An audience for the final moments

[voyager]

I just want to say the Biebers are on this thread right now watching your ever move please be careful. View attachment 59130

What a bunch of assholes. As if anyone kills themselves for an audience they will never witness. Destroy their entire existence and everything they are just to be mocked by these shitheads.

 

[TessB]

What a bunch of assholes. As if anyone kills themselves for an audience they will never witness. Destroy their entire existence and everything they are just to be mocked by these shitheads.

The thing I found upsetting as well is the comments following the post.. as they say nothing about the kindness and care shown by ss members following a thread like this one, they try to make all members seem evil. It's so wrong :-(

 

[Futile]

I fear this forum will turn into utter chaos with you gone, but of course your decision is far more important. Good luck with everything

 

[Ber0]

I've only been here a short amount of time and I hate to be the next person that adds onto the list of "you matter/I care" cause I know how cliché it can sometimes sound, but if it's come to this, I'd forever regret not saying something. I can seriously tell that you're a valued part of this community, and obviously many others feel the same way. I've never interacted with or met you directly but when I first joined, I read through a lot of the mega threads and suggestion areas and I saw a lot of your comments, out of all the people they stood out to me, they were down to earth and some of what you said and your view of some of the topics really stuck with me, you have great insight and a realistic view of things, at least IMO. So if this day comes sooner than later, although I don't know you personally, I'll definitely miss your posts and presence. As for an open broadcast, many people have already echoed that it could be uploaded to a shock site or something, it's also extremely hard to verify that no one with malicious intent joins if you do an open invite. I'd suggest doing PMs with people you know and fully trust, perhaps friends or other mods here, or maybe if there's anyone at all IRL that you'd like to be with. However, If you were planning on doing a large invite or something for this specific community in general for people to be with you or anyone that wants to say goodbye, I still suggest PMs but obviously on a larger scale. People could request to go and you could deny/approve. The way I would do it is, I'd suggest doing nametag verification + passcode for each person, either technically or in text, Example: User "ExampleAccount3": PW = 386 , User "ExampleAccount4" = 5678 and so on. So PM people that you are ok with joining with their assigned PW. Example Cont.: When they join, you find their username, go to PM (In the app of your choice), and ask them what their assigned PW was. In my mind, I think this would work well with an app like Discord or something similar. You'd be able to kick anyone who wasn't verified or something from whichever medium of choice, as well as make sure that the person you invited is 100% the person that showed up. This method relies on you selecting people through PMs and assigning a PW to each username and keeping track. You could make a list yourself or I'm sure a friend or fellow mod would help. Control + F can reduce the work needed during verification as well. This method is basically just a way of ensuring that the person you talked to is the person who showed up. Very high effort, and you might not care about it that much, but basically say you trust "ExampleUser3", but not "ExampleUser4", this makes it so "User4" can't pretend to be "User3", by joining and going, "Oh hey yeah it's me "ExampleUser3" we talked on SS". Anyways, I know it's a bit tedious, but that's my idea. The flaw with this method is that if you invite anyone you don't 100% trust, the verification will work 100% but you won't be able to know the intent of that user. Some apps allow you to lock the room or disable the invite as well. And for specifically as to "how did they do it", any medium would most likely work as long as it's not actively monitored, for instance anyone who attempts to livestream on FB Live can get it taken down or stopped. Skype, Discord, Zoom, Google Video formats*, (such as hangouts or Duo* [Not sure about those two though]), or just a simple phone call should* be ok. Personally, I'd say Discord due to the controlled environment of which you could set up, people could also help you set it up. Or obviously, since that's all a little high effort, easiest thing to do would be to only keep it to people you 100% trust in the first place, keep it to a very small group of people and send them invites directly here through PMs to whichever medium of choice, like a Discord server or Zoom meeting, you can create direct links to those, downside is you wouldn't be able to allow as many people to join who simply want to say goodbye or be there with you who you might not know, since as you said you're not sure who would want to be there with you. Hopefully what I said makes sense.

So my ideas in summary

-Idea 1: Verification list, think of it like when bouncers do checks at clubs, but you'd be matching the name with the assigned PW. (This method has flaws but can somewhat help with having a larger amount of people [IMO])
-Idea 2: Very small group of people using direct links. Straight to the point, the user you want gets the invite here through PMs, and joins by clicking the link. (Almost no flaws unless you send it to the wrong person here, which would be hard to do)
-Idea 3: Or maybe all of that is a little too much and you'd rather just make a general post and say "hey anyone that wants can join, here's a link". (The issues there are obviously the people with malicious intent and there'd be 0 filter as to who joins.)
-Potential Apps: Discord, Skype, Zoom, Duo, Hangouts, (I'm skeptical about those last 2 just so you know), or simply just a normal phone call. And obviously there are other apps I didn't list, these are just common ones/examples.

Again, sorry to hear that it's gotten to this point but I truly wish you the best, no matter what that may be for you.

