Mornings are just the worst, especially after I've had my breakfast, coffee and cigarette, there's nothing to do, I feel worthless, there's this ugly feeling in my chest that lingers for hours.
Truly death is the only consolation in such desolate state of mind. I ask myself, would I put up with this feeling for one more day? ABSOLUTELY NOT, IT'S HORRENDOUS, this morning existential sickness. But I'll still wait a week or so until I can decide whether I want a handgun or jump off a building.
Or move to a different city away from family.