if you would like accomodations for school. There are downsides to be considered, as mentioned.

Another resource I'd suggest is Dr Neff's website Neurodivergent Insights. She has both autism and ADHD. She's a practicing psychologist and works primarily with neurodivergent people. She makes workbooks that are super helpful covering a wide selection of topics - for sale, with some free resources too. She also has a podcast called Neurodivergent Conversations.

Insights of a Neurodivergent Clinician

Providing up to date research and research on autism and ADHD from a neurodivergent affirming perspective.

neurodivergentinsights.com

Divergent Conversations | A Neurodivergent Podcast

www.divergentpod.com

I'm going to bookmark these, thanks!

 

[Jorms_McGander]

It's interesting that you mention that because I just read Unmasking Autism by Devon Price and sometimes people get diagnosed with bpd when it's actually just traits of autism. An official diagnosis isn't something I'd recommend though, it'll heavily effect your life in areas you wouldn't expect, for example, you wouldn't be able to move to another country because of your "disability". If you have the time I'd say you should read the book, I was able to learn a lot about myself and glean a lot of information from it. Another thing that helps is reading anecdotal cases of those who were diagnosed late in life and see if any of that speaks to you. If you have any questions feel free to message me, this is a new journey for me so I'm still learning but I'd be happy to give you any resources you may need. <3

Before I write anything else I want to let you know how pleasant and validating it is to have a conversation like this with another human being. I've been to loads of groups, and ended up bored and disconnected, unable to identify.

I am currently considered disabled in Canada due to BPD and I get all my tax money back. The government is spamming me with benefits and I can't respond, but I am trying to get things in order and pick which ones I need to respond to. I asked for help and nothing happened and now that I'm about to disappear entirely, the system is completely able to overwhelm me with benefits.

Myself personally, I am incredibly lonely and isolated after all this time. I don't even feel like a human being. This messaging notwithstanding, my conversations take place inside my own mind. I have one cat. She's such a good and patient girl with me.

Would you send some resources? I cannot afford any more therapy. I got as far as complete diagnosis and ran out of money. But I can do my homework. I don't think it's fair that neurodivergent people want to die, and I don't want to tell people what to do. I'm not sure what your views are and I'm trying not to make my own situation anybody else's.

I am desperately struggling, and I would read any resources. There are young ones in my family and I could save them from this hell, if I knew it was an option.

edit: Unmasking Autism, I'll order a copy of that. Seen.

EDIT2: I actually completely missed discussing how BPD can present as a number of different things, and most importantly, how BPD is a coping mechanism for atypical emotional presentation. BPD is well-understood by considering "reactivity" vs. "trauma"

I'm actually blessed, so to speak--my traumas are fairly light. Early death of one parent. I still have BPD. Because I am more sensitive; I am sensitive emotionally and physically. Getting into cold sheets HURTS me. Getting out of warm sheets HURTS. All of these sensory stimuli, plus every time I transition from a safe environment to a socially ambiguous environment [IE: leaving a room], it takes a lot of energy.

My BPD is best understood as a reaction to hypersensitivity. Hypersensitivity is poorly understood, and I am not diagnosed autistic, so we cannot draw the correlation using me. However, these things all coexist.

 

[itsraining]

Would you send some resources? I cannot afford any more therapy. I got as far as complete diagnosis and ran out of money. But I can do my homework. I don't think it's fair that neurodivergent people want to die, and I don't want to tell people what to do. I'm not sure what your views are and I'm trying not to make my own situation anybody else's.

I am desperately struggling, and I would read any resources. There are young ones in my family and I could save them from this hell, if I knew it was an option.

edit: Unmasking Autism, I'll order a copy of that. Seen.

I think that despite the doom and gloom that comes with being on SS, we as neurodivergent people deserve to see a world that accommodates us. It's an invisible disability, so the pain we experience is also invisible, and it makes us feel invisible too!

I'm glad you're going to grab a copy of the book it's helped me a lot to come to terms with myself a bit (though I am still depressed, I am trying to break out of my isolation). Autism and over ND traits do tend to run in the family, like I know my mother for sure is an undiagnosed autistic person. As far as resources I am pulling a little bit of a blank at the moment, I have my book and binaural beats help calm me when I'm having high anxiety/feeling overstimulated.


