All this talk about CTB: What is holding you back from just doing it, or at least trying?

[Cockney_Rebel]

I'm just making sure this is absolutely what I want and trying to think of one solid reason not to. Maybe life will toss me a bone but I highly doubt it.

Starting to iron out the fine details for my plan though.

Mind sharing any details of your plan?

 

[CatTheBus5689]

Mind sharing any details of your plan?

I plan to use a 12 gauge shotgun with 00 buckshot ammo. I'm going to go to an abandoned parking lot for this store that closed a decade ago and probably call 911 to report a body before I pull the trigger. Might even take some antidepressants prior to amp up my suicidal intent and suppress my SI.

Still working out the finer details but that's the gist of it.

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

Could you not jump?

Or do what I did once, and book Into a hotel for a night (overdose.)

I'm too much of a pussy to jump, partly due to the risk of becoming a vegetable should I survive.

 

[Jbones]

Child, husband, family.

 

[MellowAvenue]

Honestly my best friend. I'm worried about how it may impact him if I was just suddenly gone. I'd also feel obligated to send him a goodbye message and don't really want to drop that on him. The last time I came close to actually going through with an attempt I had wrote a message for him but backed out when I realized I couldn't bring myself to send it.

 

[Bedrock48]

I'm still trying to recover and make some sort of worthwhile life to live. I know suicide is an endpoint, and if I actually attempt again I will do everything in my power not to fail. Figured while life is not pummelling everything out of me I'll give recovery a go. Still feeling that urge to ctb but it's not the urgent 'GOT TO BE RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW' more just 'it's gonna happen sometime, maybe soon, maybe not. Death would be nice but I'll do x first'.

Other than that, a little bit of SI and knowledge of the damage my suicide will cause.

 

[Cockney_Rebel]

I'm still trying to recover and make some sort of worthwhile life to live. I know suicide is an endpoint, and if I actually attempt again I will do everything in my power not to fail. Figured while life is not pummelling everything out of me I'll give recovery a go. Still feeling that urge to ctb but it's not the urgent 'GOT TO BE RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW' more just 'it's gonna happen sometime, maybe soon, maybe not. Death would be nice but I'll do x first'.

Other than that, a little bit of SI and knowledge of the damage my suicide will cause.

What method did you use before, buddy?

 

[Bedrock48]

What method did you use before, buddy?

Bit of everything, full suspension was first then some half-hearted partial attempts in the psych ward. A couple ODs since then of caffeine and of apricot kernels (cyanide poisoning). Also got stopped by a stranger on a bridge once but I really don't count that one as an attempt.

 

[Cockney_Rebel]

Bit of everything, full suspension was first then some half-hearted partial attempts in the psych ward. A couple ODs since then of caffeine and of apricot kernels (cyanide poisoning). Also got stopped by a stranger on a bridge once but I really don't count that one as an attempt.

You sound quite determined, just like me.

I've tried various things, in a multitude/torrent of attempts.

 

[Bedrock48]

You sound quite determined, just like me.

I've tried various things, in a multitude/torrent of attempts.

Haha yeah you could say that about me. I've definitely regretted each failure, whether I felt I was close or not. It really sucks. Feel like the last few have been closer each time so that seems like a good sign to me.

Although not actively suicidal rn, the thought I could succeed in future is definitely soothing.

 

[Cockney_Rebel]

Haha yeah you could say that about me. I've definitely regretted each failure, whether I felt I was close or not. It really sucks. Feel like the last few have been closer each time so that seems like a good sign to me.

Although not actively suicidal rn, the thought I could succeed in future is definitely soothing.

I'm currently deciding whether or not to overdose tomorrow.

I intended to do it on Monday just past, but just couldn't get myself over the line. That was a first for me (bottling out, basically) and I am SO FUCKING ANGRY about it!

It's my birthday on Sunday, and I like being in hospital for my birthday, so ODing tomorrow would guarantee that.

I like everything about overdosing, apart from the actual bolting (taking) of the tablets, and the inevitable sectioning once I've been medically cleared.

