Am I stupid for trying to find love right now?

[NutOrat]

I want love. More specifically, I want to be loved. I never give. It's always take take take take with me. I never give anything back, I never repaid my parents, my friends, society. I'm a selfish leech, and anything I do takes away from someone without them getting shit in return. Even when I reply to other people's posts that are clearly desperate cries for help, I somehow manage to spin it all about myself.

In these conditions I, for some stupid reason decided that it's finally worth to start looking for a relationship. I made a profile on a website, listing my fucking worthless interests and detailing all of my flaws. It's like I'm making an anti-advertisement for myself, what the fuck is wrong with me? Why did I even make that stupid account?! Not a single human being would want to have a relationship with a walking bundle of red flags. And then I'm also a freak, OF COURSE, so the chances of anyone accepting me is -100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 lower than they already were.

So, I guess my question is - is it stupid/wrong to put yourself on a dating market (god I hate that we call it that), if you don't have any of your shit together? I've always heard in the scam-fest "self development" content that "you have to first focus on yourself, and after you're stable enough, can you look for a relationship", or something like that. And the young me took that to heart, and focused on himself, until he realized what a worthless piece of shit he is, and then he focused on himself more, but in a self-destructive way, and now I have nothing. I have no aspirations, no job, no life, no friends, no energy, my body is disgusting, my soul is disgusting.

Why did I ride that wave of hope in the first place, I fucking knew where it would end. It always ends like this, I suddenly get a rush of hope out of nowhere, I stop thinking of suicide, I feel a bit happier and start planning for the future, only to be reminded of how much of my shit I'd have to fix if I continue living. What, I thought that someone out there will want to deal with all this? Accept you for who you are? Die alone, loser. FUCK.

 

[mangoastronaut]

I feel you. I felt the exact same way when I was single and looking for a relationship.

Somehow, I landed a partner. Not even on an app but while I was out and saw someone pretty at a store. Which was so odd, because usually I'd be too anxious to talk to anyone at all (my nerves did catch up to me eventually, though, and I said I had to go).

Something they have taught me simply by loving me is that there is something to be loved about me. Even if I don't see it now, even as I harshly criticize myself every day and wish I was dead, they're proof I am capable of being loved and just because I see myself as disgusting it doesn't mean it is so.

"you have to first focus on yourself, and after you're stable enough, can you look for a relationship"

Clearly, being in a relationship hasn't fixed my mental health problems. My partner does help me, though. They have helped me with my self development, and instead of focusing on myself first I focus on myself alongside them.

Hope this helps. I think you're capable and deserving of love, as long as you love back.

 

[fedup1982]

I want love. More specifically, I want to be loved. I never give. It's always take take take take with me. I never give anything back, I never repaid my parents, my friends, society. I'm a selfish leech, and anything I do takes away from someone without them getting shit in return. Even when I reply to other people's posts that are clearly desperate cries for help, I somehow manage to spin it all about myself.

In these conditions I, for some stupid reason decided that it's finally worth to start looking for a relationship. I made a profile on a website, listing my fucking worthless interests and detailing all of my flaws. It's like I'm making an anti-advertisement for myself, what the fuck is wrong with me? Why did I even make that stupid account?! Not a single human being would want to have a relationship with a walking bundle of red flags. And then I'm also a freak, OF COURSE, so the chances of anyone accepting me is -100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 lower than they already were.

So, I guess my question is - is it stupid/wrong to put yourself on a dating market (god I hate that we call it that), if you don't have any of your shit together? I've always heard in the scam-fest "self development" content that "you have to first focus on yourself, and after you're stable enough, can you look for a relationship", or something like that. And the young me took that to heart, and focused on himself, until he realized what a worthless piece of shit he is, and then he focused on himself more, but in a self-destructive way, and now I have nothing. I have no aspirations, no job, no life, no friends, no energy, my body is disgusting, my soul is disgusting.