(make sure you listen to that with headphones or earbuds or it doesn't work as well, it stimulates both sides of your brain with frequencies that bounce back between each of your ears, prompting bilateral stimulation which helps regulate your brain) ((this is also a therapy technique utilized in EMDR))

Additionally, I suffer from auditory overstimulation pretty frequently, I hate the sounds of chewing and sometimes I get overloaded whenever there's too many things going on so I bought a pair of loops that I use whenever it gets to be too much. If you find yourself out in public or at a concert or live even or something I reccomend popping them in.
(link is https://us.loopearplugs.com/products/engage-plus)

Other than that I recommend getting a stim toy, something to fidget with your hands or maybe find a fun vocal stim that'll help soothe you when you're feeling weird. I've taken a liking to doing the stereotypical autism arm flapping when I'm alone because it feels nice.

Like I said you're always free to message me, I don't know if I'm leaving something out but if you know how to soothe yourself life gets just a bit more bearable.

EDIT:

Before I write anything else I want to let you know how pleasant and validating it is to have a conversation like this with another human being. I've been to loads of groups, and ended up bored and disconnected, unable to identify.

I just realized I didn't respond to this! Of course, I know what it's like to feel like I speak my worries and no one gives a shit. You deserve a chance to be comfortable in your own skin.

 

[Jorms_McGander]

I think that despite the doom and gloom that comes with being on SS, we as neurodivergent people deserve to see a world that accommodates us. It's an invisible disability, so the pain we experience is also invisible, and it makes us feel invisible too!

I'm glad you're going to grab a copy of the book it's helped me a lot to come to terms with myself a bit (though I am still depressed, I am trying to break out of my isolation). Autism and over ND traits do tend to run in the family, like I know my mother for sure is an undiagnosed autistic person. As far as resources I am pulling a little bit of a blank at the moment, I have my book and binaural beats help calm me when I'm having high anxiety/feeling overstimulated.


(make sure you listen to that with headphones or earbuds or it doesn't work as well, it stimulates both sides of your brain with frequencies that bounce back between each of your ears, prompting bilateral stimulation which helps regulate your brain) ((this is also a therapy technique utilized in EMDR))

Additionally, I suffer from auditory overstimulation pretty frequently, I hate the sounds of chewing and sometimes I get overloaded whenever there's too many things going on so I bought a pair of loops that I use whenever it gets to be too much. If you find yourself out in public or at a concert or live even or something I reccomend popping them in.
(link is https://us.loopearplugs.com/products/engage-plus)

Other than that I recommend getting a stim toy, something to fidget with your hands or maybe find a fun vocal stim that'll help soothe you when you're feeling weird. I've taken a liking to doing the stereotypical autism arm flapping when I'm alone because it feels nice.

Like I said you're always free to message me, I don't know if I'm leaving something out but if you know how to soothe yourself life gets just a bit more bearable.

Thank you.

I figure you might find this amusing--

I'm a large man, super shy, and I know that as long as I don't make eye contact etc and maybe if I even dress a certain way, then people will leave me alone

So in this neighbourhood it's kinda a hood atmosphere. And I don't wear jewelry that wasn't given to me. That's not who I am. But I have this big thick gold chain [it's not real]. A homeless guy gave it to me, not an exchange, and I was a person who would check on him if he was okay, on my way back to my house.

Sometimes I put that on when I am feeling anxious and I need a confidence boost, under my shirt. And recently I had a horrible conversation with somebody who is lying to the government regulators in order to prevent me from receiving benefits, for... purely vindictive purposes, as far as I can tell.

I was passing the links of that chain one after another through my fingers like a rosary.

That's my story. Thanks for reading. Now I will check your binaural resource. Thank you.

 

[AllCatsAreGrey]

Would you send some resources?

Here is a resource that may be helpful for you. This is from Dr Neff's website in her series called Misdiagnosis Mondays where she shows the overlaps of some diagnoses and how they differ. This one is for BPD and high-masking autism. She is great at listing other resources. I think you'll find a treasure trove!

BPD vs Autism

BPD vs Autism, what are the differences? Click here to learn how to discern Autism from borderline personality disorder.

neurodivergentinsights.com

 

[itsraining]

Thank you.

I figure you might find this amusing--

I'm a large man, super shy, and I know that as long as I don't make eye contact etc and maybe if I even dress a certain way, then people will leave me alone

So in this neighbourhood it's kinda a hood atmosphere. And I don't wear jewelry that wasn't given to me. That's not who I am. But I have this big thick gold chain [it's not real]. A homeless guy gave it to me, not an exchange, and I was a person who would check on him if he was okay, on my way back to my house.

Sometimes I put that on when I am feeling anxious and I need a confidence boost, under my shirt. And recently I had a horrible conversation with somebody who is lying to the government regulators in order to prevent me from receiving benefits, for... purely vindictive purposes, as far as I can tell.

I was passing the links of that chain one after another through my fingers like a rosary.

