Always to scared to cut because I didn't want to look ugly. (relatable?)

[greyblue_bian]

I was shamed for not being pretty in middle school a lot to the point where I had mental breakdowns when my hair wasn't flattened (I'm not white to clarify) and when I didn't have any makeup on, or when I wasn't wearing the "right" clothes. I started trying to get my hands on Apetamin because I was too skinny, stealing a ton of makeup from stores, and I wanted big boobs and a big butt. I was flip when I got a scar on my body because it would take forever to heal and I would always get really dark scars. If you guys saw photos of me when I was in middle school compared to photos of the people I wanted to look like, you would probably just say "You're literally 10 in this photo, you looking like this would be impossible unless you waited". Because I really did look that young. And I wanted to look like a full-on 21-year-old. Discovering subliminals at this time didn't help. I have contemplated for years to start cutting as I heard it helped some people feel better, even if it was momentarily, but I was always too scared of being ugly then. I still don't. Can anyone relate?

 

[noname_noface]

If you're scared to self harm, it's not for you. Don't even bother thinking about it.. It's not something you neccasirrly "Choose to do" in a way you choose to do it everytime.. but it's more a mental need. You're trying to force yourself into something you obviously don't want to do because others do it for a way to "cope" but that's how it starts, but doesn't end. For me it became a sever addiction to where i've mutliated my thighs for 18+ years. It's a very embarrassing topic when someone sees them through my ripped jeans. So don't even bother.. Everyones coping methods are different, SH doesn't sound like it's yours.

 

[beyondgone]

Just don't, find something else, hit something, run, scream try anything because once you start it's just a downward spiral especially if you're worried about how it may look to other people, it will only add to your anxiety and make you hate yourself more

 

[SlowlyFalling]

As someone who has self harmed for years, there are two things I can say about it: It is addictive, and it doesn't make you feel better. If anything. it makes you feel worse about yourself. I've tried different types of SH from beating to cutting, and none have actually taken away that pain and frustration with myself. Some things I have found do help: listening to music is very helpful for an impulse, while exercise, especially hitting something like a punching bag can help when you've got more time.

 

[hungry_ghost]

In my experience, self-harming is pointless.

Never did anything for me except raise unwanted questions when people saw it.

Doesn't release endorphins, doesn't relieve any negative emotions.

Just gives the archons loosh that you're hurting yourself in a moment of turmoil.

 

[Saai]

I was shamed for not being pretty in middle school a lot to the point where I had mental breakdowns when my hair wasn't flattened (I'm not white to clarify) and when I didn't have any makeup on, or when I wasn't wearing the "right" clothes. I started trying to get my hands on Apetamin because I was too skinny, stealing a ton of makeup from stores, and I wanted big boobs and a big butt. I was flip when I got a scar on my body because it would take forever to heal and I would always get really dark scars. If you guys saw photos of me when I was in middle school compared to photos of the people I wanted to look like, you would probably just say "You're literally 10 in this photo, you looking like this would be impossible unless you waited". Because I really did look that young. And I wanted to look like a full-on 21-year-old. Discovering subliminals at this time didn't help. I have contemplated for years to start cutting as I heard it helped some people feel better, even if it was momentarily, but I was always too scared of being ugly then. I still don't. Can anyone relate?

Cutting doesn't necessarily make you feel better. It's a distraction. For me it soothed a persistent thought. If there was somthing that bothered me or stuck in my head all day I'd cut. Lol, I think people thought I was just seeking attention. At first I tried to hide my scars, but gave up on that. It's on my left arm. Stupid place to cut.

No body comments on them.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I mean, I am already ugly. However, I find scarring really gross so as much as I hate my body, I don't want to make it look any worse than it already does.

 

[Konnsz]

For me it's complete opposite, the main thing that impulses me to cut myself is to have scars.

But I try to do it only in my left arm

 

[girlboything]

i love my scars lol i think they look cool. ive cut/burned my face at particularly unhinged times. didnt get any scars there though. i have a really nice tattoo on my right arm so i dont do anything to mess that up, though

 

[Maeve]

As someone who has self harmed for years, there are two things I can say about it: It is addictive, and it doesn't make you feel better. If anything. it makes you feel worse about yourself. I've tried different types of SH from beating to cutting, and none have actually taken away that pain and frustration with myself. Some things I have found do help: listening to music is very helpful for an impulse, while exercise, especially hitting something like a punching bag can help when you've got more time.

It's an addiction, yea, but also the pain of the cut gives me a calm moment where I can just breathe, and my brain stops screaming at me. I'm hiding my scares because the thought of the wrong person seeing them scares me. I don't think they are ugly, i personally kinda like em.