Gaga786
The Odds Are Never In My favour
- May 3, 2020
- 470
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I survived a carbon monoxide attempt back in April. I was put on Lexapro which is an SSRI. It definitely makes it harder to feel sad or depressed, but deep down I still hate my life. I keep chickening out on attempts.
LookingOverTheEdge
Hello Darkness my old friend
- Jul 13, 2020
- 355
Took a massive od about seven years ago. Many different types of pills, and an awful lot of them. Sat in my favourite place smoking some pot, waited to die.
My best friend, who I'd known long enough that he would just let himself in to my house, came round unexpectedly. Found me unconscious and called for help. I woke up about 5 days later. They had to put me in an artificial coma to save my life. And it was a neat thing too.
All I knew from the experience? Once you've swallowed a hundred plus tablets, it gets harder and harder to swallow more. Your body fights it and it's very hard to overcome. Aside from that, I basically just fell asleep. Knew nothing until I woke up in hospital.
Side note, do not recommend. It's a miracle I didn't give myself serious lasting damage
My best friend, who I'd known long enough that he would just let himself in to my house, came round unexpectedly. Found me unconscious and called for help. I woke up about 5 days later. They had to put me in an artificial coma to save my life. And it was a neat thing too.
All I knew from the experience? Once you've swallowed a hundred plus tablets, it gets harder and harder to swallow more. Your body fights it and it's very hard to overcome. Aside from that, I basically just fell asleep. Knew nothing until I woke up in hospital.
Side note, do not recommend. It's a miracle I didn't give myself serious lasting damage
LookingOverTheEdge
Hello Darkness my old friend
- Jul 13, 2020
- 355
Nope, completely unaware. A dreamless sleep if you will
That's awesome. When I went unconscious from CO poisoning I also just passed out and didn't feel anything. I started to gain awareness as they put me on oxygen but I couldn't wake up still until I got to the hospital.
LookingOverTheEdge
Hello Darkness my old friend
- Jul 13, 2020
- 355
Interesting. I knew nothing until I woke up days later. That part was incredibly surreal. Also disappointing. But after that I found the strength to pull myself together for for the last few years. Until now, but there you go.
When you woke up, I'm guessing it didn't feel like you were out for that long, right? I'm guessing you didn't feel time pass as you were out?
St. Jimmy
Suicide commando that your mama talked about
- May 3, 2020
- 251
LookingOverTheEdge
Hello Darkness my old friend
- Jul 13, 2020
- 355
Nope. I had no idea what was going on to be honest. I remembered what I'd done, everything after was just a blank. It was the same as when you wake up from sleeping. Just in this case it had been 5 days!
Life_and_Death
Do what's best for you 🕯️ I'm............
- Jul 1, 2020
- 7,031
im curious about the hospital experience...i have a phobia of needles and one thing stopping me is waking up with a bunch stuck in my body.
the most pain I felt was in the hospital when they stuck a needle in my artery to get my blood gas %. They said it had to be an artery which are much bigger than veins.
Mustkeyknow
Experienced
- Feb 8, 2020
- 275
I had two suicide attempts, I slit my wrists pretty bad last year, was put on psychic ward for two weeks, worst two weeks of my life. Then tried SN earlier this year, it was awful. But I'm still here. I feel a little bit better, but the wish to die still lingers.
suicidebabyseal
Nothingness just lasts a second
- Jun 5, 2020
- 30
May I ask if the ingestion of SN was painful? Did you feel sick or in pain?
Thanks for sharing your experiences
I didn't feel pain.
I didn't feel pain.
AnniesHideaway
Member
- Jul 1, 2020
- 52
When I was 15 I hung myself with a belt on a chin-up bar in the door frame. The belt had a metal tip, and after I passed out the weight from my body caused the metal tip to fly off ... which caused the knot to unravel. I woke up lying on the floor covered in blood with a massive gash on the side of my head. As I fell to the floor I apparently hit the garbage-can I was standing on when I did this.
I will say I never really decided to try and hang myself, but was just testing it out. It is apparently very easy to get yourself to pass out by just applying a little pressure on the neck with the belt.
This was a long time ago and I am a lot older now ... and I have regretted my whole life that I didn't make that fucking knot tighter that day.