 

[Panna]

Weve never really interacted, but I don't dislike you, I have enjoyed seeing many of your posts, if it would help you, I don't mind joining in to try and help you feel more comfortable, i'm sorry you're feeling like this.

 

[Life sucks]

Rainy. I'll always love you. I'll miss you dear. I was always happy to see you around here.

I wish you peace dear rain. You will always be in my heart

Thank you for everything my dear and beautiful rainy

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

I'm sorry to hear you are choosing to leave us. Please be careful just advertising this to strangers. Most people who chose to do this usually ask people they think they know and trust. People they have formed relationships/friendships with on here after a significant amount of time talking with them. I would always question those who would chose to watch someone CTB. Very concerning. Probably one of the things I'm strongly against that goes on here.

You are opening yourself up to predators and suicide fetishists doing this. I strongly advise you don't do this. You will potentially be exploited and recorded doing this.

Totally agreed. I really cannot understand people who watch stream after stream. Seems like fetishism to me.

 

[Makko]

Totally agreed. I really cannot understand people who watch stream after stream. Seems like fetishism to me.

Sort of hard to get around. I doubt it would be possible to get an audience of totally zen people who would watch someone kill themselves with nothing but pure and chaste mindfulness. Suicide is, after all, a very intimate act. If you really don't want to do it alone, that must be accepted.

 

[Sakura94]

You honestly read beyond lonely. Is there no chance of you finding anyone that could help you give another shot at things?

 

[WornOutLife]

Hey! How are you?
I know some people ctb by doing a livestream on platforms like TWITCH but they only said the links privately to specific members.
You could do something like that! I would gladly be with you during your last moments!

 

[it's_all_a_game]

Biebers, go away! Harassing members here won't bring your daughter back.

 

[Abir_london]

I just want to say the Biebers are on this thread right now watching your ever move please be careful. View attachment 59130

Well jakie

I wanna die because I lost everything and no one is willing to help me

are you? Are you going to give me home? Job? Cure my depression

no?

then fuck off you hypocrite

Biebers, go away! Harassing members here won't bring your daughter back.

Who is she ?

 

[Brackenshire]

@RainAndSadness
Dear Rain,
I do not post much, not my need. I do want you to know that i respect you. Your post are insightful, kind and informative. Please know that i love you and you have immense value in my eyes. I extend my hand in friendship. Will allways be willing to listen. This forum is blessed with some very kind and supportive members. Your decision will be supported either way.

 

[Antigonish]

Hello.

I don't want to be alone in my final moments when I ctb. I know other members had an audience that either watched them on stream or talked to them in a call. How did they do that? So far I'm not sure who would be interested in being there in my final moments when I ctb. Nobody really likes me but I don't want to ctb alone. I don't want to feel lonely in these final moments. I was lonely my entire life and I'd like to have some company when I leave this world behind.

Thanks.

I like you. You're a bundle of joy. But unfortunately I cant help. Or more of I refuse to. It'd be too much.

 

[Kat!]

Oh awesome, hi mom I'm on camera!

 

[RainAndSadness]

Hello everyone. Sorry for the late response. I didn't expect to get so much feedback and I was blown away by all these answers. I want to address all of you properly and give an appropriate response, considering the pro-life crowd is watching. I didn't anticipate that much engagement with my thread and I kinda expected this thread to disappear in the nirvana of the forum within 2 hours instead but well... I was wrong. I'm stunned, in a positive way. First of all, thanks for all the kind responses. I really appreciate all the support and some of the advice you gave regarding my fear of dying alone.

I'll get to the specifics in a second but I think I'll address the most important issue first: Fixthe26 and Jackie:
I'm a consenting and autonomous adult suffering from severe mental and physical pain. I don't consider my life a worthwhile experience. There is no joy in being alive. My life is filled with agony and pain and I have simply no desire to continue my life. And it's none of your business if I decide to exercise my right to die as a result of my unbearable suffering. That's a deeply personal decision and there is literally nothing you can do about this. You also don't know my story, so your judgement doesn't affect me in any way. There goes your whole victim narrative, out the window.

Regarding the issue of live-streaming my exit - yes, unfortunately my title says I'm looking for an 'audience', which sounds morbid in this particular context. I understand that. I stand behind my thread nonetheless but I do regret using these words because it seems to give the wrong impression to some of the people that are monitoring us. This was very unfortunate wording on my part, I admit that. I was in a very bad state of mind when I posted this thread and therefore didn't spend much time on accurate phrasing. Obviously, it's not about an audience per se. I simply don't want to die alone. I clearly specified that later in my thread and considering I've been lonely my entire life this should be a relatable concern to people that have the slightest empathy left
But this behavior is a prime-example of the shady strategy of people like Jackie or Kelli that monitor us so passionately. They take small snippets - in this case the title of my thread - out of context, regardless of intention and actual meaning and present them in a very bad-faith, misrepresenting and outright damaging way. As explained in my thread, I was talking about support for my final moments with the intention to desperately escape the suffocating loneliness and silence that's been there my entire life. And you interpret it as me trying to create shock material to lure people into suicide, based on an unfortunately picked title. If you knew about my activity in this forum you'd know that this couldn't be further from the truth. But your efforts to invalidate my desire to leave only strengthens my motivation and desire to fight for the right to die - not just for myself, but for every human on this planet. Deal with it.

