Am I just good at hiding how miserable I am or do people actively try to ignore it

[Yuja]

For a long time I thought that I was just good at masking how miserable and detached I feel from everything. I come off as the goofy / innocent / childish type from the outside to hide how I really am but sometimes the mask slips. There are times where even I myself can tell that my expression is not the one I force. But even then, people usually never notice.

Nowadays I'm really starting to question whether I'm just that good at hiding my expressions or if people purposely don't mention it since it would create an awkward vibe. That would explain why I don't have any deep friendships with anyone. I know a good amount of people, I just wouldn't consider any of them as a true friend since it's not like we go out off campus or anything.

If that's true then damn, life's a bitch isn't it.

 

[Bobo]

I can certainly relate to this. I think you'll find that, largely, people really aren't paying that much attention [edit: in the moment. The broad strokes and vibes tend to get sorted out later, subconsciously.], and what might be a really obvious slip up to you, if it's noticed at all, will be attributed to something else - certainly if they don't have any other knowledge of your mental state. On a subconscious level you might be racking up weirdo points with more attentive people or people with a similar mindset, but nowadays being a weirdo is in vogue.

 

[Yuja]

I can certainly relate to this. I think you'll find that, largely, people really aren't paying that much attention [edit: in the moment. The broad strokes and vibes tend to get sorted out later, subconsciously.], and what might be a really obvious slip up to you, if it's noticed at all, will be attributed to something else - certainly if they don't have any other knowledge of your mental state. On a subconscious level you might be racking up weirdo points with more attentive people or people with a similar mindset, but nowadays being a weirdo is in vogue.

Yes that is something that I have come to realize as well. Most of the time, people just don't really pay much attention. I found it hard to believe at first since I think of myself as someone who is quite attentive to his surroundings but from the perspective of those around me, I guess they have more pressing thoughts to have and it's also true that they don't know anything about my mental state

Thanks for the comment I guess that helped me put things into perspective HAHA

 

[diospyros.kaki]

i agree with the @Bobo. i've received countless comments/questions like "how are you so calm?"/"i wish i was as calm as you" when i'm actually freaking out lol. at most, people think you're a weirdo or in a foul mood.

 

[Special Week]

They're probably just playing dumb in front of you; even if you look sad or angry, people will just glance at you out of the corner of their eye or try to ignore you. most people are just idiots, Even if it doesn't seem like they're judging you, they really are, and a lot. Most people, if they don't know you, won't be upfront with you; they'll just give you a dirty look and that's it