Any Chinese?

[2915Jade]

I have to say the little English I have learnt in school finally help me. Of course, I still use google translation in most time, and the translation is just so so.
I have depression for many years, the SDS and SCL90 show it more worser than before. But my family have no money and no love. Maybe many parents in China are in this style.
I am sad always, in recently weeks, only when I find painless suicide way I will be happy.
Sometimes I try to write my painful memory down, I can feel a little calm and easy-going. Calm and easy-going? Maybe numbing is more accurate.
What a sad reality! Only numbing can make me still stay in the world for some days. I will do my plan in May. I hope everything going well, because if fail, my body will be hurt seriously, and I maybe a vegetable person and have to be trample by other people.
(I never think this government and society can really face patient with mental disease)

 

[WhenTheyCry]

wait so you're native Chinese? or diaspora?

 

[2915Jade]

wait so you're native Chinese? or diaspora?

Native Chinese. If this website has a Simplified Chinese thread, I will be happy., for my English really not good, reading is slowly.

 

[WhenTheyCry]

Native Chinese. If this website has a Simplified Chinese thread, I will be happy., for my English really not good, reading is slowly.

What brings you here?

 

[2915Jade]

What brings you here?

It is luck for me because I know VPN. You know the discussion control in China, suicide is not allowed in public horizon. Of course, due to the tradition in China society, death also is a bad topic. I try to find a free site for that. I use google search and I am lucky enough find there.

 

[WhenTheyCry]

It is luck for me because I know VPN. You know the discussion control in China, suicide is not allowed in public horizon. Of course, due to the tradition in China society, death also is a bad topic. I try to find a free site for that. I use google search and I am lucky enough find there.

Be careful admitting that you're Asian on the western internet. It paints a target on your back and people might encourage you into suicide instead of improving your situation. I am pro-choice, if your suffering is so heavy that you have no other solutions, I would understand why you'll want to escape from life. I would definitely advise you to try to seek help first before doing so though. I'm just afraid that you're going to attract bad actors, people who have a vendetta against your race, who will manipulate you into killing yourself not for the sake of easing your pain, but rather to satisfy their racist hatred.

Have you tried consulting a professional therapist/doctor, or your family and friends? You did post this thread in the "Recovery" section and not the "Suicide Discussion" section.

 

[2915Jade]

Be careful admitting that you're Asian on the western internet. It paints a target on your back and people might encourage you into suicide instead of improving your situation. I am pro-choice, if your suffering is so heavy that you have no other solutions, I would understand why you'll want to escape from life. I would definitely advise you to try to seek help first before doing so though. I'm just afraid that you're going to attract bad actors, people who have a vendetta against your race, who will manipulate you into killing yourself not for the sake of easing your pain, but rather to satisfy their racist hatred.

Have you tried consulting a professional therapist/doctor, or your family and friends? You did post this thread in the "Recovery" section and not the "Suicide Discussion" section.

Thank you for your kind suggestion! I am safe in this website until now, nobody tries to control me. I had accepted treatment for many years since 2018, actually the treatment is not very efficient for me, my sleep has been destroyed, so I stop it in 2022. I am a burden for my family and friends, maybe also a burden for the world.
The reason why I post this thread in the "Recovery" section, because I just want to listen other people's story. It can make me feel a little better. Live is a trouble, many people like me are suffering endless pains. I am lonely, I have stay in my small room for weeks, in a strange city. I plug the curtain, no sun coming. I hate sunshine for the brighten world not belong me.
My life and my time has paused, then being blank. Only painful memory accompanies me. I still live in April because I am waiting a turning point to work me out, but as you and me know, the hope is small, infinitely close to impossible.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Be careful admitting that you're Asian on the western internet. It paints a target on your back and people might encourage you into suicide instead of improving your situation.

Huh? This has never happened to me and I'm Asian, though I consider myself more of an American since I was born and raised in California and can't speak Mandarin.

My parents were of Chinese ancestry but both were actually from Taiwan.

 

[WhenTheyCry]

Thank you for your kind suggestion! I am safe in this website until now, nobody tries to control me. I had accepted treatment for many years since 2018, actually the treatment is not very efficient for me, my sleep has been destroyed, so I stop it in 2022. I am a burden for my family and friends, maybe also a burden for the world.
The reason why I post this thread in the "Recovery" section, because I just want to listen other people's story. It can make me feel a little better. Live is a trouble, many people like me are suffering endless pains. I am lonely, I have stay in my small room for weeks, in a strange city. I plug the curtain, no sun coming. I hate sunshine for the brighten world not belong me.
My life and my time has paused, then being blank. Only painful memory accompanies me. I still live in April because I am waiting a turning point to work me out, but as you and me know, the hope is small, infinitely close to impossible.

Lol, you are not safe in the western public web. People may see your posts about your suffering and give you likes, but secretly they might enjoy the sight of your pain. I'm noticing signs in this forum and I'm planning on migrating to a different community where I know for sure there aren't certain types of people having fun at my expense. I will send you a discord link to this server.

Edit: nevermind can't send it because your account is too new

 

[2915Jade]

So...how can i make my account old? send more thread and reply?

 

[Meteora]

So...how can i make my account old? send more thread and reply?

Yes. Just post (i think) 30 times and you have access to everything. There is forum games, with them it is easy to reach the recommended posts.

People may see your posts about your suffering and give you likes, but secretly they might enjoy the sight of your pain. I'm noticing signs in this forum

I never noticed it in this forum (and I m pretty paranoid about exactly what you say, that people just enjoy my pain).

 

[Orangee]

你好，我说中文，不太会读，需要什么帮助吗？

 

[Coconut blue]

你好我也是中国人:)

 

[bieatmania]

hi, I am son of chinese immigrant from Japan. I used to have identity crisis but now I love the feeling of not belonging to somewhere and wandering.