I'd have a lot of material to expose both Kelli and Jackie as frauds, as hypocrites and repulsive members of society that don't give a shit about suicidal people. I talked about this a lot in the past. They have attacked suicidal people in very nasty ways and slandered the whole community as malicious predators - literally. I could counter their simple-minded narrative with all the screenshots that prove their malicious intent and their outright bullying of struggling people in this community. But then again, those people are irrelevant and my efforts are better invested in this amazing community and my activism for the right to die. I know you're reading this, so let me address just one thing, until both of you drop back into the irrelevance you came from: anger doesn't heal. Think about it for a few seconds before you spend so much time on this forum the next time, hiding in the shadows of this forum and preying on vulnerable people that simply want to escape their pain. You're disgusting.

And sorry, I had to address this issue first because their constant stalking appears predatory and I'm concerned about their literal obsession with this forum. Very unhealthy coping mechanisms in my opinion, both of you. Now, to the responses in this thread:

I don't know where you get the idea nobody likes you. You need to come party with us more

As for your question I can't help much. I would be happy to do so, but can't since kids in the house. I assume people use any video networking apps. I hope you're able to find the company you desire. You're more valued than you realize.

You're right, I should crash the party more often. But I lack the energy to be social at times and sometimes I'm busy drowning in my own misery, to be honest. If I had the mental capacity, I'd be a lot more active in this forum, that's for sure.

And don't worry, I totally understand that - family comes first. And if people simply don't want to deal with the emotional baggage of leaving members, I understand that as well. I experienced the departure of some friends in the past and it's a painful experience. It's tough, so no hard feelings there. Your own sanity and mental health has priority, always.

I'm sorry to hear you are choosing to leave us. Please be careful just advertising this to strangers. Most people who chose to do this usually ask people they think they know and trust. People they have formed relationships/friendships with on here after a significant amount of time talking with them. I would always question those who would chose to watch someone CTB. Very concerning. Probably one of the things I'm strongly against that goes on here.

You are opening yourself up to predators and suicide fetishists doing this. I strongly advise you don't do this. You will potentially be exploited and recorded doing this.

Don't worry, I would be careful and only pick trustworthy people if I actually decide to do this via stream or call.

Regarding predators and fetishists, I doubt we have many of them in this forum. This is a narrative that's been mostly created by groups like FT26 and we shouldn't validate these talking points. But of course you're right, it's a legit concern in the sense that we have 17'000 members so it's likely that there is a tiny(!) little fraction of people that might get a kick out of this - and I'm gonna be careful when I plan my exit, as explained above. But these people are absolutely rare and I've been a member in this community for a long time, so I know how to deal with this risk and protect myself.

I have to be honest though, I don't really care about the potential outcome of a potential stream and I can assure you I'm immune to any kind exploitation. Why? That's very simple - I'm a nobody in real life. My death isn't gonna summon another Jackie Bieber that's there to rage war against this forum. Nobody knows me in real life. I have no job. I have no friends and no family. The overwhelming majority of people that ever had something to do with me don't even know I transitioned into a woman. If my current name ever appeared in a newspaper, nobody would know this is even me - but this probably isn't gonna happen either because the media very rarely picks up suicides in my place and if they do, they keep the identity of victims private. So, considering my social situation, I'm already dead, in a sense. Most of the people I went to school with probably don't even remember my name anymore. And if I died, nobody would really notice. So what would happen if somebody was to record my exit? It's footage of a nobody drinking N and slowly passing away on a bed. Not very interesting and not graphic either, right? No matter how you spin it, my death is probably gonna be the most irrelevant thing that could happen in 2021. I hope I successfully addressed some of your concerns regarding potential consequences of a potential live-stream.

I like you.

Thanks, I'm glad to hear that.

I totally agree with everything @Emily_Numb said. Maybe someone you've chatted to could speak to you over the phone, so you're not alone? Hugs x

Hugs! I guess a call is a more secure and comfortable option and I'll definitely keep that in mind. And it's certainly not as risky, regarding LE involvement - but I'll get to this point later.

@RainAndSadness It is really heartbreaking to me to see our society making life horrible and impossible for more lgbt family... Do you want to talk about it?

Thanks. It's true, struggles related to being transgender contribute a lot to my suffering but there is more behind my story than LGBT-related issues. Certainly gender dysphoria and social discrimination is bad and this alone would be a valid reason to ctb in my opinion but I'm struggling with some other severe mental and physical conditions that cause mayhem in my mind and body. For example, I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis last year, which was extremely disappointing and it's a painful condition that slowly destroys my body. This diagnosis was kinda the last nail in my coffin because it added constant physical pain on top of all my mental struggles, coming from BPD, depression, dysthmia, social anxiety and much more. And it's the combination of all of those conditions that add so much to my suffering. It's just too much and there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I'm done with this nonsense, constantly swimming against the drain but there is no reward. My life is just a never-ending nightmare and it only gets worse, no matter how hard I try. How is that in any way a perspective for a decent life? I don't just want to survive for the sake of surviving. I want to live an actual decent life but that's unrealistic and I'd even go so far and declare it as outright impossible.