I'm classed as "extremely" high risk by the mental health service, and the AMHPs don't let me go anywhere! But the bastards don't want to help me, so what else do they expect? They've systematically sat back and literally watched me decline to this point, so fuck them.

FUCK them.

 

[zenn7]

I would feel guilty not putting things in order. I have a few vehicles to sell and back taxes to file.
otherwise I would do it tonight.
I plan to drink a bottle of vodka and put a noose around my neck before downing a full tab of fentanyl. Seems like a solid plan- I'm concerned with these comments about messing up full suspension????

I plan to use a 12 gauge shotgun with 00 buckshot ammo. I'm going to go to an abandoned parking lot for this store that closed a decade ago and probably call 911 to report a body before I pull the trigger. Might even take some antidepressants prior to amp up my suicidal intent and suppress my SI.

Still working out the finer details but that's the gist of it.

Wish it were easier to get a gun in Canada.

 

[Cockney_Rebel]

I would feel guilty not putting things in order. I have a few vehicles to sell and back taxes to file.
otherwise I would do it tonight.
I plan to drink a bottle of vodka and put a noose around my neck before downing a full tab of fentanyl. Seems like a solid plan- I'm concerned with these comments about messing up full suspension????

Wish it were easier to get a gun in Canada.

… and even easier in the UK!

 

[Bedrock48]

I'm currently deciding whether or not to overdose tomorrow.

I intended to do it on Monday just past, but just couldn't get myself over the line. That was a first for me (bottling out, basically) and I am SO FUCKING ANGRY about it!

It's my birthday on Sunday, and I like being in hospital for my birthday, so ODing tomorrow would guarantee that.

I like everything about overdosing, apart from the actual bolting (taking) of the tablets, and the inevitable sectioning once I've been medically cleared.

I'm classed as "extremely" high risk by the mental health service, and the AMHPs don't let me go anywhere! But the bastards don't want to help me, so what else do they expect? They've systematically sat back and literally watched me decline to this point, so fuck them.

FUCK them.

I'm definitely seeing the pain behind your words, I wonder if talking about doing so the other day was just enough to hold it off. Talking to people who actually understand and can sympathise to an extent ease things. That release sometimes brings a little sense of relief, maybe one that didn't even register consciously.

Either way, I understand your frustration. I've felt that myself many times while on the edge. Hope I'm not making things worse with my words, I'm kinda shit at talking lol.

It's really unfair the system is essentially leaving you in the lurch, really they should be keeping enough of a check on you and giving you the skills to ideally stop the ODs. That sucks and I'm sorry.

I plan to drink a bottle of vodka and put a noose around my neck before downing a full tab of fentanyl. Seems like a solid plan- I'm concerned with these comments about messing up full suspension????

I was a desperate 17 year old when I tried full, was my first attempt and I was stone cold sober. For me it was mainly SI caused by discomfort that ultimately caused my failure. Few more seconds and I would've like been a goner. My setup was good enough that backing out actually almost killed me in itself but alas I'm still here.

 

[Cockney_Rebel]

I'm definitely seeing the pain behind your words, I wonder if talking about doing so the other day was just enough to hold it off. Talking to people who actually understand and can sympathise to an extent ease things. That release sometimes brings a little sense of relief, maybe one that didn't even register consciously.

Either way, I understand your frustration. I've felt that myself many times while on the edge. Hope I'm not making things worse with my words, I'm kinda shit at talking lol.

It's really unfair the system is essentially leaving you in the lurch, really they should be keeping enough of a check on you and giving you the skills to ideally stop the ODs. That sucks and I'm sorry.

You sound like a lovely person: Thank you for your kind words.

Actually, I reached out for much of the day, calling suicide lines and the Samaritans etc (trying to trigger myself) but that actually backfired, as I ended up with the police at my door, then had to wait for an ambulance to be assessed.

Honestly, I couldn't have been more honest or blatant about my suicidal ideation/plans, but they still let me go. One of the paramedics actually thanked me for making his job easier, as he said that in his 4 years experience he has never met anyone so honest. He said he was extremely worried about me, that I was in the highest risk category, but that he'd spoken with the mental health "crisis line" and they said that I'd be ok to go back home.

