Fire&Ash
Experienced
- Apr 15, 2020
- 254
hello again. I want to start out and say I am 27F. I was born 3 months premature and I think that effected my development. I know I have learning issues. Understanding social cues, not trying to be awkward and holding a conversation was the first signs I had in life. Later on, poor organization skills, difficulty understanding instructions to simple tasks, math abilities, reading abilities, and more. It's like as I got older my learning issues really showed. I'm always the slowest to do something. It could be cooking, cleaning, doing paperwork, chores, or small tasks at my job. I know I've been always mentally slower but I didn't realize it was this bad. I thought it was ADD so I took stimulants for 2 years but it didn't help my brain process or get through things. I've been always a slow learner.
Anyways, now at my age, I find it hard to keep a job. Even a cashier job is not easy for me because money handling confuses me and so does using the register.
My mom and my sister are my best friends. My mom always says I'm her companion in life. My parents are set more or less they are well off but it's wrong for me to be a leech.
A lot of the times, I see on TIKTOK about how some son who is in there late 20s or 30s stays home and plays video games and doesn't help with chores or bills and I fear that I am that person. I'm ashamed really. I wanted to do better, I wanted to make more money or have friends or relationships. But everything is a struggle because I never "get it" or things don't click. I don't want to be a burden to my parents. I live with my sister and she is a nurse and she mentions a lot on how she can't take care of me and she isn't my "sugar mama" and other things and I just feel so defeated. If I could I would you know? I just know my limits and then I wonder if I'm just lazy and I'm not trying hard enough. It's all so defeating.
Am I overthinking my life? Are these valid reasons to end my life? I know 2 women who have FSA and they are living just fine but somehow I can't.
I don't want to hurt myself because I don't want to destroy my family, but at the end I'm reminded a lot of the time that my life is my life and it doesn't effect others. My family tells me that often. It's their version of telling me I need to get it together but I just can't. I'm so frustrated and broken.
Anyways, now at my age, I find it hard to keep a job. Even a cashier job is not easy for me because money handling confuses me and so does using the register.
My mom and my sister are my best friends. My mom always says I'm her companion in life. My parents are set more or less they are well off but it's wrong for me to be a leech.
A lot of the times, I see on TIKTOK about how some son who is in there late 20s or 30s stays home and plays video games and doesn't help with chores or bills and I fear that I am that person. I'm ashamed really. I wanted to do better, I wanted to make more money or have friends or relationships. But everything is a struggle because I never "get it" or things don't click. I don't want to be a burden to my parents. I live with my sister and she is a nurse and she mentions a lot on how she can't take care of me and she isn't my "sugar mama" and other things and I just feel so defeated. If I could I would you know? I just know my limits and then I wonder if I'm just lazy and I'm not trying hard enough. It's all so defeating.
Am I overthinking my life? Are these valid reasons to end my life? I know 2 women who have FSA and they are living just fine but somehow I can't.
I don't want to hurt myself because I don't want to destroy my family, but at the end I'm reminded a lot of the time that my life is my life and it doesn't effect others. My family tells me that often. It's their version of telling me I need to get it together but I just can't. I'm so frustrated and broken.