I will say I never really decided to try and hang myself, but was just testing it out. It is apparently very easy to get yourself to pass out by just applying a little pressure on the neck with the belt.
This was a long time ago and I am a lot older now ... and I have regretted my whole life that I didn't make that fucking knot tighter that day.
I intentionally starved/dehydrated myself. I was giddy on the way out thinking I had "won" and was finally done with all of this. Then I started hallucinating and met a bunch of entities who showed me around this weird "pre-birth" area where souls enter bodies to come to Earth and so forth. Long story short, I decided to come back to Earth and woke up. I must have started eating and drinking again shortly afterwards, but I don't remember much of that.
I'll also say, since my OD attempt it's just hard to swallow pills in general, whether they be medication or vitamins etc. I feel this strong need to throw up when I see pills now.
I was a jumper its terrifying standing on the edge of the bridge your hole body is shaking youv gota fight with your mind to try and override it took me a few times goin back and for to the same place i would get ther and back out of it and then 1night i went ther standing on the edge the feeling u get is fuckin horrible ur mind and body knows u shudnt be doin this and then i just did it sadly it wernt successfull ended up waking up in the intensive care unit with a tracheostomy in after a 9hr long surgery on my face to piece it back togetha they wernt sure weather id pull thru but i did my wrist completely snapped my hand was flat to the top ov my arm and my leg was shatter i had surgery a few days later then to fix the arm and leg the pain was unreal and not being able to eat breath tidy or talk and had fo be tube fed bcoz the tracheostomy its scary now im left with horrible scars and disfigured and alot of pain so if any 1 decides to jump just have a good think isit high enuff and isit worth it
Caspers
Lost
- Jun 23, 2020
- 403
Took a shit load of pills and alcohol and had a heart attack. Unfortunately I was found and was under CPR for 42 minutes.
At the start of recovery I could barely move a muscle and had forgotten everything. I had to be taught how to talk, walk, I had to be taught how to shower myself. I was basically a 21 year old baby. I had forgotten everything including my name and most of my memory from my past is gone forever.
I get jealous and sad when people talk about their childhood, because I can't remember mine.
Now I have permanent brain damage and unfortunately the memory loss didn't get rid of my mental illnesses.
At the start of recovery I could barely move a muscle and had forgotten everything. I had to be taught how to talk, walk, I had to be taught how to shower myself. I was basically a 21 year old baby. I had forgotten everything including my name and most of my memory from my past is gone forever.
I get jealous and sad when people talk about their childhood, because I can't remember mine.
Now I have permanent brain damage and unfortunately the memory loss didn't get rid of my mental illnesses.
Sinai Silence
I think I'ma die alone inside my room
- Jul 6, 2020
- 810
I've survived a few attempts (unfortunately) with my most recent being an OD on a metric sh*t ton of pills (mostly antidepressants) and alcohol.
I was fading in and out of consciousness for a while, I'm not sure on timescales tbh. I woke up being wheeled into A&E with my family there.
They gave me some treatment, I threw up a lot and laid in a hospital bed for what felt like an eternity. I was seen by several nurses that did several things that I don't remember since I was so lethargic.
Eventually a Crisis Team member came to see me and started asking me the usual spiel. I told her it was compulsive (it wasn't) I was fine and just wanted to go home.
I got home and slept for a good 48 hours and had pizza when I woke up. Although I don't remember much of it the look of my family's faces from that day is imprinted in my mind. It was a day before Christmas Eve.
I was fading in and out of consciousness for a while, I'm not sure on timescales tbh. I woke up being wheeled into A&E with my family there.
They gave me some treatment, I threw up a lot and laid in a hospital bed for what felt like an eternity. I was seen by several nurses that did several things that I don't remember since I was so lethargic.
Eventually a Crisis Team member came to see me and started asking me the usual spiel. I told her it was compulsive (it wasn't) I was fine and just wanted to go home.
I got home and slept for a good 48 hours and had pizza when I woke up. Although I don't remember much of it the look of my family's faces from that day is imprinted in my mind. It was a day before Christmas Eve.
grungeCat
Awkward & weird
- Jul 5, 2020
- 1,110
Three times, all of them happened in the previous 5 years.
