Discussion Anybody here actually got better by finding their method?

[kindalone]

I've heard a lot of people who talk a lot about that finding and preparing the methods actually makes it easier to live or gives them a sense control so life doesn't feel like torture anymore. But is that really true? It sounds plausible to me but how does reality look like.

 

[Toobrokentofix]

I think so. Had my sn confiscated a few weeks ago n have lost my shit doing stupid ass stuff to myself ever since. Cutting, hitting my head, pulling my hair out, repeated overdoses, trying to hang myself in a frickin hospital. Literally feel so unstable. Was so much more calm before that.

 

[kindalone]

I think so. Had my sn confiscated a few weeks ago n have lost my shit doing stupid ass stuff to myself ever since. Cutting, hitting my head, pulling my hair out, repeated overdoses, trying to hang myself in a frickin hospital. Literally feel so unstable. Was so much more calm before that.

How did it get confiscated if you don't mind me asking. I feel like not many people know for what it's used for. If I would just let it sit around in the open, probably nobody would suspect much.

 

[Someone123]

Once you have a method you have confidence in you may decide to make one last ditch efoort to make life work, knowing that you have a backup plan in case it doesn't work out. It may be finding employment or finding a partner or some friends- it may give a person the energy to try one more time, knowing that they have a way out if it just makes things worse.

 

[outrider567]

Got better? no, even though it took me a month to get all my Nitrogen stuff--A brief period of relief knowing I got everything in place to CTB, but that's it--Still just as miserable as ever, the days are still long and empty

 

[ExistHarm]

Got better? no, even though it took me a month to get all my Nitrogen stuff--A brief period of relief knowing I got everything in place to CTB, but that's it--Still just as miserable as ever, the days are still long and empty

same, i received my SN yeserday, and nothing has changed..i have a feeling i might feel a little better with a better method, if i had a bottle of N, but alas i am plagued with thinking the grass is always greener..

 

[Walpurgisnacht]

I have the needed materials for an emergency exit in the back of my car and just knowing it is there if I need it helps my stability a lot.
I know that no matter what happens, if the worst thing ever came at me out of nowhere like it has before, I at least have the ability to escape the suffering.
Without that knowledge I would feel trapped by existence itself into having to endure any possible event that brings unbearable suffering onto me, and my baseline anxiety would be constantly higher for it.

I don't intend to use this emergency method. When I CTB I would rather use a more reliable, instant method of death, but that takes planning, preparation, and waiting to get right; so it's purely there for if I'm blindsided by something I cannot take again. The thought of having to do all that planning, preparation, and waiting while in unbearable suffering makes me extremely anxious, so it's calming to me to have this kinda "backup plan" if I need it.

 

[Toobrokentofix]

How did it get confiscated if you don't mind me asking. I feel like not many people know for what it's used for. If I would just let it sit around in the open, probably nobody would suspect much.

My ex was at my house with the kids and went looking for weed in my wardrobe because he is a cheeky asshole. I had it stashed with the AE and some oralmorph and he looked it up ig coz he knew n told me he was taking it away because its sinister

 

[rottingaway26]

I have the needed materials for an emergency exit in the back of my car and just knowing it is there if I need it helps my stability a lot.
I know that no matter what happens, if the worst thing ever came at me out of nowhere like it has before, I at least have the ability to escape the suffering.
Without that knowledge I would feel trapped by existence itself into having to endure any possible event that brings unbearable suffering onto me, and my baseline anxiety would be constantly higher for it.

I don't intend to use this emergency method. When I CTB I would rather use a more reliable, instant method of death, but that takes planning, preparation, and waiting to get right; so it's purely there for if I'm blindsided by something I cannot take again. The thought of having to do all that planning, preparation, and waiting while in unbearable suffering makes me extremely anxious, so it's calming to me to have this kinda "backup plan" if I need it.

What's your emergency method? I think I need one!

 

[Walpurgisnacht]

What's your emergency method? I think I need one!

Carbon monoxide poisoning in my car, the "charcoal grill" method combined with as many sedatives as I can take.
I do not recommend using this as a primary method, and keeping something like a bottle of SN or a syringe of fentanyl around for it is probably more effective, idk.
I would advise asking people with more knowledge of methods in general instead of choosing this one too, they probably would have better recommendations for an emergency exit strategy than I do.

 

[laceandsilk]

I haven't found my exact method yet, but I've felt a lot of relief since I've found this site and finally gotten to have access to so many resources and information and anecdotes on different CTB methods. It makes me feel as if there is hope of leaving, if I do finally decide one day to bite the bullet, in a way that may at least be semi peaceful. It does make living a bit more bearable because I think it helps me feel that I can end it if it gets too bad. Before I felt as if I was lost with no escape.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

I felt much happier once I settled on SN (especially after I realised I could get hold of AEs etc. to make it more comfortable as they seemed harder to get than SN at the time)-I hadn't gotten round to ordering the actual SN yet which is probably a good thing in hindsight due to all the police welfare checks for IC as that's where I would've got it from. Although if I never get a chance to get any again I'll be devastated. I feel like having panic attacks when I realise how trapped I am and that almost any other death natural or CTB will be painful and terrifying and I won't be prepared for it. I really just wanted that security. Any other method makes me feel worse as I don't think I could go through with it and it feels morbid reading about it but reading about N (before that option got taken away) followed by SN really calmed me. I guess I'm a control freak who needs to know I have a way out when I need it-my whole life is about avoiding suffering and I panic now without that safety net of a way out. Feeling like you are trapped in this reality against your will isn't good for anyone's health I wouldn't think but that's what the pro-lifers want for us.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I did feel better initially. Just knowing I had got my 'out' ready. Still- there's still the fear of actually doing it. Every day I picture what it might be like. I worry about the pain. I worry about it failing. I dread the act itself but I long to be gone.

These recent wellness checks have rattled me though. They didn't take my SN but- now they know I have it. I'm afraid of it becoming illegal to own and the police returning. It will presumably be on my medical files now too- so- I dread to think how that will affect things in the future. I guess obtaining anti-emetics officially is out. I have out of date meto- so, I'm hoping that will still do.

Plus, I'm pretty sure my neighbours know now- seeing as the police went there first. That isn't great.

It's just a weird feeling really. I just feel SO uneasy. I'm still waiting for my Dad to go first. If SN does become illegal though- I don't know what I'll do. I'm certain that would push people to CTB earlier than they intended to. So- yeah- it initially made me feel better but now, I just feel all on edge.

 

[Myexit]

Carbon monoxide poisoning in my car, the "charcoal grill" method combined with as many sedatives as I can take.
I do not recommend using this as a primary method, and keeping something like a bottle of SN or a syringe of fentanyl around for it is probably more effective, idk.
I would advise asking people with more knowledge of methods in general instead of choosing this one too, they probably would have better recommendations for an emergency exit strategy than I do.

I'm looking to have my own last BBQ as my exit method. Plenty of benzos and booze before the gas starts