Venting Anorexia Relapse

[dejaentendu]

I just miss the feeling of starving myself. I remember being 110 lbs at 5'8 and it just felt so good. It's not a great feeling physically, but it made me feel great mentally. It deteriorated me physically; i was constantly cold, weak, and tired, my hair thinned, my skin was pale, i lost my period. Though for some reason I still wish that I never recovered. I'm currently not allowed to have scales in my house so I don't even know my current weight. I think it's around 119 and I honestly feel so fat. My mother even goes out of her way to say that my face looks fat just to taunt me. I feel like relapsing and starving until I die.

I hate my body on top of the other issues I have and there's honestly nothing I can do about it. I just wish to feel beautiful, and happy, and loved. I wish I had close friends who care, I wish my parents loved me, and I wish didn't want to die.

 

[dizzdesi]

I'm so sorry that you're going thru this...I have an ED too and I often look back to the days I was skinnier when I'd get tons of compliments, but I was in the height of my ED and people didnt even know it :(( Your mother of all peope should not be doing that to you. Things like that make it even harder to recover; you are suffering enough. I am so sorry OP </3

 

[dejaentendu]

I'm so sorry that you're going thru this...I have an ED too and I often look back to the days I was skinnier when I'd get tons of compliments, but I was in the height of my ED and people didnt even know it :(( Your mother of all peope should not be doing that to you. Things like that make it even harder to recover; you are suffering enough. I am so sorry OP </3

it's okay :( hopefully things will get better for me and i hope they do for you too