First time, I tried to jump off a block of flats. I climbed up the thing and I was just standing at the edge of the roof crying like an idiot, way too afraid to take that one step. Underneath me there were a bunch of spectators and then I saw hazy lights of firetrucks in the distance. I didn't want to speak with police negatiators as I was too scared of being transported to mental hospital (such a horrible place). I turned around and I ran away to my home. As I came down to the ground I realized there was already a plenty of emergency services preparing to spread out a rescue cushion. I don't know how on earth they didn't recognise me but I guess it's not important now. I spent that evening crying and taking drugs.
Second time I tried to cut my veins. I wasn't able to cut deeper than the first layers of my skin. The pain was too intense. I stretched out my wrist above the toilet because I didn't want to make a mess (funny, huh?). Unfortunately the blood from barely dabbed skin was dropping too slow to make a significant damage. My sister spotted me and called an ambulance. I spent 3 weeks in the worst mental hospital ever where I was constantly bullied. Great, isn't it?
Third time I tried to overdose non-prescription opiate meds. They are very easy to get in Poland. I thought they would provide me a painless death as they are very strong painkillers. I didn't read anything about opiates and that was a big mistake. I took way too little of these (10 pills, I thought then it's a lot of..., 300 mg of codeine in total) and I just got high. Very high. I haven't been so happy in my life. It affected my life very much. By that huge mistake I became a drug addict. I can't lay off morphine for 5 years.
First time, I tried to jump off a block of flats. I climbed up the thing and I was just standing at the edge of the roof crying like an idiot, way too afraid to take that one step. Underneath me there were a bunch of spectators and then I saw hazy lights of firetrucks in the distance. I didn't want to speak with police negatiators as I was too scared of being transported to mental hospital (such a horrible place). I turned around and I ran away to my home. As I came down to the ground I realized there was already a plenty of emergency services preparing to spread out a rescue cushion. I don't know how on earth they didn't recognise me but I guess it's not important now. I spent that evening crying and taking drugs.
Second time I tried to cut my veins. I wasn't able to cut deeper than the first layers of my skin. The pain was too intense. I stretched out my wrist above the toilet because I didn't want to make a mess (funny, huh?). Unfortunately the blood from barely dabbed skin was dropping too slow to make a significant damage. My sister spotted me and called an ambulance. I spent 3 weeks in the worst mental hospital ever where I was constantly bullied. Great, isn't it?
Third time I tried to overdose non-prescription opiate meds. They are very easy to get in Poland. I thought they would provide me a painless death as they are very strong painkillers. I didn't read anything about opiates and that was a big mistake. I took way too little of these (10 pills, I thought then it's a lot of..., 300 mg of codeine in total) and I just got high. Very high. I haven't been so happy in my life. It affected my life very much. By that huge mistake I became a drug addict. I can't lay off morphine for 5 years.
WitheringAway
Ima shake the champagne bottle...
- Jun 23, 2020
- 404
OD on pills... I told my sis and she said "YOURE GONNA BURN IN HELL" unfortunately I was brainwashed by religion at the time so I believed her and cried.. then my dumbass went voluntarily to the hospital.
Is anyone else like me where they would only attempt suicide if it was both certain death and also completely painless and peaceful?
The fear of becoming crippled or brain damaged to the point where I no longer have authority over my life is greater than the fear of death for me, so I need to make sure that there is no chance for survival. There goes a lot of common methods like overdosing.
The next fear is my survival instinct coming in as I am dying or about to die. See the whole point of me killing myself is because life has become unbearable and there is no hope left. It's my way to cope for anxiety and stress as well. Now, imagine all of the terror, stress, anxiety, pain, and more discomfort I would feel if I chose a very painful method like slitting wrists or a method that is likely to trigger my survival instinct like hanging or jumping.
Lastly, I also have a personal preference of wanting to die peacefully. Like imagine your most peaceful day where you had a better time than usual and slept like a baby, except you don't wake up. I am trying to find a sure fire but peaceful way to die like that.
Still, I know that if I am desperate or impulsive enough I will probably go for an extremely lethal but painful and scary method. I hope that it doesn't come down to that as I've been in situations like that in the past and it was nothing but pure mental anguish.
