Any fellow Bipolar peeps here?

[noname223]

I thought about the same thing as OP triggering a mania to escape the desperation/severe depression and might have the ability to work. I ended in an extremely horrible mixed episode. I never had such a horrible mixed episode. But after the mixed episode I currently have a more normal period. But I am not sure if my medication is responsible for it.
I hope so much that I have the guts to kill myself when I enter a new episode. I promised myself to end it when it gets that nightmarish again. My situation only got more and more hopeless. The last time I tried to give life a new chance. And it spit in my face dozens of times.

 

[lost_ally]

yes if I remember correctly then statistically mixed episodes are the episodes with the highest suicide rate. makes sense because you are very agitated and at the same time very depressed. I have bipolar 1 with mostly mixed episodes and it is hell

That feeling literally rips you up inside. No other way for me to explain it. Like paper being ripped apart, the physical feeling is very real.

I thought about the same thing as OP triggering a mania to escape the desperation/severe depression and might have the ability to work. I ended in an extremely horrible mixed episode. I never had such a horrible mixed episode. But after the mixed episode I currently have a more normal period. But I am not sure if my medication is responsible for it.
I hope so much that I have the guts to kill myself when I enter a new episode. I promised myself to end it when it gets that nightmarish again. My situation only got more and more hopeless. The last time I tried to give life a new chance. And it spit in my face dozens of times.

I hope you're ok, this sounds really difficult what you experienced.
You mentioned medication, were you coming off medication? For some reason, that triggers my mixed episodes (last year I broke my own foot. I didn't feel pain until after...followed by banging my head hard off the door frame and getting incredibly agitated and screaming/shouting.)

It's utter torment, this condition. I hope you find peace through the turmoil and I am here to talk if you ever need to. I know I'm a stranger, but sometimes that helps I guess.
Take care!

 

[noname223]

That feeling literally rips you up inside. No other way for me to explain it. Like paper being ripped apart, the physical feeling is very real.

I hope you're ok, this sounds really difficult what you experienced.
You mentioned medication, were you coming off medication? For some reason, that triggers my mixed episodes (last year I broke my own foot. I didn't feel pain until after...followed by banging my head hard off the door frame and getting incredibly agitated and screaming/shouting.)

It's utter torment, this condition. I hope you find peace through the turmoil and I am here to talk if you ever need to. I know I'm a stranger, but sometimes that helps I guess.
Take care!

Since I am taking lamotrgine it really helps. But when I tried to work it always triggered either severe depression or mania. I am really scared about poverty.

 

[lost_ally]

Since I am taking lamotrgine it really helps. But when I tried to work it always triggered either severe depression or mania. I am really scared about poverty.

That's good to hear lamotrigine helps! I've heard a lot of success with it.

Aah that's the worst :( I can completely relate. I'm on long term sick (nearly 2 years) as my episodes are triggered so easily..
Poverty is scary. Are you in the UK? or anywhere you can access a Larder? (As in a place where you can get free food, a bit like a food Bank but not quite the same?) That's helped me so much in terms of finances.

 

[dustyfurcollector]

The findings show anorexia to be the most deadly psychiatric diagnosis. The anorexia mortality rate of 5.86 is dramatically higher than: Schizophrenia, which increases death risk 2.8-fold in males and 2.5-fold in females.
According to many studies and statistics, the deadliest mental disorders are eating disorders. Eating disorders (anorexia, bulimia, and their atypical counterparts) have become the most dangerous mental health disorders in America and worldwide.

Isn't anorexia more deadly as a physical death as a side effect. I'm not saying this right. I believe original poster is his mentioned disorders result more often in suicide. Not overall death, but suicide in particular.

Am I wrong? I'm high, so there's no telling

I am pretty close to that phase myself and pretty scared of it.

I am pretty close to that phase myself and pretty scared of it.

 

[fox_wannabe]

I am self diagnosed, but I did have mania and depression episodes. I also have aspergers which makes things worse.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

Be careful about trying to force a manic episode.

You could wind up where I am, with only mixed episodes at this point.

They are torture. I cannot think of any other word that describes them as accurately. They are also incredibly dangerous.

I you're like me, you wind up in a place where you have the energy to ctb and the despair to see every reason why you should.

Failure is sometimes your likelihood of survival. That's why I'm still here - that, and a well-timed blizzard that fouled up my last, most perfect plan.

I owe my graduate degree to the mania that propelled me to complete an entire program in 11 months. I also owe, quite literally, tens of thousands of dollars in debt to that same mania that told me that taking out student loans was no big deal since I was going to change the face of my profession in just a few years.

Being bipolar sucks. You always come down. Always.

 

[freedompass]

Yeah bipolar 1 checking in and came off all my meds around July. Truly believed we were hitting the End Times (well we may be still) and that my time to shine had come haha. I have been pretty much consistently suicidal for at least a decade and often feel as if I actually died and was reborn. Honestly the highs, for me I know not all, can feel so great, I actually feel like that's the real me in a sense? Even tho some of my behaviour can be alienating to others at those times. But yeah in terms of just existing on the margins of society, taking the meds and isolating in my home. It's not a life and people say get a hobby etc but I am in love with the feeling of being a God, it's just such a crazy long way to fall!

 

[noname223]

Be careful about trying to force a manic episode.

You could wind up where I am, with only mixed episodes at this point.

They are torture. I cannot think of any other word that describes them as accurately. They are also incredibly dangerous.

I you're like me, you wind up in a place where you have the energy to ctb and the despair to see every reason why you should.

Failure is sometimes your likelihood of survival. That's why I'm still here - that, and a well-timed blizzard that fouled up my last, most perfect plan.

I owe my graduate degree to the mania that propelled me to complete an entire program in 11 months. I also owe, quite literally, tens of thousands of dollars in debt to that same mania that told me that taking out student loans was no big deal since I was going to change the face of my profession in just a few years.

Being bipolar sucks. You always come down. Always.

A guy in my bipolar self-help group only had manic episodes. It ruins his relationship but he barely knows depressions. I am kind of jealous.

 

[little helpers]

or take over the country.

you have all my political support. will vote if you run for president. /s

cuz let's be honest, Biden is just "soft", secret Trump. tweets on Trans Day of Remembrance and then what? goes to meet some alt-Right motherfuckers and be like "sure we gonna kill more of 'em". or the 1994 crime bill. mass incarceration. Black youth to Biden means motherfucking "predators". woah, that's a huge display of *your* ambitiously predatory behaviors, lil Joe.

anyways. I don't have bipolar tbh but it's weird that my body seems to have it. what sort of "delusional" crap am I saying, you ask? well, super low, subtherapeutic dose of a weak, mellow SSRI (was it lexapro?), and I was so goddamn high and started hallucinating by midnight. and what did I write on my notes? "I AM METH KING" and a ton of other shit like that.

if you want a meth king to rule your country, contact me. it'll only require a tiny bit of SSRI. /s

 

[TheEndTimes]

I'm bipolar 1 with complex ptsd, neurodivergence, and possibly dissociative identity disorder. Since I had Covid, I haven't had a pure manic episode.