I'm not sure what is possessing me to finally post on here but here goes.
I'm not sure why I am suicidal, I had 2 attempts when I was in the military. I am diagnosed with major depression through the VA among other things I'm 80%. I have a wife and 3 kids, one I do not talk to because my Ex-wife manipulated our daughter and I chose to walk away rather than continue getting accused of molesting my daughter, I never did and it was never proven, I also had custody for 8 years before I gave up. My current wife if amazing and we have 2 wonderful kids. I just can't seem to enjoy anything, I am just going through the motions of life, I'm 40 years old, a dead-end job, trying to go to school but still after a year haven't figured out what I want to do, I'm just tired. i doubt I will ever actually go through with catching the bus, but it is always on my mind, some days more than others but it's always there, anytime something negative happens it comes back. All in all, it doesn't really seem like I have a bad life, and honestly, I don't, my wife and kids love me, and I've got most of the things I want or need, not all but enough. It just keeps circling back and I'm just tired.
This post has no real direction but I'm just in a mood and decided to finally put some of it into words. Sorry for the word salad but thanks for reading. There's a lot more but I'm tired and didn't give all the context.
I'm not sure why I am suicidal, I had 2 attempts when I was in the military. I am diagnosed with major depression through the VA among other things I'm 80%. I have a wife and 3 kids, one I do not talk to because my Ex-wife manipulated our daughter and I chose to walk away rather than continue getting accused of molesting my daughter, I never did and it was never proven, I also had custody for 8 years before I gave up. My current wife if amazing and we have 2 wonderful kids. I just can't seem to enjoy anything, I am just going through the motions of life, I'm 40 years old, a dead-end job, trying to go to school but still after a year haven't figured out what I want to do, I'm just tired. i doubt I will ever actually go through with catching the bus, but it is always on my mind, some days more than others but it's always there, anytime something negative happens it comes back. All in all, it doesn't really seem like I have a bad life, and honestly, I don't, my wife and kids love me, and I've got most of the things I want or need, not all but enough. It just keeps circling back and I'm just tired.
This post has no real direction but I'm just in a mood and decided to finally put some of it into words. Sorry for the word salad but thanks for reading. There's a lot more but I'm tired and didn't give all the context.