I did flip coins with my suicide in the past though. I made very casual plans to kill myself where I did not take it too seriously, so it ends up being very relaxing and peaceful. Kinda like resigning myself to death and feeling very comfortable with my future. Very calming. I ordered supplies for an exit bag but did no extensive planning, and by my luck, my family who normally dont care for my stuff decided to open the boxes. They threw it out and that was all of my money. I made similar halfhearted attempts to kill myself and they all failed because something unexpected happens and I get distracted later either by new anime, video games, or the two friends I made through reddit who somehow kept talking to me? Not for long though...
But now though, I think my luck has run out. I will make another similar attempt and this time I will roll a 20 and die.
The fear of becoming crippled or brain damaged to the point where I no longer have authority over my life is greater than the fear of death for me, so I need to make sure that there is no chance for survival. There goes a lot of common methods like overdosing.
The next fear is my survival instinct coming in as I am dying or about to die. See the whole point of me killing myself is because life has become unbearable and there is no hope left. It's my way to cope for anxiety and stress as well. Now, imagine all of the terror, stress, anxiety, pain, and more discomfort I would feel if I chose a very painful method like slitting wrists or a method that is likely to trigger my survival instinct like hanging or jumping.
Lastly, I also have a personal preference of wanting to die peacefully. Like imagine your most peaceful day where you had a better time than usual and slept like a baby, except you don't wake up. I am trying to find a sure fire but peaceful way to die like that.
Still, I know that if I am desperate or impulsive enough I will probably go for an extremely lethal but painful and scary method. I hope that it doesn't come down to that as I've been in situations like that in the past and it was nothing but pure mental anguish.
I did flip coins with my suicide in the past though. I made very casual plans to kill myself where I did not take it too seriously, so it ends up being very relaxing and peaceful. Kinda like resigning myself to death and feeling very comfortable with my future. Very calming. I ordered supplies for an exit bag but did no extensive planning, and by my luck, my family who normally dont care for my stuff decided to open the boxes. They threw it out and that was all of my money. I made similar halfhearted attempts to kill myself and they all failed because something unexpected happens and I get distracted later either by new anime, video games, or the two friends I made through reddit who somehow kept talking to me? Not for long though...
But now though, I think my luck has run out. I will make another similar attempt and this time I will roll a 20 and die.
xLosthopex
Tell my dogs I love them
- May 29, 2020
- 1,133
I've survived 20+ attempts, but I hadn't found this site at that point and most of the attempts were overdoses with whatever otc medication I could get my hands on
Also tried to use my anorexia as a form of suicide, I've come very close a number of times but have always ended up hospitalized before it got to that point
Also tried to use my anorexia as a form of suicide, I've come very close a number of times but have always ended up hospitalized before it got to that point
l did the same recently.
17 years ago l put a power cord in a jacuzzi . nothing happened - not like in the james bond film. i then took a whole packet of sleeping pills and swam out in the ocean at night with my backpack on. apparently those particular pills have the reverse effect when taken in large doses - kids use them to get high that way. i ended up making my way back to shore.
so tired or manic
Arcanist
- Jun 12, 2020
- 462
Probably survived 15+ attempts. A lot were because someone "came to my rescue" without having reached out. I've stopped taking insulin a couple times, but that takes days to kill and apparently after I'm unconscious someone manages to find me. Most over overdoses on whatever the psychiatrist was giving me, which may or may not be why my memory is such shit. Been in a few comas, couple medically induced, one my body was pretty far gone. they thought I was guaranteed to wake up with brain damage from the brain swelling if I woke up at all and here I am, just peachy keen, no lasting trauma. Taking too much insulin has only caused my body to be insanely insulin resistant so it's just not a good method for me anymore.
Eventually I had to convince myself that I either have to wait until the perfect moment or try my best to make life manageable, which the second can be done while waiting for the first.
Eventually I had to convince myself that I either have to wait until the perfect moment or try my best to make life manageable, which the second can be done while waiting for the first.
Notwinnernotawin
Specialist
- Apr 4, 2020
- 341
Tried to OD on a bunch of different pills about one year ago. Tried to cut my wrist but stopped because I realised it wasn't that easy. Tried partial hanging multiple times and guess what. Failed.
My SI stops me from any attempt ... I am so chicken .. I can't even do one thing right
