Am I just old or everything seems meaningless?

[Tired_of_myself]

Every day that passes, everything seems more stupid, superficial and meaningless.

I'm approaching 34 years old and I've lived many lives up until now - I've had different kinds of jobs, I've traveled to different parts of the world, I've traveled to some parts of the country playing music, etc.

In the midst of all this, my mental health is getting worse. Last year, I have been swallowed by sadness after long years of psychological abuse and depression. Life stopped making sense and I dropped everything an hide. I took a part-time job just to support myself on a basic basis, excluded social media and kept in touch with few people.

The truth is that I look around and nothing makes sense. I don't know if my +30 age or the long years of depression... but the truth is that I'm thinking seriously (and secretly) about CTB again.

Everything reminds me of the failure I feel about myself, just as everything seems like a gigantic effort by everyone to prove who they are. I have no desire to prove myself...

My method, I believe, will be by carbon monoxide or nitrite - I am studying it here.
Last year I survived hanging and taking medication… I don't want to take any more risks and make mistakes.

Meanwhile, I live each day without hope

 

[thewalkingdread]

Yeah...nothing makes any sense to me anymore. Even "happiness" feels so pointless and futile...

I'm only here still because dying kinda sucks too...

 

[SMmetalhead36]

Yeah...nothing makes any sense to me anymore. Even "happiness" feels so pointless and futile...

I'm only here still because dying kinda sucks too...

I agree!

 

[FuneralCry]

The way you feel truly is understandable, I'm also tired of suffering in this meaningless existence, to me existence will always be so incredibly futile. But anyway best wishes.

 

[thewalkingdread]

Life sucks, death sucks... I just wish I were never born into this pigsty.

 

[FitsTime]

Everything reminds me of the failure I feel about myself, just as everything seems like a gigantic effort by everyone to prove who they are. I have no desire to prove myself...

I feel the same.
We have to hope than trying to prove who they are, they'll fail and hurt and everyone will just be friendly towards others once again.
Personally engineering, videogames, books, anime, good music and tv shows still impress me, like all forms of art.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I think our society has sort of programmed us to become nihilistic. Especially over the past couple of decades. Things DO feel meaningless and trite. I've yet to really figure out why that is. But I do think there's an undeniable collective sense of "so what?" towards everything.

When I think about things that are supposed to be important - love, money, travel - I catch myself thinking "who cares?" Nothing really grips me or makes me want to go on. I'm just passing time every day. There's nothing resembling passion or excitement in my world. I sometimes think that's unique to me, that I'm just depressed and it's my own fault if I can't find joy in the small things anymore. But when you dig deeper, you find it's such a resounding sentiment shared by so many people worldwide at the moment.

I won't pretend to have it all figured out as far as what to do about it. But I relate.

 

[theboy]

I'm sorry you are going through that torment. Life really is unfair sometimes. You have done a lot of things and I think you can do a lot more to make yourself feel better.

 

[Tired_of_myself]

Thanks everyone for the support.
Life just sucks, I guess. Feels kind of lonely most of the time, but reading here seems more like symptomatic of our fucked world… guess everything is here to makes us feeling empty… i see no good future for me…

 

[malevolentdiety]

I have bipolar depression PTSD anxiety ect. I think that's your depression talking more then anything. Depression is one of the worst hands you can be given in life. I think it is a horrible disease and sadly we haven't cured it yet but I think we like we will in 10- 20 years