Hi I'm a 19 year old guy.
My life has always been shitty from having really messy family to being myself very messy.
As a child I've been raped multiple times I was alone and scared as my mother was in another country working and same for my father I stayed few years at my grandma house and a few at my aunt house then I just started going back and forth between my native country and the country my mother was working in and now I settled here.
At the start when I moved here I made friends I went out played football life was actually good but then the bullying started at the park in school no matter where I went I got called names and that made me close in myself I started staying home just endlessly playing the computer and nothing else then I started skipping school just to stay home till I left it completely. In the meantime I actually managed to find some girlfriend many cheated on me one was loyal but left me because of my insecurities and doubts and then I found this girl amazing in everything but she left me too just one month ago I've tried my best to make things right but she dosent want it at all she said that I've changed the change she means: going from being bisexual innocent skinny to not being obsessed with the war and not believing in God. In this past year I've change it I now belive in God, I am interested in the war (Russia Ukraine) as it's close to my country I wanna go to the gym and being less skinny and being able to defend her I wanna make money and im in the process of doing that and this is also for her as I wanted to give all this money to her to spend it on her to make her dreams come true but she refused it all. I think thats bullshit I did all this things for you to leave me in the end? I feel hatred I feel remorse I feel sad I feel suicidal I feel a big big big pain in my chest everyday and I can't fill it back. Im trying to love myself more im trying to be happy I'm trying to feel better alone but this pain keeps coming back and it keeps my driving insane to the point where I wanna end it all and all I'm waiting is for a little courage and motivation to do so.
Now tell me as an outsider what would you do in my shoes would you hate her and destroyr her or move on and be happy on your own?
My life has always been shitty from having really messy family to being myself very messy.
As a child I've been raped multiple times I was alone and scared as my mother was in another country working and same for my father I stayed few years at my grandma house and a few at my aunt house then I just started going back and forth between my native country and the country my mother was working in and now I settled here.
At the start when I moved here I made friends I went out played football life was actually good but then the bullying started at the park in school no matter where I went I got called names and that made me close in myself I started staying home just endlessly playing the computer and nothing else then I started skipping school just to stay home till I left it completely. In the meantime I actually managed to find some girlfriend many cheated on me one was loyal but left me because of my insecurities and doubts and then I found this girl amazing in everything but she left me too just one month ago I've tried my best to make things right but she dosent want it at all she said that I've changed the change she means: going from being bisexual innocent skinny to not being obsessed with the war and not believing in God. In this past year I've change it I now belive in God, I am interested in the war (Russia Ukraine) as it's close to my country I wanna go to the gym and being less skinny and being able to defend her I wanna make money and im in the process of doing that and this is also for her as I wanted to give all this money to her to spend it on her to make her dreams come true but she refused it all. I think thats bullshit I did all this things for you to leave me in the end? I feel hatred I feel remorse I feel sad I feel suicidal I feel a big big big pain in my chest everyday and I can't fill it back. Im trying to love myself more im trying to be happy I'm trying to feel better alone but this pain keeps coming back and it keeps my driving insane to the point where I wanna end it all and all I'm waiting is for a little courage and motivation to do so.
Now tell me as an outsider what would you do in my shoes would you hate her and destroyr her or move on and be happy on your own?
