this tuesday, the 14th, was supposed to be my one year anniversary with my ex. he broke up with me three months ago and ever since i've been actively suicidal every single day. i thought he was always going to be there for me. he told me he knew that he was hurting me by leaving. he said he wanted to help me. he did such horrible things to me but he's such a good person. he's the only person who's ever truly made me feel like i mattered. i was trying to be better so that i could give him the best life i could, i had to be alive for that, because he deserved it. i guess i wasn't good enough.
i keep trying to ctb but i get so scared of the pain and the possibility of messing up. i tried meds, i tried therapy, (i actually have a session tomorrow,) i got 302'd twice, i've done everything i feel i could. i don't think i was ever made to be good enough for the world as a whole. nothing was made for me. every system that has been out in place to help has failed. everything hurts so much.
i loved him so much. all i wanted was him. he was all i needed. i'm lost, and all he wants to do is forget about me and all of the time we spent together. it hurts so fucking bad. i don't understand how one person can give me the best nine months of my life, and immediately send me into the worst mindset i've been in to date. i wish he would have tried. i wish he would have talked. i wish i wasn't fucked up. i'm so sorry.
i keep trying to ctb but i get so scared of the pain and the possibility of messing up. i tried meds, i tried therapy, (i actually have a session tomorrow,) i got 302'd twice, i've done everything i feel i could. i don't think i was ever made to be good enough for the world as a whole. nothing was made for me. every system that has been out in place to help has failed. everything hurts so much.
i loved him so much. all i wanted was him. he was all i needed. i'm lost, and all he wants to do is forget about me and all of the time we spent together. it hurts so fucking bad. i don't understand how one person can give me the best nine months of my life, and immediately send me into the worst mindset i've been in to date. i wish he would have tried. i wish he would have talked. i wish i wasn't fucked up. i'm so sorry.