Sorry for the rant... anyway, I've documented all my struggles that contribute to my suicide ideation in the last 2.5 years in this forum and I'd need to create an entirely different thread if I wanted to go into details about all of them. I didn't even mention my social situation like severe loneliness or poverty.

You have been on this forum longer than me and I always loved reading your posts. Modding this forum with you has been an honor. I am really sorry it has come to thing for you. I hope you find the peace you have long deserved.

Thank you a lot! Peace sounds good. I hope you'll find the same, whatever that entails for you. I also enjoyed moderating the forum with you. But I'm not resigning yet - as long as I'm alive I can still moderate, I think...

as the Biebers ref this topic on twitter
rest assured we're never really alone v,v

The screenshots were taken one hour after I posted my thread. They're creeping on the forum 24/7, that's for sure. And that's really fucking sad, seriously... imagine being devoured and swallowed by something that causes so much grief and pain, you're basically traumatizing yourself over and over again. As long as they can't close this chapter in their life and move on, they'll never find peace. They need to stop getting invested in this toxic warfare against a vulnerable and innocent community, that had nothing to do with the passing of their daughter - which was 25 years old by the way and capable of making her own decisions. Her visiting this website over and over again is essentially some kind of mental self-harm in my opinion. And Jackie has been in this meaningless hate campaign against SS for 1.5(!) years - without success. It simply hasn't led anywhere and I'm confident SS will remain for a long time. And it seems like Chip, her husband, is actually supporting her malicious warfare against suicidal people, considering his social media activity. They're both lost. I'm sure Shawn would want them to move on, it's obviously not healthy. I know it's a defense mechanism because SS serves as some kind of scapegoat, it allows them to transfer responsibility which they had as parents into this forum and apparently, that's how they cope. Tragic.

And this is precisely the reason why livestreaming is a bad idea :(

I agree it imposes risks but then again, if we acknowledge the right to die, we should also acknowledge the circumstances which an individual chooses for their own final moments. This is a very personal matter and I think sharing this final moment with others is completely valid if it involves with consenting adults. And if someone wants to stream their exit to a handful of people, let's say for educational purposes, that's up to them. It's their right.

Obviously, and at this point, I have to clarify this for the pro-life crowd - streams don't happen on this website. They're organized and done externally. They're not a feature of this forum so you can stop spreading this nefarious lie now.

My heart sank seeing your name attached to this thread. You seem like a very kind person, and I'm sorry that life is driving you to this. And I'm sorry that you feel so alone. But I don't think you should openly stream your ctb...people are weird, and I would hate for it to end up recorded and uploaded to a website for the morbidly curious to watch forever. Why not a phone call with someone you trust?

Thank you very much, I appreciate the kind words. As previously expressed, I don't care particular much what happens once I died. I've lived my whole life as another person, in the wrong body. and I had to face social and legal discrimination as a result of that. I've been misgendered my whole life, attacked, bullied and shunned for being trans. What could possibly be more humiliating than being trans? A footage of my exit? That's really none of my concerns and compared to my daily struggle, it actually seems rather insignificant. I wouldn't even be alive to face the 'humiliation' that comes with that. But I value your input and I might consider a call with a few trustworthy people instead. This depends on a few decisions I'll make in the near future regarding the circumstances of my exit.

You do not have to be alone. I would be there for you. I do not know how though?

Thanks. I appreciate it. I'm still figuring things out, I'll let you know once I know more.

I'm sorry to hear this Rain, and I definitely think you are liked and respected here.

Thanks for the reassurance, I appreciate that! I don't know, it's very hard for me to accept this kind of validation, generally. Not sure if the bullying in my childhood, that ruined my self-confidence permanently, if it's my BPD that's clouding my judgement or if I'm simply socially awkward.I have no clue but I don't think very positive of myself, which is why I'm assuming that others dislike me as well.

Please don't do this! Sickos will watch your death on disturbing sites.

Thanks for your feedback but trust me, my death would be anything but entertaining. As previously explained, I picked the least graphic method available and such stream would obviously only be accessible to a small group of trustworthy people. That stream would contain an individual drinking a substance, falling asleep on a bed, in a dress and passing away, probably without much noise. I would slowly stop breathing, that's it.

I don't have any useful answers to your questions, but I want you to know that I value you and your presence on the forum. I'm saddened that life has been so cruel to you and pushed you to the point of having to make the decision to go. I just hope you realize that you are liked and valued here

Thank you very much.
I'm glad people enjoy my presence here in this forum. I'm grateful for the validation. I'm happy I could contribute something to this amazing community, that's the least I could do after all the amazing support and compassion I've received in this place for such a long time. This forum did more in terms of actual support and validation than any other community out there and this means a lot to me.

