Since I was 15 I've tried to ctb 13 or 14 times, and 1 "almost" attempt. I lost track lol. The majority of them were overdoses on otc medicine and antidepressants (I was a teenager okay

I'm more than aware that this is not a viable method lol)
It's our instinct to survive; after all we are only human :/ The thought of failing an attempt to ctb is incredibly nerve wracking. I think putting your negative feelings and thoughts into your attempt can help bypass the si and help you feel more determined. I know it's easier said than done though