ForMeanGhosts
I Pray To Vengeful Canaries
- Jun 23, 2026
- 15
Everything feels so empty, like I'm in the back of a hot car on a 12 hour trip, and nothing feels worth doing. I bought a Blu-Ray player to watch one of my favorite shows, over the last 2 months every week I tell myself I'll set it up during the weekend and I never do.
I don't really have hobbies or feel strongly about anything, I kinda wish I did but lately I can't even bring myself to play games or watch anything. Even deciding to watch a movie on a weekend feels like a win. I mainly walk aimlessly and smoke alone.
Therapy feels redundant, the person I was seeing seems to have had issues with grasping the concept of stuff being worth doing inherently, and I got more or less kicked out and told to reach back if I'm 'ready to help myself'. The thing I hated most was the inability of logical honesty, just because something might make you feel better -> you should do it, as if there isn't an opportunity cost, and if said cost is unknown it's always assumed you should take the deal anyway. (i.e. Keep living because things might get better, Reach out because you never know, Put in effort because it's better than doing nothing, etc.)
I just really dislike people in general. I never feel like anyone really understands my though process and I feel lonely because of it, even when I have people around me to talk with. Trying to open up usually gets mixed results, I'm 'conventionally successful' so people generally assume my life must be amazing and I shouldn't have much to complain about anyway. This generally leads me to push out everyone, even if I do try to put myself in social situations I just keep thinking how much better off I'd be just not being there.
I sometimes remember when I used to be a kid, going to the movies and watching the trailers was the most exciting part, I used to leave the theater thinking I wanted to watch all the upcoming movies and feeling so excited. Now It drives me insane to not have any activity to pass the time with, if I never had to work again a day in my life I wouldn't know what to do, nothing would change except more free time I'd have nothing to fill with.
I don't really have hobbies or feel strongly about anything, I kinda wish I did but lately I can't even bring myself to play games or watch anything. Even deciding to watch a movie on a weekend feels like a win. I mainly walk aimlessly and smoke alone.
Therapy feels redundant, the person I was seeing seems to have had issues with grasping the concept of stuff being worth doing inherently, and I got more or less kicked out and told to reach back if I'm 'ready to help myself'. The thing I hated most was the inability of logical honesty, just because something might make you feel better -> you should do it, as if there isn't an opportunity cost, and if said cost is unknown it's always assumed you should take the deal anyway. (i.e. Keep living because things might get better, Reach out because you never know, Put in effort because it's better than doing nothing, etc.)
I just really dislike people in general. I never feel like anyone really understands my though process and I feel lonely because of it, even when I have people around me to talk with. Trying to open up usually gets mixed results, I'm 'conventionally successful' so people generally assume my life must be amazing and I shouldn't have much to complain about anyway. This generally leads me to push out everyone, even if I do try to put myself in social situations I just keep thinking how much better off I'd be just not being there.
I sometimes remember when I used to be a kid, going to the movies and watching the trailers was the most exciting part, I used to leave the theater thinking I wanted to watch all the upcoming movies and feeling so excited. Now It drives me insane to not have any activity to pass the time with, if I never had to work again a day in my life I wouldn't know what to do, nothing would change except more free time I'd have nothing to fill with.
