drinkthenectar
Member
- Jan 12, 2024
- 10
Slipped up to my boyfriend that I self harm. He was not very happy. He thinks it's stupid to do it even though I told him my reasoning. I love him but he's one of the reasons why I hurt myself in the first place too.
I call this one
Self-inflicted pain.
I love to hurt myself
I know it is not a good thing to do
but it gives me so much comfort
because for once,
I am in pain on my own accord.
I know thats such a cliché thing to say,
but it really is true
I am too scared of the cold blades
I am too scared of how it bleeds
I don't want scars as they parade
how im a failure of my breed
I needed something temporary.
not a deep cut,
but a hard scratch
right on the surface.
enough for me to hurt,
but not too much
for them to catch
that im a disgrace.
and so I found my remedy.
not a keen knife,
but a sharp edge
on a piece of acrylic.
with it I draw a line
for every strife,
and every conflict.
enough to cause me pain,
but not too much
to leave me bloodstained.
I love the way it stings
and I love it more,
the way it does not stay
every new morning,
gone was the trace
of the skin I tore.
by the next day,
I am just like I was before.
I can find solace within these red lines
unlike how I never did with all their white lies
all im my face, follow the script, tell me "you'll be fine"
when we both know I'll only have real peace on the day I die.
so until the day I make my final call
I'll be drawing lines on my skin
watching them fade
not even completely
just to add more again.
I'll be hurting outside and in
watching their foolish faces
not knowing at all
how many lines here they have made
telling me they love me
and then hurting me
until the end.
For the longest time I always try to self harm discreetly, both because I'm hate how cuts feel and how it's very visible. I don't want people to see because they'll just give me their fake annoying concerns. I now mainly starve and "cut" (scratching very hard) with acrylic/plastics, mostly I'm using this keychain I have with some square edges. I also used to pull out my hair too when I was younger. I love the way the pain feels, it's so calming to do it distract myself from whatever else is hurting me.
I call this one
Self-inflicted pain.
I love to hurt myself
I know it is not a good thing to do
but it gives me so much comfort
because for once,
I am in pain on my own accord.
I know thats such a cliché thing to say,
but it really is true
I am too scared of the cold blades
I am too scared of how it bleeds
I don't want scars as they parade
how im a failure of my breed
I needed something temporary.
not a deep cut,
but a hard scratch
right on the surface.
enough for me to hurt,
but not too much
for them to catch
that im a disgrace.
and so I found my remedy.
not a keen knife,
but a sharp edge
on a piece of acrylic.
with it I draw a line
for every strife,
and every conflict.
enough to cause me pain,
but not too much
to leave me bloodstained.
I love the way it stings
and I love it more,
the way it does not stay
every new morning,
gone was the trace
of the skin I tore.
by the next day,
I am just like I was before.
I can find solace within these red lines
unlike how I never did with all their white lies
all im my face, follow the script, tell me "you'll be fine"
when we both know I'll only have real peace on the day I die.
so until the day I make my final call
I'll be drawing lines on my skin
watching them fade
not even completely
just to add more again.
I'll be hurting outside and in
watching their foolish faces
not knowing at all
how many lines here they have made
telling me they love me
and then hurting me
until the end.
For the longest time I always try to self harm discreetly, both because I'm hate how cuts feel and how it's very visible. I don't want people to see because they'll just give me their fake annoying concerns. I now mainly starve and "cut" (scratching very hard) with acrylic/plastics, mostly I'm using this keychain I have with some square edges. I also used to pull out my hair too when I was younger. I love the way the pain feels, it's so calming to do it distract myself from whatever else is hurting me.
