Any so called "failed genius's" here

[MiMif]

As the question asks and if you are one does it impact your suicidability?

I personally am one and it does greatly. I heard that child geniuses are actually special needs. Used to be at the top of my class and be called a genius now I can barely bring myself out of bed to study.

 

[Abyssal]

I am an ex-gifted child. Got diagnosed with adhd at a young age and can attribute my past grades and book smarts on my 55mg (if memory serves) methylphenidate. After a failed attempt of taking all my meds at once, I lost access to a medication that if I'm being completely honest was failing me anyways and I'm stuck raw dogging my adhd the way god intended. That said, I'm actually quite stupid outside the textbook and fail to pick up on sarcasm or mishear something. I'm actually a fucking idiot now.

 

[Rhizomorph1]

I think self-proclaiming oneself as a genius usually lacks a sense of self-awareness to the realities of what "geniusness" actually is. It may be more realistic for most people to call themselves intelligent as mental illness by nature is detrimental to various facets of mind which usually impairs some dimension of intelligence.

For example, I appraise myself as quite smart but I have very low social intelligence.

The multidimensional nature of intelligence highlights that few people are actually geniuses. Most are just quite skilled at their specialized field/trade.

But to answer your question, yes I do feel a breakdown of my intellect as I become more depressed and my chronic illness progresses. I love intelligent conversations but I am literally incompetent socially speaking.

If I were in school my grades would be far worse than a few years ago when I was excelling in university.

I am an ex-gifted child. Got diagnosed with adhd at a young age and can attribute my past grades and book smarts on my 55mg (if memory serves) methylphenidate. After a failed attempt of taking all my meds at once, I lost access to a medication that if I'm being completely honest was failing me anyways and I'm stuck raw dogging my adhd the way god intended. That said, I'm actually quite stupid outside the textbook and fail to pick up on sarcasm or mishear something. I'm actually a fucking idiot now.

God I relate so hard with the statement "I'm quite stupid outside the textbook and fail to pick up on sarcasm or mishear something".

I literally don't know how to function outside of my textbook. I spent a number of years identifying pretentiously with intelligence and something along the lines of "geniusness" (which my peers and family often complimented me on), but it always made me feel alienated as I have no idea how to just kick the shit and engage in humour, pop culture, organize my life around basic/collaborative work ethic, etc.

I've spent most of my adult life examining humans that I've never really participated in what it's actually like to be human and now I realize how robotic and truly unintelligent I am in most ways.

It's a lot of failed potential...

 

[cryone]

I heard that child geniuses are actually special needs.

ive heard something similar. a lot of people who are child geniuses have a higher chance of being depressed and having health issues. It's almost like they have to be balanced in someway lmao.



as for am I a failed genius? maybe. i wouldn't say I was ever a "genius" per se, but I was smart. I would be in the gifted programs as a child, and slowly I've fallen more and more behind. I think at first, this was a side effect of my suicide ideation, but then it slowly became a part of it. kind of like a positive feedback loop. id start off suicidal, then id lose motivation, then my ideation would be intensified because I'm falling behind, and the cycle repeats.

 

[MiMif]

I am an ex-gifted child. Got diagnosed with adhd at a young age and can attribute my past grades and book smarts on my 55mg (if memory serves) methylphenidate. After a failed attempt of taking all my meds at once, I lost access to a medication that if I'm being completely honest was failing me anyways and I'm stuck raw dogging my adhd the way god intended. That said, I'm actually quite stupid outside the textbook and fail to pick up on sarcasm or mishear something. I'm actually a fucking idiot now.

Same except I never got diagnosed I'm just very confident I have it based on my symptoms. I wanna do a test to see if I do. I got called gifted as a child after passing the dumb IQ test that labels you a genius. I breezed through school without studying but my symptoms got worst and worst and I could barely function told my mom I thought I had ADHD (which my elementary school teacher also said) but my mother said I was her daughter and their was nothing wrong with my head.

In highschool used to not studying and not trying as well as being hit with severe depression my grades stopped and I literally did 0 work. I still passed due to somehow passing the test with cramming the night before but now my minds thoroughly fucked and broken and I can't function.