And yeah, life hasn't been easy and I'm still struggling with the physical pain of the rheumatoid arthritis. I started my treatment almost 3 months ago and there has been very little improvement. For example, I didn't take any pain meds last night and I woke up with strong pain in my hands, knees and feet today, at least a 7/10 in terms of pain level. I guess it will take some time until my treatment for this conditions shows some results and maybe I need to in crease the medication but this also involves some serious unpleasant side effects. Either way, it sucks. And then there are the crippling mental struggles on top of that, no thanks.

I'm also planning to broadcast my CTB with SN to some people for scientific purposes. But yeah, only chose people you trust, there are some sickos out there who love to watch people die and some sneaky bastard might record your CTB and upload it for the entire internet to see, so chose your audience carefully. I don't know what software people use to broadcast these days, but back in the days we used skype or google hangouts, maybe stuff like Discord has feature like this as well?

Thanks for your input. I'm glad to hear your perspective as someone who has similar plans regarding their exit. You're right, Skype and Discord seem to be a decent options for such activities because there is no record of the live-stream and in the case of Discord, you can delete pretty much anything if it happens on a server, so these are the safest options in my opinion.

Hey Rain. I appreciate the work you put as a mod and I appreciate your visit to the chat from time to time. It'll be my honour to be with you leading up to your final moments. Please PM me for date and time.

Thank you!
I'll do that, once I know more about the specifics.

If i were you i would do a conference call. I wouldn't do a video. Unless you were trying to end up on a website or a news channel.

I understand that concern and I'll take it seriously. As I said, maybe it will just be a call, considering so many people advised against a stream.

Most NEWS outlets do not report suicide out of respect for the family and to not cause copycats.

So unless you're going with a bang, it won't happen thankfully.

It's possible you may end up on a shock site though, and that's not something nice to have happen.

Yes and nobody wants to advertise N as the most reliable, peaceful method either - so you're right, nobody would pick up my suicide. And no, I don't intend to go out with a bang, I'm just tired of existing and that's why I want to leave - if possible, without the crushing loneliness that's been there my entire life.

Aww rainy , I m in this with you and i always had a big crush on you <3

Aww, you're sweet! Thanks.

I would be happy to be there with you.

I appreciate that!

Like the others say, its possible for you to get taken advantage of.

I hope you take caution with picking the people you want to accompany you, dear. You never know those who'll only reach out cause we're vulnerable. Maybe only choose the ones you're familiar with.

Although i get why you want someone to talk to.. sometimes I wish i have one too once I end it. I' m not good with talking, so I dont think I'm eligible so to speak.

but I do wish you the best. Just please be careful. Sending hugs.

Thanks! Hugs back!
And yeah, don't worry, I'll be careful if I decide to go through with these plans.

For the record, you don't have to ctb if it doesn't sit right with you.
I know for some people including myself things can be hard and I understand both ends of the struggles.

As for your perception "no one likes me",
I probably haven't interacted much with you but I do like you.

Of course, I'm aware that doing the final act is very difficult and I wouldn't force myself through this process. I tried to ctb back in 2019 but failed miserably due to SI and poor execution. I accepted this experience and it's why I didn't attempt since this happened.
And thank you very much, I appreciate that.

Hey Rain,

First of all I'm really sorry it's coming to this.
I read about some of your struggles and it's heart-breaking how many different there are.

I admired some of your very well-written responses and knowledge advice. You seem like such a thoughtful and kind person and I doubt that people "hate" you here.
There might have been misunderstandings or different opinions but thats it.
I think that a lot of people really appreciate you and as you can see from the responses you get here - feel for you.

That being said - I agree with @MindFog.
I hope you're cautious and only PM those you know very well already to set up a private discord or maybe phone call.
Please don't let your vulnerability taken advantage of.

Sending you online hugs! <3

Thank you for the support. Hugs back to you!

I value these kind words and I'm glad you like my posts. It's very important for me to contribute to this community and my whole activity in this forum is based around that goal. It's why I wouldn't mind streaming my exit for educational purposes either if it would add to the knowledge of this community about methods. I don't think there has ever been any kind of documentation about exits with N, right?
And don't worry, I'm gonna be careful when setting up a stream or call. These pro-lifers already announced that they would try to sneak into the call or stream or whatever but I'm very confident that I'm actually smarter than them...

Why wouldn't we like the big boss of SS ! I'm not sure it is a goodbye thread, but if it is, I wish you find peace, you deserve it.
I'm not ready for the live, I'm sorry. I hope you find strong and compassionate people who can help you for that.

Don't worry, it's not a goodbye thread and I don't have a specific date yet. But I'm planning my exit and evaluating options at this point. Regarding the live-stream - don't apologize, I totally understand that. And thank you!

I don't know where you get the idea nobody likes you, I've always seen loads of people who do. Just look at all the responses.