That's my story. Thanks for reading. Now I will check your binaural resource. Thank you.

Thank you for sharing! I also have a chain necklace and I like playing with the little hoops on it when I'm nervous.

I hate making eye contact it's frightening to me. I live in a state where people are very neighborly (I think it's a great thing it's just very intimidating for me) and people usually say hi but I usually don't notice and I'm always afraid I'm coming off rude. It's a possibility people do think that I'm rude but I'm trying to find solace in the fact that I can't force myself to be uncomfortable for the sake of someone else's comfort.

 

[Jorms_McGander]

Here is a resource that may be helpful for you. This is from Dr Neff's website in her series called Misdiagnosis Mondays where she shows the overlaps of some diagnoses and how they differ. This one is for BPD and high-masking autism. She is great at listing other resources. I think you'll find a treasure trove!

BPD vs Autism

BPD vs Autism, what are the differences? Click here to learn how to discern Autism from borderline personality disorder.

neurodivergentinsights.com

I don't want to spam and I gave the heart reaction and that just didn't feel like enough. Thank you.

 

[itsraining]

I think it's okay to spam a little as a treat

 

[Jorms_McGander]

Thank you for sharing! I also have a chain necklace and I like playing with the little hoops on it when I'm nervous.

I hate making eye contact it's frightening to me. I live in a state where people are very neighborly (I think it's a great thing it's just very intimidating for me) and people usually say hi but I usually don't notice and I'm always afraid I'm coming off rude. It's a possibility people do think that I'm rude but I'm trying to find solace in the fact that I can't force myself to be uncomfortable for the sake of someone else's comfort.

What happened in your mind the last time you gave a social gesture like "hello", or a wave, or eye contact, and the other person did not notice it?

We can check our facts on this one right? Because I think the last time a stranger didn't respond, that wasn't incredibly damaging. It's honestly not that damaging to me, even if it feels uncomfortable for a moment.

Like somebody doesn't say "thank you" when you give them right of way. That's rude, but we get past it.

It's like this: that person who made us mildly uncomfortable by taking the right of way without asking is the same as a person who imposes upon your social energy by asking for that response without knowing whether or not you are prepared, or, failing that, without accepting that you may not have the energy for such a performance without notice.

I give myself the same damn pep talk every time I want to go for a walk. It doesn't matter who sees me, or who looks at me, or who wants to say hi. People who know me and want to say hi, well, when I've talked to them later, it's always been about how focused I am or whatever.

I don't know if it gets easier but please, consider that you are not responsible for all the possible social interactions, and if somebody sees you and thinks something negative that is a "them" problem not a "you" problem, when you're just trying to live your life.

 

[AllCatsAreGrey]

Thanks OP for starting this thread.

 

[Jorms_McGander]

What happened in your mind the last time you gave a social gesture like "hello", or a wave, or eye contact, and the other person did not notice it?

We can check our facts on this one right? Because I think the last time a stranger didn't respond, that wasn't incredibly damaging. It's honestly not that damaging to me, even if it feels uncomfortable for a moment.

Like somebody doesn't say "thank you" when you give them right of way. That's rude, but we get past it.

It's like this: that person who made us mildly uncomfortable by taking the right of way without asking is the same as a person who imposes upon your social energy by asking for that response without knowing whether or not you are prepared, or, failing that, without accepting that you may not have the energy for such a performance without notice.

I give myself the same damn pep talk every time I want to go for a walk. It doesn't matter who sees me, or who looks at me, or who wants to say hi. People who know me and want to say hi, well, when I've talked to them later, it's always been about how focused I am or whatever.

I don't know if it gets easier but please, consider that you are not responsible for all the possible social interactions, and if somebody sees you and thinks something negative that is a "them" problem not a "you" problem, when you're just trying to live your life.

half of these thoughts are missing...

 

[itsraining]

What happened in your mind the last time you gave a social gesture like "hello", or a wave, or eye contact, and the other person did not notice it?

We can check our facts on this one right? Because I think the last time a stranger didn't respond, that wasn't incredibly damaging. It's honestly not that damaging to me, even if it feels uncomfortable for a moment.

Like somebody doesn't say "thank you" when you give them right of way. That's rude, but we get past it.

It's like this: that person who made us mildly uncomfortable by taking the right of way without asking is the same as a person who imposes upon your social energy by asking for that response without knowing whether or not you are prepared, or, failing that, without accepting that you may not have the energy for such a performance without notice.

I give myself the same damn pep talk every time I want to go for a walk. It doesn't matter who sees me, or who looks at me, or who wants to say hi. People who know me and want to say hi, well, when I've talked to them later, it's always been about how focused I am or whatever.