 

[huphup]

Yup, I was supposedly gifted in childhood and also was the top of my class without much work. Now, it's coming back to bite me in the ass through depression.

I think a lot of it has to do with perfectionism and the idea that if you are smart you are seen as a hot-shot in school -> so this should permeate in life because (at least as a child) that is your whole life... until you realize life is not school. Parents also play a huge narrative in this expecting more and more out of you when you are already achieving so much.

My social skills have gone downhill since I got depressed. I used to be so full of life and wanted to hangout with people now I am nothing.

 

[passivethought121]

Did impact me sorta. Took an IQ test at 7, when I was way too young to understand or remember. Was put in the gifted class when I was 8-13 and I feel that was a mistake since I'm anything but. Annoying, stupid, loud, poor emotion control. Led to my smart gifted peers deciding to exclude me, or only include me and acknowledge me when the teacher forced them to. Learning in your formative years that you're intolerable, invaluable, and a burden to others around you truly sticks to your psyche. It's the foundation for all of my shit now

 

[annointed_towers]

I have a masters in Russian from Harvard. And yet here I am.

 

[Kundalini Guy]

I used to be at the top of my class too, even considered the smart kid which am not anymore. If my old teachers realized what became of me today they would be truly shocked.

 

[PairOfAirJordan1’s]

Nah I'm mad stupid

 

[Abyssal]

In highschool used to not studying and not trying as well as being hit with severe depression my grades stopped and I literally did 0 work.

Yeah, my experience as well. I didn't have to do jack shit when I was young so when middle school and high school hit I had no study skills. Turns out, past elementary school teachers just kind of churn out information rather than get hands in and make it fun to learn. Can't blame them, but the switch didn't work for me.

On the bright side, college has seriously worked for me. If you can, go online and work on your own time with asynchronous classes. That is what worked for me.

I've spent most of my adult life examining humans that I've never really participated in what it's actually like to be human

I found my adhd medication made me that way. That mixed with the bullying from my elementary school peers and teachers resulted in me almost minmaxing my intelligence because I thought it'd make up for having an annoying personalty. Online friendships and mmos saved me from total isolation but took me away from homework. I failed on both ends of the spectrum.

 

[NeedAnEscape]

I feel less intelligent now, compared to years past. I was in gifted programs, starting from age 8 and told that my math and reading skills made me special. As I matured, I faced more academic competition and realized that my peers had far grander achievements than I would ever be capable of obtaining. Suddenly, I was no longer 'special' and I found myself getting drowned out by the sea of remarkable individuals with bright futures ahead. I am not worthy of a 'grander future.' I started feeling inadequate to my peers, starting from about age 11. I didn't develop socially, too absorbed in my own studies. Those early stages of development still affect me to this day in personal and professional environments. All of the talents that once made me special now feel average. I rarely indulge in my hobbies, and I have not progressed in any significant way for years. Giftedness is a curse, not a blessing.

 

[Abandoned Character]

I was in the gifted classes.

Breezed through the exams by browsing reddit, masturbating, and sleeping. I never studied/worked all that often until the day before it mattered. Mind you, I would try to work, but my dopamine-craving brain would have me browse reddit/watch youtube instead.

College was harder. I preformed similarly to high school, but there were much stronger dips in my output and mental health. I cheated to get better grades during COVID, and I ultimately stopped short of my graduation. I walked and waved goodbye to my peers and teachers in a cap and gown, but I have yet to hold the degree. One final project holds me back. Supposed to spend 6 months on the project, I instead in the library roughly 30 hours a week just sleeping, browsing reddit, and going down unproductive rabbit holes.

Anyway, I understand what you mean. These days, I want nothing more than to sleep through it all. I consider myself "failed" in the sense that I failed to live up to the expectations my family and peers had of me. I am not a professional scientist. I am not an engineer. I am not a leader in any industry. I am an abandoned character, so to speak.

Fortunately for myself, I see failure and success as dynamic. Just because my trajectory is different than the projection doesn't mean I am a forever failure. Perhaps the projection of success I hold myself accountable to is the "failure." How do I know if I am holding myself to an unhealthy standard of success? I have to deeply ask myself what my values are, what I want my time spent to look like and feel like. As a result, I recently am letting myself spend time doing things I enjoy without any regard for whether or not I am a "failure." Everyone needs time spent in the safety of their own person doing things they enjoy without feeling any sense of expectation imposed upon them. Still, I need to put in the work. I try to forgive myself when I sleep all day though.

