And so we have reached the end

[Placo]

I don't really feel like waiting for the canonical 8 hours of fasting, today is my birthday and I'll have some cake for dinner but then I'd like to do it during the night.

 

[Placo]

I want to kill myself tonight but my stomach is full and with the SN method it is not recommended but I don't want to wait, it's night and I don't know what to do, I'm not sleepy, I just want to die.

 

[Placo]

I'm trying to resist not eating even though I'd like to, but I know that after eating I'd be more suicidal and at the same time doing the SN method would be riskier.

 

[twilightSparriw]

Something went wrong and I'm still here, I'll talk more about it in the other thread.

Let's see if I can attempt again this morning.

It's been a year… lol

 

[Placo]

I took 800mg ibuprofen, 15mg metoclopramide and 30 drops of diazepam, I didn't eat anything obviously.

 

[Placo]

In the end I didn't do it, I took the drugs in vain, I'm waiting for a user's response to see if it's worth doing it together otherwise I'll proceed alone.

 

[Placo]

I am now convinced that all this must end. It is the middle of the night, I was undecided whether to go out and scout the place where I think I will end up, always with the SN method, but in the end I decided to stay home, maybe I will see during the day, also because doing it on Saturday night is risky since there is more movement around, in the night between Sunday and Monday instead there is less movement.

Otherwise I can do it at home but there is my family, I have to evaluate carefully, the idea of dying outside after a life spent mostly staying at home appeals to me anyway. Obviously I would do it at night to be more sure that no one can see me.

 

[Placo]

It's incredible, I had taken everything I needed except SN when I connected to the forum and found a message that I no longer hoped to find, maybe I don't have to die now.

 

[Placo]

I'll do it today, I'm convinced, this thread is almost a year long, maybe it's the longest farewell topic in the history of the forum but this time it will really be over, in the meantime I've also changed method, I don't know whether to continue here or open a new one but I'd say to continue here, a very very long end.

Where I am it's afternoon, I think I'll wait tonight, the hours are long when you're bored, the method is obviously SN, I have to decide whether to take an antacid or not and whether to do it at home or outside, I'm also undecided whether to drink alcohol first to give me courage.

In the past few days I've done an experiment with table salt and I've had various symptoms that you also have with SN, I feel ready, I even managed to drink it even though it was almost undrinkable, as for the taste compared to SN it's similar.

In the meantime I'm trying to find something to watch, I don't feel like playing video games, I need something more passive.

 

[OptingOutSmiling]

You are in my thoughts, may it work out for you as you wish and may you find peace. Whatever happens, we are here. Sending love.

 

[deadbidaylight]

The longer thread means that you've tried hard to stay here and work through your struggles. Don't look at it in shame, look at it in triumph. I'm happy that you've given yourself more chances to try and live. It's commendable.

If you are successful this time, I wish you peace and I hope that things end quickly and painless for you. You deserve that. If things don't work out again and you return to us, we welcome you back with open arms. Nothing but love snd support here.

 

[Placo]

The longer thread means that you've tried hard to stay here and work through your struggles. Don't look at it in shame, look at it in triumph. I'm happy that you've given yourself more chances to try and live. It's commendable.

If you are successful this time, I wish you peace and I hope that things end quickly and painless for you. You deserve that. If things don't work out again and you return to us, we welcome you back with open arms. Nothing but love snd support here.

Yes, I resisted for a long time, we are talking about 13 years, but now I am really tired, maybe I have not tried every drug and therapy in the world but certainly a good part, from the first time I became suicidal in the distant 2012 and the almost attempted hanging, many years have really passed, if I had given up at the time it could be said that maybe I had not fought that much but after 13 years even if I give up I am still proud of myself.

 

[deadbidaylight]

Yes, I resisted for a long time, we are talking about 13 years, but now I am really tired, maybe I have not tried every drug and therapy in the world but certainly a good part, from the first time I became suicidal in the distant 2012 and the almost attempted hanging, many years have really passed, if I had given up at the time it could be said that maybe I had not fought that much but after 13 years even if I give up I am still proud of myself.

As you should be. I get the tiredness. But I'm happy that you're proud of where you've persevered. I wish you nothing but peace, luck and love.

 

[Placo]

A certain drowsiness is coming on, it's getting dark, I don't want to postpone CTB for the umpteenth time, I'll try to rest a bit so maybe I'll wake up in the night and do it.

 

[sweetcreep]

i hope you find peace. if you happen to end up staying longer though, it's ok too. be safe

 

[xoxo24]

A certain drowsiness is coming on, it's getting dark, I don't want to postpone CTB for the umpteenth time, I'll try to rest a bit so maybe I'll wake up in the night and do it.

I just finished reading this whole thread, I'm gonna have you in my thoughts for a couple of years lol, i wish you all the peace in anyway you choose

 

[Placo]

It's about 2 am, I got up a few hours ago but I ate when the protocol requires you to fast but I'm too tired, I don't think I'll do it outside because I feel really tired physically.

Let's see if I can sleep or do I risk doing it on a full stomach, or wait a few more hours.

 

[sweetcreep]

It's about 2 am, I got up a few hours ago but I ate when the protocol requires you to fast but I'm too tired, I don't think I'll do it outside because I feel really tired physically.

Let's see if I can sleep or do I risk doing it on a full stomach, or wait a few more hours.

i do not recommend doing it on a full stomach. if you're set on doing it, wait until your stomach is empty. i believe an eight hour minimum fast is recommended in the protocol. not even liquids should be consumed in that time period. please be safe in everything you do, even if it's dying.

 

[opheliaoveragain]

agree with SC, the fast is important. there's good reason it's in the protocol per the PPH sending hugs

 

[Placo]

I finally gave up, I had the idea of dissolving the SN in the sparkling wine instead of in the water, which ironically the sparkling wine was blue.

But the smell didn't convince me, the sparkling wine was already bitter on its own and with SN it had a taste of bleach, like detergent.

I finally threw it in the sink, luckily I have enough SN to be able to try again 10 more times and change my mind but I'm pretty determined to do it anyway.

This morning I have the house free but for a short time so I think I'll postpone it until the afternoon or tonight, the night should be the safest time but spending another day in boredom will be hard.

 

[Placo]

Okay, it seems that despite massive doses of antidepressants I still don't have the will to live, I'd say it's over.

Maybe I could try a stabilizer but if the antidepressants don't work I highly doubt it can work the miracle.