I did end up cutting myself later that evening, to punish myself for not going through with the OD, and ended up with a further ambulance and a fire engine at my place at around 3am … they were going to put my door in, so it's lucky I woke up (think I'm now on my 4th front door at this point!).

And you're great at talking, and listening, so please don't be so hard on yourself.

I haven't taken my medication (poison) for two months now, and I feel like I can see clearly now? I feel very flat, and I believe that's why I never ODd on Monday. I just couldn't get the excitement levels up enough.

I kind of think like I've been cured (EUPD/BPD & OCD) but then again, about 4 weeks ago I tried to douse myself in petrol and set myself on fire, got sectioned and ODd with 70 zopiclones whilst on the ward, got discharged and immediately came home to overdose on 48 paracetamol, got discharged again last Monday, and I'm now clucking (desperately wanting) to overdose again. So, would you say I'm cured?

I'm really confused at the moment, buddy.

 

[Peter1976]

Don't want to hurt my kids. And my mom.

 

[Largeletters]

You sound like a lovely person: Thank you for your kind words.

Actually, I reached out for much of the day, calling suicide lines and the Samaritans etc (trying to trigger myself) but that actually backfired, as I ended up with the police at my door, then had to wait for an ambulance to be assessed.

Honestly, I couldn't have been more honest or blatant about my suicidal ideation/plans, but they still let me go. One of the paramedics actually thanked me for making his job easier, as he said that in his 4 years experience he has never met anyone so honest. He said he was extremely worried about me, that I was in the highest risk category, but that he'd spoken with the mental health "crisis line" and they said that I'd be ok to go back home.

I did end up cutting myself later that evening, to punish myself for not going through with the OD, and ended up with a further ambulance and a fire engine at my place at around 3am … they were going to put my door in, so it's lucky I woke up (think I'm now on my 4th front door at this point!).

And you're great at talking, and listening, so please don't be so hard on yourself.

I haven't taken my medication (poison) for two months now, and I feel like I can see clearly now? I feel very flat, and I believe that's why I never ODd on Monday. I just couldn't get the excitement levels up enough.

I kind of think like I've been cured (EUPD/BPD & OCD) but then again, about 4 weeks ago I tried to douse myself in petrol and set myself on fire, got sectioned and ODd with 70 zopiclones whilst on the ward, got discharged and immediately came home to overdose on 48 paracetamol, got discharged again last Monday, and I'm now clucking (desperately wanting) to overdose again. So, would you say I'm cured?

I'm really confused at the moment, buddy.

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Damn, I'm so sorry for all this... I really empathasize with you, I wish there was more I could say.

 

[Bedrock48]

Honestly, I couldn't have been more honest or blatant about my suicidal ideation/plans, but they still let me go. One of the paramedics actually thanked me for making his job easier, as he said that in his 4 years experience he has never met anyone so honest. He said he was extremely worried about me, that I was in the highest risk category, but that he'd spoken with the mental health "crisis line" and they said that I'd be ok to go back home.

Honestly reading this feels like I'm looking at a mirror of my own experiences. I told then I had plan + intent + resources and they just told me to sleep?!?! They say to call if you're a danger to yourself but when you call they tell you they don't have the training to deal with a mental health crisis. The mental health system is absolute insanity sometimes, oddly ironic if you ask me.

further ambulance and a fire engine at my place at around 3am … they were going to put my door in, so it's lucky I woke up (think I'm now on my 4th front door at this point!).

Oh dear, that sounds expensive. I just left my keys on the door last time but it was kinda terrifying waking to three people staring at your then lifeless self lmao.

So, would you say I'm cured?

I wouldn't, no. However I think you're definitely struggling on many levels rn.

I'm really confused at the moment, buddy.

I can tell, it's a very confusing time especially with the state of the system. All I can really say is I'm sorry and I hope there's better days ahead for you.

 

[Justnyc]

Mind sharing any details of your plan?

Hanging method with alcohol

 

[highndry]

I'm going to next week