Hopefully that made sense. Thank you for posting the question, I hadn't thought about this in a while.

 

[Ashu]

I have a masters in Russian from Harvard. And yet here I am.

And I've got a PhD in Sanskrit from Cambridge, so I dig, brother or sister, I dig.

 

[Old Friend]

I'm not sure about genius but I was also near the top in my class in most things from an early age. I used to enjoy learning things and I found the school day passed quicker if I got stuck in rather than goofing around.

Of course, it was a foregone inclusion in my parent's minds that I would do well, get a good job, have a big house etc. No pressure, of course. You can well imagine how it actually turned out. Lol!

 

[Abandoned Character]

And I've got a PhD in Sanskrit from Cambridge, so I dig, brother or sister, I dig.

Sanskrit is a beautiful language. How is someone with your background managing these days? I only understand sanskrit in the context of Buddhism's sutras and Hinduism's upanishads.

 

[Darkover]

Most people with PhDs are not geniuses. Smart? Of course,

 

[Ashu]

Sanskrit is a beautiful language. How is someone with your background managing these days? I only understand sanskrit in the context of Buddhism's sutras and Hinduism's upanishads.

I ended up marrying and living in India, where I have low-paying work as a Sanskrit scholar. My personal loves are the Mahabharata and Ramayana. I will always wish I had stayed in Canada, washing dishes by day and reading the Sanskrit epics by night, but I know without a doubt that if I had, I would always have been sure that I had missed my true happiness by not going to India. I was doomed either and every way, like most of us here.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I think self-proclaiming oneself as a genius usually lacks a sense of self-awareness to the realities of what "geniusness" actually is. It may be more realistic for most people to call themselves intelligent as mental illness by nature is detrimental to various facets of mind which usually impairs some dimension of intelligence.

For example, I appraise myself as quite smart but I have very low social intelligence.

The multidimensional nature of intelligence highlights that few people are actually geniuses. Most are just quite skilled at their specialized field/trade.

But to answer your question, yes I do feel a breakdown of my intellect as I become more depressed and my chronic illness progresses. I love intelligent conversations but I am literally incompetent socially speaking.

If I were in school my grades would be far worse than a few years ago when I was excelling in university.

God I relate so hard with the statement "I'm quite stupid outside the textbook and fail to pick up on sarcasm or mishear something".

I literally don't know how to function outside of my textbook. I spent a number of years identifying pretentiously with intelligence and something along the lines of "geniusness" (which my peers and family often complimented me on), but it always made me feel alienated as I have no idea how to just kick the shit and engage in humour, pop culture, organize my life around basic/collaborative work ethic, etc.

I've spent most of my adult life examining humans that I've never really participated in what it's actually like to be human and now I realize how robotic and truly unintelligent I am in most ways.

It's a lot of failed potential...

All of this is exactly why younger me realised that it's bs when people called me smart. I'm not smart at all. I'm very, very stupid in a lot of areas of life. I have to work significantly harder just to be on the same level as everybody else

 

[figurehead]

More or less, don't think I was
ever considered a "genius", but certainly "especially gifted", whatever. I was always top of my glass, started a master but was "upgraded" to PhD half way through. Did my post-doc studies as well. Married a PhD as well. But today I compared myself to others and I feel that my work was a sham, that I should've never be awarded the degree. I've never really made into academia, half in other to protect myself from total demise.

 

[horrible]

I'm glad some people are starting to point it out. Gifted kids are indeed special needs, they never had the time to learn how to study, setting them up for failure in future grades and losing their so called "potential". I TRULY hate the pressure put on gifted kids it's so intensely cruel.

 

[tarococo]

Yes, I was considered a gifted kid, also always top of my class. I enjoyed studying and loved going to school.. But I also remember the pressure this put on me, since half my family wasn't even working or they never used to care a lot about their own education and money issues were a common struggle. Well, ended up disappointing everyone when my mental health started to seriously affect my performance in school. And now look at me, here I am.

