Anybody else wants to ctb today?

[Hurt]

I wasn't feeling suicidal yesterday. But I do now. Mood changes.

 

[fox_wannabe]

Mood is really unpredictable thing. I went into the forest to hang myself near the road, in till very secluded place. This was fun enough for me to reconsider It and when I got there I really didn't want to die. It was beautiful place actually.

I also discovered that I am a conglomeration of internal voices, rather than one coherent person. Some of them want to die, some of them do not. While most of them are automatic and told me to kill myself, some of them reacted and said no. It is very weird feeling. I am not claiming that I am more than one person inside my head, It is just that I argue with myself. I think I will just walk around and explore my surroundings, because It is actually pretty fun, instead of sitting in front of my pc all day. I will go in evening becasue I cannot sleep anyway, and I do not like to see people around. Peace out.

 

[RazzleDazzle]

I want to. I'm not going to, though. But I'm sure as shit thinking about it. I feel so fragile. I'm trying to claw my way back into some sort of a stable life, but everything that makes me want to ctb is still a factor, so.... Suicide ideation is the only thing that's keeping me from killing myself right now, the relief that I get from thinking about it is making it possible to just keep going today. Sorta. I mean, I'm alive and breathing, I'm not necessarily stable or functioning.

 

[wanttodie]

me to I want to ctb everyday.

 

[Outandproud]

I

Mood is really unpredictable thing. I went into the forest to hang myself near the road, in till very secluded place. This was fun enough for me to reconsider It and when I got there I really didn't want to die. It was beautiful place actually.

I also discovered that I am a conglomeration of internal voices, rather than one coherent person. Some of them want to die, some of them do not. While most of them are automatic and told me to kill myself, some of them reacted and said no. It is very weird feeling. I am not claiming that I am more than one person inside my head, It is just that I argue with myself. I think I will just walk around and explore my surroundings, because It is actually pretty fun, instead of sitting in front of my pc all day. I will go in evening becasue I cannot sleep anyway, and I do not like to see people around. Peace out.

Want to see that forest so bad ‍

 

[fox_wannabe]

I

Want to see that forest so bad ‍

I will not send It.


Be careful not to dox yourself people by sending photos!

 

[Outandproud]

I will not send It.


Be careful not to dox yourself people by sending photos!

Thank you im just new here, learning.. apreciatte and like your posts

 

[fox_wannabe]

Thank you im just new here, learning.. apreciatte and like your posts

need to be careful here and what you ask for. There are people who would like to know your personal info and message local police for being on suicide forum.

 

[Outandproud]

need to be careful here and what you ask for. There are people who would like to know your personal info and message local police for being on suicide forum.

Wtf that would be hilarious!! But ok, ive read some people are trying to take this foroum down so i understand.

 

[PeacefulTonic]

Same. I'm so jealous you have everything you need though. Are you scared, even with N?

I'm not religious, so I'm not scared of what comes after. The only thing I'm scared of, is how my loved ones will take it, and if they can move on from it. But it's starting to get to the point where I'm gonna say fuck it and go through with it. If the only purpose of living is so my family and loved ones won't be sad, then I'm at the point where life isn't worth living anymore

 

[fox_wannabe]

I'm not religious, so I'm not scared of what comes after. The only thing I'm scared of, is how my loved ones will take it, and if they can move on from it. But it's starting to get to the point where I'm gonna say fuck it and go through with it. If the only purpose of living is so my family and loved ones won't be sad, then I'm at the point where life isn't worth living anymore

I am in the same spot to. I am too frustrated to care what family thinks, they never thought about risk of having kids in first place.

 

[Ch92921]

I would have done it long time ago!

 

[Dot]

Telling self prior Halloween b/ not know if will.

 

[Chockles]

My parents don't want me suffering anymore. I've been bed ridden 9 months 4 with them. Tried many methods & failed. They are devastated but know I'd be better off dead. I'm ordering N next week yet despite their support & my crippling pain I am scared of failing to swallow it down/go through with it as I have a lot of guilt/Regret. I guess because I don't have specific beliefs its hard yet I know it can't be any worse than this barely existing hell & tho my parents will struggle when I'm gone they aren't coping with me alive sufferring & unable to help or lead their own lives. They want me to go through with it yet I feel I haven't done enough to make up for our difficult relationship over the years & guilt ridden. I know I have to find the courage. I have swallowing difficulties at best of times my muscles/nerves don't work properly. I feel strangled every hour yet failed partial hanging I'm scared I'll fail again, ruin the end of their lives & end up in a psyche ward for decades in agony as no pain meds help me anymore burning electrical pain. I'm going to have to prepare even tho itll worsen my symptoms 200ml straight vodka which I hate see how long & how many gulps to get it down & have bought a bitter supplement to experiment with and botot mouthspray to help the taste. Will need to do this a few times I expect to practice bad taste gulped down within minutes. There is no one alive on support groups with my debilitating severe physical symptoms. I hope I find peace soon with N. A