Always wishing I knew what to say to comfort people

[woofwag]

I just want to be a source of comfort for people. I want to be the type of person who people really like for how kind and caring and good at giving advice they are. I'm really not that good at it. Every time I try, I feel like I'm lying because I know I am doing awful myself, so clearly I'm not taking any of my own advice. I know it's not always about words, but on a site like here it is, and oftentimes people do want at least some kind of reassurance. I wish I had the perfect thing to say every single time. I know I have said some shit that's really helped people, but I also have often tried to say something helpful but really have nothing to say, or have said something that actually made them feel worse.

Like I'm a dog, isn't this supposed to be my whole deal? Just to hang out and make people happy. It feels so dysphoric to constantly be the fucked up one :(

 

[deny_conformity]

The best thing you can do is listen, ask questions, and show to someone that you are listening and care. I'm pretty bad at it (just ask my ex-wife ) but I'm trying to get better at it for my next lady friend. Practicing an SaSu is proving very useful. It's not about having the perfect thing to say to fix all the problems it's about making someone feel less alone.

I wouldn't say to someone "there, there it'll be okay" or other such bullshit because I know from experience that it doesn't work. So I'm just commenting on things, trying to ask the right questions, and letting someone know a random internet stranger is listening and cares.

 

[xoxo24]

As someone who can not for the life of me speak words that help others, I've recently learned that sometimes JUST listening is fine as it is, people usually just want someone to accept/validate their feelings in a way, you don't always NEED to help, you can just let them know that what they're feeling is ok and that they're heard.

 

[woofwag]

The best thing you can do is listen, ask questions, and show to someone that you are listening and care. I'm pretty bad at it (just ask my ex-wife ) but I'm trying to get better at it for my next lady friend. Practicing an SaSu is proving very useful. It's not about having the perfect thing to say to fix all the problems it's about making someone feel less alone.

I wouldn't say to someone "there, there it'll be okay" or other such bullshit because I know from experience that it doesn't work. So I'm just commenting on things, trying to ask the right questions, and letting someone know a random internet stranger is listening and cares.

Yeah, I try to avoid cliches like "it'll be ok!!!!" because tbh rarely will it actually be ok. At least in my experience lol. I still fuck up a lot and get scared to say much of anything, but trying on here is helpful. I'm very pattern-oriented so I've been trying to observe what different members will say to help people but still I sometimes relate way too much and blank because I'm struggling with the same things. And there's nothing I can say to myself these days to calm me down. But still I want to try, I want people on here to be like "hey, that woofwag guy is pretty cool" lol.

As someone who can not for the life of me speak words that help others, I've recently learned that sometimes JUST listening is fine as it is, people usually just want someone to accept/validate their feelings in a way, you don't always NEED to help, you can just let them know that what they're feeling is ok and that they're heard.

That's fair! I have this issue of silence making me super uncomfortable so often I panic and start saying random shit to fill the space, but I'm trying to get better at it. I hate just saying "I'm sorry, that sucks" and not being able to do much else but sometimes it's all I got. At least yesterday I got to talk with my roomie and it was productive and we both comforted each other well with shit we had kept secret for a long time. And hopefully soon we can mushroom trip together heehhehehe drugz make everything better

 

[kitkatt]

I just want to be a source of comfort for people. I want to be the type of person who people really like for how kind and caring and good at giving advice they are. I'm really not that good at it. Every time I try, I feel like I'm lying because I know I am doing awful myself, so clearly I'm not taking any of my own advice. I know it's not always about words, but on a site like here it is, and oftentimes people do want at least some kind of reassurance. I wish I had the perfect thing to say every single time. I know I have said some shit that's really helped people, but I also have often tried to say something helpful but really have nothing to say, or have said something that actually made them feel worse.

Like I'm a dog, isn't this supposed to be my whole deal? Just to hang out and make people happy. It feels so dysphoric to constantly be the fucked up one :(

I definitely can relate. I want so badly to be a person who could help with anything or give advice but I can't help myself or take my own advice either. As far as worrying about helping or giving advice at the right time I have found point blank asking them "do you want me to listen or do you want me to help?" Helps a lot of the time as far as preventing potential upset. But not always because sometimes advice is good advice but at the wrong time and place it could still hurt their feelings:( also all dogs are good dogs you're trying and that's what matters from a fellow creature I think that makes you a pwetty cool guy

 

[Awesomefoid67]

I just want to be a source of comfort for people. I want to be the type of person who people really like for how kind and caring and good at giving advice they are. I'm really not that good at it. Every time I try, I feel like I'm lying because I know I am doing awful myself, so clearly I'm not taking any of my own advice. I know it's not always about words, but on a site like here it is, and oftentimes people do want at least some kind of reassurance. I wish I had the perfect thing to say every single time. I know I have said some shit that's really helped people, but I also have often tried to say something helpful but really have nothing to say, or have said something that actually made them feel worse.

Like I'm a dog, isn't this supposed to be my whole deal? Just to hang out and make people happy. It feels so dysphoric to constantly be the fucked up one :(

same. i'm terrible at it and i feel so bad about it

 

[woofwag]

I definitely can relate. I want so badly to be a person who could help with anything or give advice but I can't help myself or take my own advice either. As far as worrying about helping or giving advice at the right time I have found point blank asking them "do you want me to listen or do you want me to help?" Helps a lot of the time as far as preventing potential upset. But not always because sometimes advice is good advice but at the wrong time and place it could still hurt their feelings:( also all dogs are good dogs you're trying and that's what matters from a fellow creature I think that makes you a pwetty cool guy

Yeah I think that's a good thing to ask, I'll try that next time ^_^ and hopefully they just say they want me to listen because I fear I will never know exactly what to say lol. I had a couple people tell me recently that I gave some good advice, so, at least there's some improvement. And thank you!! I do try to be a cool dog hehe :3

 

[kitkatt]

Yeah I think that's a good thing to ask, I'll try that next time ^_^ and hopefully they just say they want me to listen because I fear I will never know exactly what to say lol. I had a couple people tell me recently that I gave some good advice, so, at least there's some improvement. And thank you!! I do try to be a cool dog hehe :3

I hope it helps you as much as it's helped me! Also even if they do want advice I just always warn them my opinion isn't the only one out there and they may want to get the advice from a few people so they can make an educated choice for themselves you know lol. But hey a clocks always right at least twice a day I'm sure you have lots of helpful advice :) good luck out there being a helpful doggo!! :3