 

[groucho]

I used to think I was smart, did well at school etc and I was arrogant about it, built a persona around it... But it was an impression of a smart person. As I've got older I've realised I'm just smart enough to know how stupid I am and that is the limit of my intelligence. I'm basically Salieri from Amadeus, doomed to appreciate a gift in others I'll never have.

 

[Rhizomorph1]

All of this is exactly why younger me realised that it's bs when people called me smart. I'm not smart at all. I'm very, very stupid in a lot of areas of life. I have to work significantly harder just to be on the same level as everybody else

Yup. I have a lot of conceptual intelligence, vocabulary, and ironically a ton of knowledge of psychology, sociology, and pharmacology.

It's ironic because despite how much I know about human behaviour, my own behavior is neurotic, impulsive, and dysregulated as fuck. My social intelligence is terrible. The common intelligences from daily living skills, socializing, pop culture, etc. Are terrible.

It's such a mixed bag that overall probably makes me pretty damn average. Yet I don't think I relate much to people with average intelligence since theres so much more variance across the subdomains of my intelligence...

Shit is wack

 

[islandsmurf_999]

I have a masters in Russian from Harvard. And yet here I am.

Why Russian?

 

[sserafim]

For example, I appraise myself as quite smart but I have very low social intelligence. God I relate so hard with the statement "I'm quite stupid outside the textbook and fail to pick up on sarcasm or mishear something".

I literally don't know how to function outside of my textbook. I spent a number of years identifying pretentiously with intelligence and something along the lines of "geniusness" (which my peers and family often complimented me on), but it always made me feel alienated as I have no idea how to just kick the shit and engage in humour, pop culture, organize my life around basic/collaborative work ethic, etc.

I've spent most of my adult life examining humans that I've never really participated in what it's actually like to be human and now I realize how robotic and truly unintelligent I am in most ways.

It's a lot of failed potential...

Same, but I've spent my whole life examining humans and I've never participated in what it's actually like to be human. I've always been an observer rather than a participant in life. I've never actually participated in life

 

[teajay1]

when i was only 11, i was pretty decent for my age at web design, python, lua, java, i was learning c++ and similar object oriented languages. i took an interest from making silly roblox games when i was 8 and everyone said i was gifted. then my parents started doing drugs and fighting and went homeless all at 12 so yeah i might not have been a 'genius' but i was a little gifted in the computer science field and depression ruined that

 

[willitpass]

I was always a straight A gifted student. Even through middle school while being abused at home and severely depressed with an eating disorder, my studies were my escape and I got As without even trying. It wasn't until mid way through high school that my mental health finally caught up with me and I nearly flunked out. When I started college I got my spark back somehow and have been thriving academically again up until a few weeks ago. My depression has gotten so bad again I don't have the drive to show up to class or do any work anymore. I feel terrible about it because this time around I'm putting my own money into this, so to fail is a massive waste of my time and money. Hopefully I'll be dead soon, and if not hopefully I can get myself back in check and get caught back up.

 

[wiinterfrost]

yep
"wow oh so genius", all the extra testing and pressure, "extremely high iq" and everything
my brain is mostly mush now, trauma, abuse and untreated mental illness/disability (and yeh i am also autistic) ruined and doomed me i guess lol

 

[INTJme]

I had become a human calculator by 3rd grade, to the point where I became a "show pony", both in school and outside of it. I had developed my own "formulas" and tricks to showcase how I performed mathematical operations so quickly. I kind of liked the attention in the beginning but when I started being "used", I gradually started to isolate myself. Formal education always seemed too boring to me; the only way I could do it was read hundreds of pages of text one night before exams. So yeah, I was pretty decent with reading speed too at an early age. I had my IQ tested at 13... turned out I wasn't as genius as people assumed (just 131) and so attention from me gradually shifted and I finally had some peace.

Edit: Forgot to mention how I failed lol. I'll keep it short and crisp.
My dad got diagnosed with cancer when I was in high school. Had to drop out to take care of business and finances. A couple years passed before I could resume education and by then I had become ineligible (by age) to pursue my dream of becoming an aerospace engineer. Then other shit happened but you don't need to know that.