I don't know if it gets easier but please, consider that you are not responsible for all the possible social interactions, and if somebody sees you and thinks something negative that is a "them" problem not a "you" problem, when you're just trying to live your life.

I think you're absolutely right and I'm going to take this to heart next time I go out for a walk, thanks!

Thanks OP for starting this thread.

Absolutely, I really wanted someone to relate to on this forum. Or I guess what I mean more specifically is that I just want anyone that relates to me and the difficulties that I go through. It's a really lonely world and we have to take what we can get.

 

[AllCatsAreGrey]

half of these thoughts are missing...

I followed you well. People don't grasp how imposing they are with their social niceties.

 

[Jorms_McGander]

I think you're absolutely right and I'm going to take this to heart next time I go out for a walk, thanks!

Absolutely, I really wanted someone to relate to on this forum. Or I guess what I mean more specifically is that I just want anyone that relates to me and the difficulties that I go through. It's a really lonely world and we have to take what we can get.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to meet somebody I would identify with, by putting yourself out there.

We are in a touchy corner of the internet, and I am not here to tell you what to do. I would always appreciate any sort of validation you can offer, even if it's just these few messages at the end of your stamina; I do not know your context and will not obligate you to behave one way or another.

That said, thank you. Thank you for being honest. What would the value of this community be if we couldn't have open conversations? If people who were exploring the concept of ending their own lives were not allowed to discuss things with their peers?

I think sometimes, the part of society which fails us is that nobody understands. How are you supposed to run some gas station or do some welding or frame houses or work on some networking business when you don't even identify with your customers?

I have to cope with the fact that chance and nothing more than chance saved my life.... twice. Now my family thinks I'm a god damned angel????

I followed you well. People don't grasp how imposing they are with their social niceties.

that's right, and I haven't found a way to communicate as of yet. I hope to somehow make life easier for my niece and nephew; I'm not convinced it's possible and I'm not sure what'll happen to lil' ol' mortal me. Probably just nanny if I don't dissolve. And there's dogs I can look after too.

I really want to just choose "nonverbal" even though I know that's not an option. But I want to pretend, or something. What if I just never speak another word. I might be able to feel okay, then.

 

[itsraining]

We are in a touchy corner of the internet, and I am not here to tell you what to do. I would always appreciate any sort of validation you can offer, even if it's just these few messages at the end of your stamina; I do not know your context and will not obligate you to behave one way or another.

That said, thank you. Thank you for being honest. What would the value of this community be if we couldn't have open conversations? If people who were exploring the concept of ending their own lives were not allowed to discuss things with their peers?

I think sometimes, the part of society which fails us is that nobody understands. How are you supposed to run some gas station or do some welding or frame houses or work on some networking business when you don't even identify with your customers?

We've been given the keys to a car we don't know how to drive.... or something. I'm not good at analogies.
Also you're welcome, thank you so much for talking on here about your experiences. That alone is also validation for me!

 

[Jorms_McGander]

We've been given the keys to a car we don't know how to drive.... or something. I'm not good at analogies.
Also you're welcome, thank you so much for talking on here about your experiences. That alone is also validation for me!

my instinct is "heart" react but maybe that's weird. So I gave hug.

Do you want to drag-race these weird ape bodies we are on top of?

We've been given the keys to a car we don't know how to drive.... or something. I'm not good at analogies.
Also you're welcome, thank you so much for talking on here about your experiences. That alone is also validation for me!

I changed it to heart because I just noticed I wasn't reciprocating. Heart is appropriate. Like, I'm not gonna ask you on a date. But it touches my heart and I am heartwarmed to know we identify. This is good.

Sorry I have to do this manually lmfao

nobody asked me for anything just to be clear I'm just not used to people. I am not the person who decided that the heart shape should mean everything. I just wanted to be clear that I am just hearting cuz I am happy? Lmfao now it's like 30 edits, welcome to my life.

Thanks for reading me.

 

[itsraining]

I changed it to heart because I just noticed I wasn't reciprocating. Heart is appropriate. Like, I'm not gonna ask you on a date. But it touches my heart and I am heartwarmed to know we identify. This is good.

Sorry I have to do this manually lmfao

nobody asked me for anything just to be clear I'm just not used to people. I am not the person who decided that the heart shape should mean everything. I just wanted to be clear that I am just hearting cuz I am happy? Lmfao now it's like 30 edits, welcome to my life.

Thanks for reading me.

For me it just means "sending love," doesn't have to be romantic, but it depends on the nuance or whatever