Why did I ride that wave of hope in the first place, I fucking knew where it would end. It always ends like this, I suddenly get a rush of hope out of nowhere, I stop thinking of suicide, I feel a bit happier and start planning for the future, only to be reminded of how much of my shit I'd have to fix if I continue living. What, I thought that someone out there will want to deal with all this? Accept you for who you are? Die alone, loser. FUCK.

Yeh TBF dating websites aren't gonna work unless you've fostered a desirable attitude. But if you can find a positive mental attitude, that's what it's all about. Hopefully once you're feeling better you'll be able to do a lot more giving so your traits will speak for themselves

 

[zappynomore]

I was the same in the sense I was like I dunno if I should get into anything with anyone cause i am so fucked up and broken.

In the end, I just decided to be very open about my problems.

Like if our roles were reversed I would want a heads up of such problems becfore things got too deep.

I was lucky enough to find someone, and things were good for almost a year. Being loved and cared about, having someone check up on you if you were too quiet, cherring you up if you were, it was special.

As of right now though, we are on a break.

Whatever happens though I think its changed my view point on being loved etc. People often ask whats the meaning of life.

Well, from my recent experiance its to be loved and to love. I aint ever found a better feeling or purpose, than that.

Good luck OP hope u find someone.

 

[fallendevil]

You're not stupid for having a biological urge, I'm in the same boat. But unfortunately they're just dreams, I doubt that it would be the best option for me to get with a partner and breaking their heart once I CTB, unless they're strong willed or also want to do so.

Personally, I think you should find a partner who also has an expiration date so that you can CTB together.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

It's not wrong to want to be loved no matter how screwed up you may feel you are. And let's face it - nobody really has their shit together. My feeling has always been that we're pretty much all faking our way through life and hoping nobody else notices. Not to mention there are millions of deeply damaged people already in relationships.

Maybe it's helpful to not seek out love specifically though. First look for a connection with someone and see how you feel over time based on that. In that sense I think looking for love is sort of like putting the cart before the horse. You need the right ingredients to even be able to entertain the thought of love.

 

[Manfrotto99]

You hear lots of people say you need to fix yourself first or you will just attract the same worthless messed up individual and that is doomed to failure. That has always been the case with me. But I hear stories of people both men and women who were broken and messed up, but still found someone who helped them and through the relationship they healed and found love.

Don't give up if you are still young, we all want to be loved and belong and if we do find someone good for us, it gives us the opportunity to find something that was hidden in ourselves and to learn to love back in return. Give yourself that opportunity, but I'd say just be honest with yourself and others in the process and take it slow to build trust and a connection.

 

[katara]

I understand, I'm single myself and never dated. I always wished I knew what it was like to be loved. I just assumed it would eventually happen for me. I'd even be open to dating a woman at this point bc why not. People really don't get what it's like to be alone. Sometimes I feel like people think I'm a loser sven on here, and so it will never happen for me. I'm not smart, I have no skills, no money. I see women date guys like that but never seen it the other way around so I don't think I have any kind of chance.

 

[MrHappyFace]

Hello! If you want to start dating, you should first see that you are willing enough for it, and that you are basically good enough or worthy enough as you are. If you can somehow encourage yourself and set goals for yourself that you could try to solve every day, you will finally get your affairs in order. By taking certain actions that produce progress every day, you will later prove to be successful. There can be all kinds of frustrating obstacles or coincidences in life, but you cannot give in to uncertainty. Too much uncertainty and being wary of it can lead to many harmful things, such as deep anxiety and depression, suicidality, and aggression, which would make the situation more difficult to solve practically. It would be good for you to know that you are lovable, and it would also be good for you to take care of yourself so you can focus on achieving your dreams.

 

[NutOrat]

Thank you for all your replies people, I feel al bit less.. wrong, I guess? Even if I'll never get a chance, at least I know it's ok to wish.
On a side note, I just thought this was pretty funny: