Alone and unsure what to do

[leafonatree]

I have multiple mental health issues and my parents do and dont care. My mom says shes supportive but she enables my dad. My dad has abused me from a young age verbally and a few times physically. She cries with me when I bring up my rape and sexual assaults, but her face turns cold and stiff when I mention my dad's violent tendencies, and tells me he would never say the things he does. (Homophobic, disrespectful, saying I was to blame for being raped and bullied)

I'm sick of the cycle of mental torment I'm stuck in, and it feels like all I'm doing is ruining my family. They even shut their bedroom door when my dad doesnt want me talking to my mom...it hurts.

What should I do at this point?

 

[FuneralCry]

That just sounds so awful what you have to endure, it's truly horrific how humans create so much harm in this world. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. None of it sounds like it's your fault. That said- I think it's very difficult with family dynamics. Your Mum clearly wants to be there for you but presumably- also wants to stay with your Dad. It sounds like she simply can't entirely handle hearing all of it because maybe she feels torn. That's not your fault but I don't know if things are likely to change that much. Are there other people in your family or friends you could talk to? People who aren't as directly involved but who would listen?

Do you have any plans to move away from your parents? I'm assuming you're a young adult. Are you studying, or, looking for work? Personally, I was much happier to get away from my childhood home. Still, I know it's so difficult these days with the cost of rent and living.

 

[Sweet Tart]

I learned only in my mid-40s is that the parents are always 100% responsible for discord in the home. It is their job to create a safe space for their children with appropriate behavior and boundaries. It is never the child's fault when their needs are neglected, as your mom is neglecting your emotional needs.

I've had tons of therapy but the only thing that helped me recognize what I was dealing with was joining an online forum for people dealing with similar stuff. Reading the stories and the advice and having a place to tell my stories to people who could relate. When we grow up in abusive and neglectful environments, I think we normalize that because it is our normal.

I feel for you and hope there is a way for you to get out of your parents home. You didn't create the dynamics there and are not responsible for fixing them- it's 100% on them. When you have your own space or family, you can take responsibility for what happens there. So sorry for all your dad has put you thru and that your mom has enabled and participated in.

 

[leafonatree]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. None of it sounds like it's your fault. That said- I think it's very difficult with family dynamics. Your Mum clearly wants to be there for you but presumably- also wants to stay with your Dad. It sounds like she simply can't entirely handle hearing all of it because maybe she feels torn. That's not your fault but I don't know if things are likely to change that much. Are there other people in your family or friends you could talk to? People who aren't as directly involved but who would listen?

Do you have any plans to move away from your parents? I'm assuming you're a young adult. Are you studying, or, looking for work? Personally, I was much happier to get away from my childhood home. Still, I know it's so difficult these days with the cost of rent and living.

I have no money, I'm disabled, and I'm weeks from an admission to an EDU for ARFID. I'm genuinely considering ctb at this point as my girlfriend (ldr) just pointed out my mom is just as bad as my dad in this situation. Literally on my kitchen floor crying rn because I dont know who to turn to and I've never felt so unwanted and lonely in my life

 

[Forever Sleep]

I have no money, I'm disabled, and I'm weeks from an admission to an EDU for ARFID. I'm genuinely considering ctb at this point as my girlfriend (ldr) just pointed out my mom is just as bad as my dad in this situation. Literally on my kitchen floor crying rn because I dont know who to turn to and I've never felt so unwanted and lonely in my life

I'm so sorry. Is that a stay in an Eating Disorder Unit? Have you been admitted before? Weirdly, I'm currently watching the documentary 'Supersize vs Superskinny' and they recently looked at a place. I guess they all vary but it did look as if they could give people support. It must be really upsetting to not feel the support of your family though. I'm so sorry. Is your girlfriend close?

 

[leafonatree]

I'm so sorry. Is that a stay in an Eating Disorder Unit? Have you been admitted before? Weirdly, I'm currently watching the documentary 'Supersize vs Superskinny' and they recently looked at a place. I guess they all vary but it did look as if they could give people support. It must be really upsetting to not feel the support of your family though. I'm so sorry. Is your girlfriend close?

It is yeah, and I have. As I said in my post, I was raped for the first time when I was 16, then a handful of months later my best friend started sexually harassing me which triggered a full blown anorexia relapse and I was hospitalized an hour from home for 5 months. Then in 2021 I was like, bmi 12 or something, so I was hospitalized again but for 8 months. I'm really wanting this time to work but at the same time I'm genuinely worried that I'll go, recover a fair bit, and then come home and all my progress will be undone. My dad refuses to change and my mom enables him...what good will recovery in a temporary living space do if itll all come undone as soon as the harsh words and emotional neglect start up again?

It is yeah, and I have. As I said in my post, I was raped for the first time when I was 16, then a handful of months later my best friend started sexually harassing me which triggered a full blown anorexia relapse and I was hospitalized an hour from home for 5 months. Then in 2021 I was like, bmi 12 or something, so I was hospitalized again but for 8 months. I'm really wanting this time to work but at the same time I'm genuinely worried that I'll go, recover a fair bit, and then come home and all my progress will be undone. My dad refuses to change and my mom enables him...what good will recovery in a temporary living space do if itll all come undone as soon as the harsh words and emotional neglect start up again?

And my girlfriend is in america...I'm in the UK. Our halfway point is vancouver, a place I would love to live someday with her away from our abusive homes, but I just dont know if that will happen or if I'll even make it past tonight

 

[Forever Sleep]

It is yeah, and I have. As I said in my post, I was raped for the first time when I was 16, then a handful of months later my best friend started sexually harassing me which triggered a full blown anorexia relapse and I was hospitalized an hour from home for 5 months. Then in 2021 I was like, bmi 12 or something, so I was hospitalized again but for 8 months. I'm really wanting this time to work but at the same time I'm genuinely worried that I'll go, recover a fair bit, and then come home and all my progress will be undone. My dad refuses to change and my mom enables him...what good will recovery in a temporary living space do if itll all come undone as soon as the harsh words and emotional neglect start up again?

And my girlfriend is in america...I'm in the UK. Our halfway point is vancouver, a place I would love to live someday with her away from our abusive homes, but I just dont know if that will happen or if I'll even make it past tonight

I'm so sorry. You've suffered a terrible amount. I really wish I knew what to say to help. Are you able to tell the people in this place how your home life contributes to how you feel? I don't really know what they are able to do but they must come in to contact with people from dysfunctional homes a lot. Perhaps they could talk with your parents on your behalf. It almost seems like they need counselling.

 

[leafonatree]

I'm so sorry. You've suffered a terrible amount. I really wish I knew what to say to help. Are you able to tell the people in this place how your home life contributes to how you feel? I don't really know what they are able to do but they must come in to contact with people from dysfunctional homes a lot. Perhaps they could talk with your parents on your behalf. It almost seems like they need counselling.

Oh they definitely need counselling, they just wont accept it. I keep trying to say I cant get better if things dont change, but they wont change...so...I'm stuck