Help am i bipolar?

[heartskippinbeats]

i have been thinking about suicide since last year and half and it has been a very slow, gradual progression. before that, i was slowly doing things that sabotaged my life and my future and, its been culminating over time, and i had outcomes which were very obvious because of all the shit i did. and, the suicidal aspect of it has been growing to the point of me attempting it since last few weeks and recent being 30 mins ago. the most close i came to completing it was where i was about to loose consciousness, i had my earphones on and , the rope was fastening around my carthoid arteries and i was seeing flashing lights and the sound of classical music was slowly cutting out, but at the last moment i chickened out.(i was using partial handing method) i have rope burns(idk what they are called) on my neck and it would cause a huge commotion if my parents notice it, they dont know anything about it.


what i have been thinking about is that maybe i have some kind of bipolar disorder or a condition where i have maybe two distinct personalities, voices in me. like i can feel the chemical activity maybe in my brain where the stress causing chemicals slowly replace with the good ones, and vice versa at times. i can feel myself amping me up and fixing the mess caused by my other self and i am the good one who will fix everything up. i want to get through it sometimes because i know i am amart and i can do stuff and i have some objectives but the current mess made by my other self, all the self sabotaging has only made my good self want to kill myself so everything will be over.

 

[Holu]

i have been thinking about suicide since last year and half and it has been a very slow, gradual progression. before that, i was slowly doing things that sabotaged my life and my future and, its been culminating over time, and i had outcomes which were very obvious because of all the shit i did. and, the suicidal aspect of it has been growing to the point of me attempting it since last few weeks and recent being 30 mins ago. the most close i came to completing it was where i was about to loose consciousness, i had my earphones on and , the rope was fastening around my carthoid arteries and i was seeing flashing lights and the sound of classical music was slowly cutting out, but at the last moment i chickened out.(i was using partial handing method) i have rope burns(idk what they are called) on my neck and it would cause a huge commotion if my parents notice it, they dont know anything about it.


what i have been thinking about is that maybe i have some kind of bipolar disorder or a condition where i have maybe two distinct personalities, voices in me. like i can feel the chemical activity maybe in my brain where the stress causing chemicals slowly replace with the good ones, and vice versa at times. i can feel myself amping me up and fixing the mess caused by my other self and i am the good one who will fix everything up. i want to get through it sometimes because i know i am amart and i can do stuff and i have some objectives but the current mess made by my other self, all the self sabotaging has only made my good self want to kill myself so everything will be over.

Bipolar? No, at least not in the medical sense. I think some degree we all fight with both our sides. One part being your SI and the other being the burning desire to die. That being said those warring characteristics you possess aren't part of bipolar disorder

 

[noname223]

Bipolar? No, at least not in the medical sense. I think some degree we all fight with both our sides. One part being your SI and the other being the burning desire to die. That being said those warring characteristics you possess aren't part of bipolar disorder

I would be careful to give such advices. I have bipolar and I think it does not sound like bipolar but I am not fully sure. However it sounds like OP has a clinical condition. And noone on the internet can give a an accurate diagnosis solely on this short description. I would recommend @heartskippinbeats to talk to a psychiatrist. He could help you with that. Don't rely on the things laymen tell you about diagnoses.

 

[Valky]

I fully agree with @noname223 We can't diagnose you, so if you think you have smth then go to a psychiatrist, they will find out :)

 

[Hollowman]

I fully agree with @noname223 We can't diagnose you, so if you think you have smth then go to a psychiatrist, they will find out :)

Maybe they'll find out

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In this podcast (episode #413) and blog, I speak with best-selling author, journalist and mental health advocate Robert Whitaker about the myth of the chemical imbalance, the politics of psychiatry and Big Pharma, and why we need to change the way we think and talk about mental health...

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[LittleJem]

There is a part of you that wants to live and get better....So why not help that part out as there is no rush to CTB and from what you have been writing you seem like you are a younger member of this forum.

I am lecturing myself because I have a prescription I am avoiding taking, but if you haven't, then please do see a psychiatrist as soon as possible and try medication. It could save your life and make you feel better. It is trial and error, but the sooner you start a medication the sooner it can help you. It is also better for the brain to treat as soon as possible. Leaving it longer makes it worse and harder to treat.

For suicidal ideation OTC, you could also try lithium orotate (maybe combined with L-Tryptophan). Lithium is good for suicidal ideation. Check out the reviews on Amazon and you might also be lucky with it. I was reading today about Lithium and L-Tryptophan being good in combination. I am currently on lithium maybe 250 mg for about two weeks. Combined with an anti-depressant. So far, it has reduced my suicidal thoughts and stopped me crying all day,. I'm still quite agitated and low/mute, but I need some patience perhaps and to give it more time.

Will I take my own advice and swallow the next medication pill I have to try....TBC. My next pills have side effects I don't like very much. But why suffer if maybe you can feel better.

 

[imcurious]

Hey, I am asking myself the same question. I have never seen a psychiatrist but I can confidently say that I struggle heavily with mood regulation. I have questioned if I have bipolar disorder. It shares quite a few symptoms with major depression disorder, but bipolar diverges in that there is a manic phase that lasts several days or longer. This can look like rapid cycling between extreme highs and lows, engaging in extremely risky behavior without much thought prior, having hallucinations/delusions, overactivity, etc.

I would say get a professional diagnosis. Even if it isn't bipolar disorder, you can get help for other conditions if you have them.