Yeah, you're right. The support in this community is indeed overwhelming and I'm grateful for all the lovely comments in this thread. I really appreciate it. But it's hurt even more to see all the nasty comments from the pro-life crowd, why can't they see that this is a community that sticks together, that's there so support each other? It's mind-boggling.

I just want to say the Biebers are on this thread right now watching your ever move please be careful. View attachment 59130

Yeah, these people are annoying. Here are some of the responses to her post. As you can see, they're trying to sabotage this community from within, trying to infiltrate this forum with 'mole accounts'. They don't even deny it anymore. And they're also trying to stop autonomous adults from making deeply personal decisions - such as exercising their right to die, aka taking their own life. That's kinda disgusting, but what do I know? They believe they get to decide who is allowed to die and live but that's not how it works. I'm not sure if their threats are to be taken seriously but they don't concern me in any way. Jaime, listen... a call would never happen with my real phone number and I'm aware how to protect my privacy. I've been in the internet for a while, you know... You won't be able to trace me back, sorry.



And this is a very delicious comment, written by the person that's in charge of Fixthe26... so Kelli is angry that I'm still alive -interesting, I guess? I actually planned to leave back in 2018 just in case you didn't know but I don't take your suicide encouragement personally... still, odd thing to say for someone who is apparently against suicide though.



These people are obviously trying to scare us away from the forum, that's why they're taking screenshots and making them public on social media. They're trying to make us feel exposed. FixThe26 has become aware of my existence and took several screenshots of my right to die activism in this forum and put them on Twitter. First of all, it's a good thing they're finally focusing on me because I'm basically invincible to their attacks, unlike other people that feel sincerely bothered by their attention. They can't harm me in any way and they know that - well, maybe they don't, who knows.

Also, them spreading my arguments in favor of the right to die is a good thing. It gives my arguments a platform and a larger audience. Thanks for spreading the word, Kelli!

What a bunch of assholes. As if anyone kills themselves for an audience they will never witness. Destroy their entire existence and everything they are just to be mocked by these shitheads.

Yeah, these people are reckless. They're busy taking screenshots and seem to forget that every single one of us is hurting. We're suffering. We're in pain. And we just want it to end. These people don't like that and instead of showing just a tiny little bit of empathy, they attack, smear and slander us constantly. But as I said in the past, there is no reason to worry about these people. It's a bunch of bunch of angry housewives that use cheap scare tactics to force us into submission. That's it. That's all they are, a bunch of bullies.

The thing I found upsetting as well is the comments following the post.. as they say nothing about the kindness and care shown by ss members following a thread like this one, they try to make all members seem evil. It's so wrong :-(

It just proves that these people lack any kind of decency. As I explained previously, they're driven by anger and hate, not by compassion and empathy for our struggles They don't really care about us. It's been proven over and over again by the horrible insults they've been throwing at us for almost 2 years. They don't realize we're victims of our own circumstances, suffering from unbearable pain and therefore suicidal. That's the whole magic behind SS. But they literally believe that we all have bad intentions and get a kick out of people dying. They portray us as some kind of evil and nasty cult. It's just a bad-faith attempt to take down the only place which allows us to openly talk about our struggles and pain. These people are cruel, no doubt.

I fear this forum will turn into utter chaos with you gone, but of course your decision is far more important. Good luck with everything

Thank you, I really appreciate that and I'm glad you value my presence in this forum! But I'm sure this forum will continue to exist, with or without me. In the end, it's just another crossed name, nothing else.

