Another fight..

[thovens]

Another fight with my parents. The people who treated me like shit and made me wanna die, now they say to me that I don't care about my life and that I've given up. When I was a kid and a teenager (the most sensitive and crucial years of my life) they were abusive. They were cursing me, shouting at me all the time, degrading me, beating me up (my father with his belt) and constantly rejecting me when I wanted to talk-discuss with them. They made me feel like a piece of trash. They made me hate life. And now, after so many years, they blame me for giving up. They blame me for the wounds I have in my soul. They blame me for not wanting to live anymore..

 

[todiefor]

Sigh I'm really sorry your parents have wounded you so deeply in your soul and continue to hurt you. It makes me so mad, parents give life and yet choose not to take proper responsibility, and they have so much power over us in shaping us and destroying us, and then maybe even after ctb they will call us weak and selfish. What you have gone through sounds horrible, to be beaten and yet when you reach out for support they reject you. They are making life hell for you and then blaming you for not enjoying the hell they've created.

 

[thovens]

Sigh I'm really sorry your parents have wounded you so deeply in your soul and continue to hurt you. It makes me so mad, parents give life and yet choose not to take proper responsibility, and they have so much power over us in shaping us and destroying us, and then maybe even after ctb they will call us weak and selfish. What you have gone through sounds horrible, to be beaten and yet when you reach out for support they reject you. They are making life hell for you and then blaming you for not enjoying the hell they've created.

Some people should never become parents. They can destroy a life without even understanding the damage they are causing.

 

[FuneralCry]

That really sounds like such a horrible situation, it certainly disgusts me how humans create so much unnecessary suffering in this world.

 

[S like suicide]

Another fight with my parents. The people who treated me like shit and made me wanna die, now they say to me that I don't care about my life and that I've given up. When I was a kid and a teenager (the most sensitive and crucial years of my life) they were abusive. They were cursing me, shouting at me all the time, degrading me, beating me up (my father with his belt) and constantly rejecting me when I wanted to talk-discuss with them. They made me feel like a piece of trash. They made me hate life. And now, after so many years, they blame me for giving up. They blame me for the wounds I have in my soul. They blame me for not wanting to live anymore..

Exactly!Not always family is a safe nurturing space...i am sorry for what you had to went throught

 

[thovens]

And it makes me mad that they don't understand what they did wrong and they still blame me for what is happening all these years.

 

[todiefor]

Could u suggest going to therapy with your parents? I know it's a long shot, but with a third party who will understand your plight and be able to explain it to your parents it might help them to hear it from a 3rd party

 

[thovens]

Could u suggest going to therapy with your parents? I know it's a long shot, but with a third party who will understand your plight and be able to explain it to your parents it might help them to hear it from a 3rd party

I visited a therapist with my mother several times but it seems that she can't accept the reality. She keeps blaming me. There's no hope..

 

[todiefor]

Argh I'm so sorry, that must be beyond disappointing, I also did try that and it didn't quite work out either. I know how important their understanding of you as a person and their acknowledgement of their role in your suffering must mean to u. You are not alone in this though, most people on this forum have had similar experiences, I hope u can talk about it more here and feel less alone and hopeless.

I take it you must have also seen individual therapy as well?

 

[thovens]

Argh I'm so sorry, that must be beyond disappointing, I also did try that and it didn't quite work out either. I know how important their understanding of you as a person and their acknowledgement of their role in your suffering must mean to u. You are not alone in this though, most people on this forum have had similar experiences, I hope u can talk about it more here and feel less alone and hopeless.

I take it you must have also seen individual therapy as well?

Yes of course, for a long time. But the therapist couldn't help me. She said that things are more serious than she expected and suggested me to visit a psychiatrist to start taking meds for my depression and anxiety disorder. I haven't visited one yet..

 

[todiefor]

Yes of course, for a long time. But the therapist couldn't help me. She said that things are more serious than she expected and suggested me to visit a psychiatrist to start taking meds for my depression and anxiety disorder. I haven't visited one yet..
:( I'm sorry, therapists sometimes can be so limiting, I wish they told u this sooner rather than have taken up such a long time. Is there such thing as psychiatrists that also do alot of talking therapy that approaches everything in a more holistic approach in trying to understand someone rather than, just meds or just talking? I do hope you visit a psychiatrist.

Parents really can be the absolute worst. To be honest most of the time I find it extremely difficult to even carry on a conversation with my parents without the resentment taking over. So I hear u

 

[Sweet Tart]

Oh this is so familiar, except I was not physically abused. I'm sorry you experienced that and everything else. And it sounds like now they are gaslighting you, trying to convince you that your emotional response to a history of trauma at their hands is your problem, not theirs.

It took me a long time to realize that I will never get thru to my mom or have a real relationship with her, no matter how much effort and kindness I offer. I hope you are able to get away from your parents, as it sounds like they are not healthy for you, either. I hope therapy and/or meds can help as well.

 

[thovens]

Yes of course, for a long time. But the therapist couldn't help me. She said that things are more serious than she expected and suggested me to visit a psychiatrist to start taking meds for my depression and anxiety disorder. I haven't visited one yet..
:( I'm sorry, therapists sometimes can be so limiting, I wish they told u this sooner rather than have taken up such a long time. Is there such thing as psychiatrists that also do alot of talking therapy that approaches everything in a more holistic approach in trying to understand someone rather than, just meds or just talking? I do hope you visit a psychiatrist.

