Anorexia

[bearbrikk]

Less than a year ago I lost my friend due to anorexia. I still suffer from it so to know exactly how she felt and it is heartbreaking. Im mad a the doctors who only kept her alive to create a higher medical bill. I'm mad no one could help her. And I feel shame for being angry with her. The thought'' Just eat, I could do it so can you'' '' why did you give up'' still haunts me. I am ashamed when Those thoughts come up because I know how hard it is and it is NOT that simple. But I think these things out of loss,out of pain. I still refuse to let her go. I'm not gonna mourn. She is in my heart and that's it. She is still here. I was not there when she was suffering, when she needed someone. I was not there. If only I knew, I would have been there. I know how it feels, what it does to you. I could have helped her....maybe?

 

[slightoverlooked]

i am sorry to hear about your friend :(( anorexia is such a horrible disorder. pls dont blame yourself i feel like its rlly hard to help someone with an ED especially bc it can make us have competitive thoughts. Its so socially isolating and it can make us paranoid that the people around us just want us to gain weight and sabotage our "progress" :(( the doctors failed your friend and I wish there professionals would be better at treating this illness :((
again, I'm sorry to hear about your friend and personal suffering from this disorder. it truly feels like hell on earth 90 percent of the time.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[PinballWizard39]

I can understand your pain. I suffered from anorexia for years and I have lost friends to it. You do just want to yell at them to eat, but at the same time, you know yourself how difficult it can be to even take a bite of an apple. Her doctors failed her, not you. Whatever your feelings are, they are valid. When my friend died, I felt some hideous type of survivors guilt, in that I survived the depths she was in when she died, so why did I live and she died? You can never answer that as every persons ability to deal with starvation, or anything, is different. Please don't beat yourself up for not being there, you were suffering your own hell with the illness. You were not to know that she was going to die, not really. I think when you suffer from anorexia you are always in some degree of denial of how bad your own situation is, and then to a degree, denial of those around you. As i said, feel how you need to feel so that in time, you can come to process it more fully.

 

[bearbrikk]

i am sorry to hear about your friend :(( anorexia is such a horrible disorder. pls dont blame yourself i feel like its rlly hard to help someone with an ED especially bc it can make us have competitive thoughts. Its so socially isolating and it can make us paranoid that the people around us just want us to gain weight and sabotage our "progress" :(( the doctors failed your friend and I wish there professionals would be better at treating this illness :((
again, I'm sorry to hear about your friend and personal suffering from this disorder. it truly feels like hell on earth 90 percent of the time.

It truly is. But maybe she would have felt alone..

I'm sorry for your loss.

Appriciate it!

I can understand your pain. I suffered from anorexia for years and I have lost friends to it. You do just want to yell at them to eat, but at the same time, you know yourself how difficult it can be to even take a bite of an apple. Her doctors failed her, not you. Whatever your feelings are, they are valid. When my friend died, I felt some hideous type of survivors guilt, in that I survived the depths she was in when she died, so why did I live and she died? You can never answer that as every persons ability to deal with starvation, or anything, is different. Please don't beat yourself up for not being there, you were suffering your own hell with the illness. You were not to know that she was going to die, not really. I think when you suffer from anorexia you are always in some degree of denial of how bad your own situation is, and then to a degree, denial of those around you. As i said, feel how you need to feel so that in time, you can come to process it more fully.

Yeah youre right. I was always in denial a little because of how scared how was of the disease and my thoughts. Im sorry for your loss. I appreciate the insite.