I've only been here a short amount of time and I hate to be the next person that adds onto the list of "you matter/I care" cause I know how cliché it can sometimes sound, but if it's come to this, I'd forever regret not saying something. I can seriously tell that you're a valued part of this community, and obviously many others feel the same way. I've never interacted with or met you directly but when I first joined, I read through a lot of the mega threads and suggestion areas and I saw a lot of your comments, out of all the people they stood out to me, they were down to earth and some of what you said and your view of some of the topics really stuck with me, you have great insight and a realistic view of things, at least IMO. So if this day comes sooner than later, although I don't know you personally, I'll definitely miss your posts and presence. As for an open broadcast, many people have already echoed that it could be uploaded to a shock site or something, it's also extremely hard to verify that no one with malicious intent joins if you do an open invite. I'd suggest doing PMs with people you know and fully trust, perhaps friends or other mods here, or maybe if there's anyone at all IRL that you'd like to be with. However, If you were planning on doing a large invite or something for this specific community in general for people to be with you or anyone that wants to say goodbye, I still suggest PMs but obviously on a larger scale. People could request to go and you could deny/approve. The way I would do it is, I'd suggest doing nametag verification + passcode for each person, either technically or in text, Example: User "ExampleAccount3": PW = 386 , User "ExampleAccount4" = 5678 and so on. So PM people that you are ok with joining with their assigned PW. Example Cont.: When they join, you find their username, go to PM (In the app of your choice), and ask them what their assigned PW was. In my mind, I think this would work well with an app like Discord or something similar. You'd be able to kick anyone who wasn't verified or something from whichever medium of choice, as well as make sure that the person you invited is 100% the person that showed up. This method relies on you selecting people through PMs and assigning a PW to each username and keeping track. You could make a list yourself or I'm sure a friend or fellow mod would help. Control + F can reduce the work needed during verification as well. This method is basically just a way of ensuring that the person you talked to is the person who showed up. Very high effort, and you might not care about it that much, but basically say you trust "ExampleUser3", but not "ExampleUser4", this makes it so "User4" can't pretend to be "User3", by joining and going, "Oh hey yeah it's me "ExampleUser3" we talked on SS". Anyways, I know it's a bit tedious, but that's my idea. The flaw with this method is that if you invite anyone you don't 100% trust, the verification will work 100% but you won't be able to know the intent of that user. Some apps allow you to lock the room or disable the invite as well. And for specifically as to "how did they do it", any medium would most likely work as long as it's not actively monitored, for instance anyone who attempts to livestream on FB Live can get it taken down or stopped. Skype, Discord, Zoom, Google Video formats*, (such as hangouts or Duo* [Not sure about those two though]), or just a simple phone call should* be ok. Personally, I'd say Discord due to the controlled environment of which you could set up, people could also help you set it up. Or obviously, since that's all a little high effort, easiest thing to do would be to only keep it to people you 100% trust in the first place, keep it to a very small group of people and send them invites directly here through PMs to whichever medium of choice, like a Discord server or Zoom meeting, you can create direct links to those, downside is you wouldn't be able to allow as many people to join who simply want to say goodbye or be there with you who you might not know, since as you said you're not sure who would want to be there with you. Hopefully what I said makes sense.

So my ideas in summary

-Idea 1: Verification list, think of it like when bouncers do checks at clubs, but you'd be matching the name with the assigned PW. (This method has flaws but can somewhat help with having a larger amount of people [IMO])
-Idea 2: Very small group of people using direct links. Straight to the point, the user you want gets the invite here through PMs, and joins by clicking the link. (Almost no flaws unless you send it to the wrong person here, which would be hard to do)
-Idea 3: Or maybe all of that is a little too much and you'd rather just make a general post and say "hey anyone that wants can join, here's a link". (The issues there are obviously the people with malicious intent and there'd be 0 filter as to who joins.)
-Potential Apps: Discord, Skype, Zoom, Duo, Hangouts, (I'm skeptical about those last 2 just so you know), or simply just a normal phone call. And obviously there are other apps I didn't list, these are just common ones/examples.

Again, sorry to hear that it's gotten to this point but I truly wish you the best, no matter what that may be for you.

Thanks for all the suggestions, they are very helpful. I agree with you that Discord seems to be the best option for such matters, considering you can pretty much control everything and also delete the whole thing afterward.

I also wish you the best for the future!

Weve never really interacted, but I don't dislike you, I have enjoyed seeing many of your posts, if it would help you, I don't mind joining in to try and help you feel more comfortable, i'm sorry you're feeling like this.

Thank you very much! I appreciate that. I'll let you know once I know more.

Rainy. I'll always love you. I'll miss you dear. I was always happy to see you around here.

I wish you peace dear rain. You will always be in my heart

Thank you for everything my dear and beautiful rainy

Thank you, I appreciate that!

You honestly read beyond lonely. Is there no chance of you finding anyone that could help you give another shot at things?

I doubt it, I'm suffering a lot and my condition is only getting worse. I mean, there are things that could maybe prolong this experience for a bit. I was supposed to undergo surgery back in December but it was delayed due to COVID. It's a facial feminization surgery and it's scheduled for the end of March instead. That's the only thing that could maybe make a difference but then again, this is almost 2 months from now and it only affects my gender dysphoria. All other struggles contributing to my suicide ideation would still remain, so that's not really a great outlook for the future. Thanks for the concerns though!

Hey! How are you?
I know some people ctb by doing a livestream on platforms like TWITCH but they only said the links privately to specific members.
You could do something like that! I would gladly be with you during your last moments!

Hey there, terrible as usual, what about you?
I appreciate the suggestion, I'll check it out. I didn't know you can stream privately on that platform. And thank you a lot! I'll message you once I know more.

Biebers, go away! Harassing members here won't bring your daughter back.

You're right. But these people don't understand that. They live in denial. They need to blame us, it's a defense mechanism. They need this forum as a scapegoat because they can't accept that their daughter is gone and we had nothing to do with that tragedy. They're shifting the blame on us because the truth would crush them. If you read through all the news articles about Shawn, if you read her story, what she was going through, about her struggles, you'll understand that she was suffering for many years from various mental health conditions until she finally left. She was fed up, tired of her struggles - that's quite obvious. And none of the treatment worked, which is evident in her suicide. So the idea that we, somehow, are responsible for this, is mind-boggling. It doesn't make sense. Jackie likes to pretend that we made her register but that's not true. She came to us, she registered on her own accord, after she made the conscious decision to ctb. This was her decision, as an autonomous being. For some reason, that's not talked about at all.