Parents really can be the absolute worst. To be honest most of the time I find it extremely difficult to even carry on a conversation with my parents without the resentment taking over. So I hear u

I can't have a conversation with them. They never listen. They have their opinion and they accept nothing out of it. It's like talking to the wall. There's no meaning..

Oh this is so familiar, except I was not physically abused. I'm sorry you experienced that and everything else. And it sounds like now they are gaslighting you, trying to convince you that your emotional response to a history of trauma at their hands is your problem, not theirs.

It took me a long time to realize that I will never get thru to my mom or have a real relationship with her, no matter how much effort and kindness I offer. I hope you are able to get away from your parents, as it sounds like they are not healthy for you, either. I hope therapy and/or meds can help as well.

I live alone now but their problematic behaviour destroyed my life. I'm 32 now and I never managed to leave this story behind me. It's like an open wound inside me that slowly leads me to death. I'll never get over this..

 

[todiefor]

I can't have a conversation with them. They never listen. They have their opinion and they accept nothing out of it. It's like talking to the wall. There's no meaning..

I live alone now but their problematic behaviour destroyed my life. I'm 32 now and I never managed to leave this story behind me. It's like an open wound inside me that slowly leads me to death. I'll never get over this..

Wow you are like me quite a number of years ago. I really feel for u I totally understand how it doesn't matter what u say, they have their own narrative and their own view of how things should be, it's like u must embody all of their expectations of what their child should be, it's like you are a cut board cut out and they talk through u. They will never be there when you need them the most.

This is my honest advice as much as it pains me to say this. U need to just stop having any more expectations of them as parents, do whatever u need to to achieve that, this is significantly harming your own well-being, and they will never change, u have to accept they will never change and stop letting it affect you. Don't even harbour any closeted hope/optimism like I did. No more expectations = no more pain. Otherwise u can torture yourself until you're dead and genuinely, they will not even change if you are dead. Don't let yourself get to that point it's not worth it. U have to get over this, I'm the example of if u don't get over it.

 

[thovens]

Wow you are like me quite a number of years ago. I really feel for u I totally understand how it doesn't matter what u say, they have their own narrative and their own view of how things should be, it's like u must embody all of their expectations of what their child should be, it's like you are a cut board cut out and they talk through u. They will never be there when you need them the most.

This is my honest advice as much as it pains me to say this. U need to just stop having any more expectations of them as parents, do whatever u need to to achieve that, this is significantly harming your own well-being, and they will never change, u have to accept they will never change and stop letting it affect you. Don't even harbour any closeted hope/optimism like I did. No more expectations = no more pain. Otherwise u can torture yourself until you're dead and genuinely, they will not even change if you are dead. Don't let yourself get to that point it's not worth it.

I know they will never change. I try to move on but this story ruins my life all these years. I can't forget what I lived. I just can't . Their behaviour made me who I am today. A person full of wounds that is afraid to live..

 

[todiefor]

I know they will never change. I try to move on but this story ruins my life all these years. I can't forget what I lived. I just can't . Their behaviour made me who I am today. A person full of wounds that is afraid to live..

I know exactly how u feel. Channel all that resentment into forgiving and accepting yourself, they really damaged you and made you afraid to live I totally know what you mean, focus on proving yourself wrong, turn the pain into awareness and learning that could help you live a better life. You don't have to forgive them, and u should not try anymore. You don't have to forget either, your feelings then and your feelings now are totally valid and real. Whatever you do, don't harbour the hope that they will be there for you when u need them the most, because they wouldn't and that will destroy u. Oh and don't be attracted to people who subconsciously remind you of your parents so you can relive it in an attempt to change the outcome. That shit is bad. You have to learn to be at peace with it or it will destroy you at the time when you are most vulnerable. Sorry about all these fairly meaningless words, I know it's far more difficult than I'm making it sound if not impossible, but I hope u get my point.

 

[thovens]

I know exactly how u feel. Channel all that resentment into forgiving and accepting yourself, they really damaged you and made you afraid to live I totally know what you mean, focus on proving yourself wrong, turn the pain into awareness and learning that could help you live a better life. You don't have to forgive them, and u should not try anymore. You don't have to forget either, your feelings then and your feelings now are totally valid and real. Whatever you do, don't harbour the hope that they will be there for you when u need them the most, because they wouldn't and that will destroy u. Oh and don't be attracted to people who subconsciously remind you of your parents so you can relive it in an attempt to change the outcome. That shit is bad. You have to learn to be at peace with it or it will destroy you at the time when you are most vulnerable. Sorry about all these fairly meaningless words, I know it's far more difficult than I'm making it sound if not impossible, but I hope u get my point.

At this point, I think that only meds could help me. This loop of unpleasant everyday thoughts cannot be broken by the words of a professional. My condition was never so bad as it is now. If I keep going like this, I'm not gonna make it. They destroyed me.

 

[todiefor]

I'm really sorry they hurt you so badly. Meds is a good idea, maybe prioritise that now and get asap, sounds like u r in a cycle that needs to be broken yeah. Keep talking to us here though if u want to vent