Well jakie

I wanna die because I lost everything and no one is willing to help me

are you? Are you going to give me home? Job? Cure my depression

no?

then fuck off you hypocrite

Who is she ?

She isn't gonna help you. I wrote FixThe26 aka Kelli a message a while ago, explaining my struggles in a very detailed manner. She basically told me to fuck off. She doesn't care about us. She only cares about revenge. Same for Jackie. She called us very nasty things in the past. It would be easy to expose her as a repulsive human being considering her statements about this community in the past but I think she has enough problems in her life already. Don't worry about these people. They yell and whine on social media all day but they're not an actual threat in my opinion. There is nothing they can do about the existence of this forum.

@RainAndSadness
Dear Rain,
I do not post much, not my need. I do want you to know that i respect you. Your post are insightful, kind and informative. Please know that i love you and you have immense value in my eyes. I extend my hand in friendship. Will allways be willing to listen. This forum is blessed with some very kind and supportive members. Your decision will be supported either way.

Hey there! I appreciate your kind words. I'm glad my posts mean something to you, I usually invest a lot of time and effort into them and I'm happy my presence in this place makes a difference for you. I'm grateful to hear that! Thank you very much. Of course, I'd like to be your friend! And you're right, this is a very supportive and compassionate community and I'm very thankful for that. I appreciate every single member here.

I like you. You're a bundle of joy. But unfortunately I cant help. Or more of I refuse to. It'd be too much.

Thank you, I'm glad to hear that! I completely understand and I respect your decision though, no worries!



Alright, after spending so much time on this post, I need to sleep. It's literally been HOURS. Thanks for all the posts, I appreciate the overwhelming support in this thread, the constructive feedback and all the kind words directed towards me. This helped a lot. I hope I could address everyone properly, it's very important for me to respond to all the comments made in this thread. I'll see you around, probably in a few hours after I got some sleep. This is probably the longest post I've ever made.

RainAndSadness! ~

 

[Kat!]

Thank you for the response Rain, I wish you the best of luck in your goals, and thank you for this incredible amount of information and regards to us all. Love you a lot.

 

[watereyes]

Hi Rain,
before you go I'd just like to say I like you and I'm sad I was never interesting enough for you to have an actual conversation. Also I dont understand why you tend to say noone likes you, I just dont find this accurate at all. Just had to get this off my chest.
bye~

 

[TessB]

Thank you so much for your beautifully written reply You are so right with all you've said about Jackie/ #fixthe26, in fact I don't remember anyone phrasing it as perfectly as you have before. Its actually shocking to me how much hatred I see on her fb directed towards vulnerable suicidal people on this forum. I feel they are fuelled way more by anger and bitterness than concern, and forget that their own daughter was a member here, supporting the ethics of the forum.
Sending all my love to you @RainAndSadness xxx

 

[DecidedMnl]

I just want to say the Biebers are on this thread right now watching your ever move please be careful. View attachment 59130

Bieber charge your phone

 

[Endeavour]

Thank you so much for your beautifully written reply You are so right with all you've said about Jackie/ #fixthe26, in fact I don't remember anyone phrasing it as perfectly as you have before. Its actually shocking to me how much hatred I see on her fb directed towards vulnerable suicidal people on this forum. I feel they are fuelled way more by anger and bitterness than concern, and forget that their own daughter was a member here, supporting the ethics of the forum.
Sending all my love to you @RainAndSadness xxx

They are a strange bunch, they claim to want to protect vulnerable people, then attack them and call them names. They outed mahakali didn't they? They might very well have contributed to pushing her over the edge, but I guess in their minds some lives are more important than others.

 

[saltshaker]

It's kind if funny watching those FixThe26 people squirm.

 

[TriggerHappy]

hey guys: musing away my irritation - forgive me:- from my non-violent and somewhat (hopefully) enlightened vantage point - i am somewhat inspired to maybe learn how to track n trace / & then stalk & assassinate those that really abuse us (to me it's dangerous to threaten the method of communication for members of a forum seeking / needing communication & understanding) would love to take out some of those closed minded muthafkrs [they could reincarnate as their own species Justifiidicanus Arrogansus (lowly blind fetid-feasting single celled organism)] with me when I go!!! grrr... it really hurts that they don't get us - and there are people like myself that desperately need this forum. a friend explained it is becoming a 'hot therapy topic' requirement (ie: family's threatening they can't / don't login if you want to see therapists etc) aaaaargh
they will never understand / they will always judge and be justified / they will always isolate and blame: it is our choice to be taken over by them we can only control what's under our skins (just us / our reactions & actions)& not the rest of the world...
(i'm overthinking things and feeling overwhelmed) thanks for the rant opportunity

 

[Makko]

non-violent

assassinate

Teach me this method.

 

[ayb]

Jackie:
My country (Canada) is about to legalize assisted-suicide for severe refractory mental illnesses.

Perhaps if such a thing was available in the US (which is decades lagging behind every other developed nation) your daughter might've been able to die a dignified and peaceful death.