exzźy
the deeper the grief, the closer is God
- Apr 17, 2024
- 11
Loneliness has accompanied my life since I was a child. I was raised in a unfeeling and unloving family; my father served his sentence in prison and mother had her own life. To them, I simply meant nothing. This had a great effect on me, and I suffer the consequences of my childhood even these days.
Around the age of 15, I met a girl. Naturally, I became obsessed with her, I loved her so much that I didn't even mind being abused at that time. I knew that I was being used, and I also knew it was illegal because of the age gap between us, but it didn't matter to me, I was willing to endure anything for the few kind words and company I received in return. After 11 months of this self-called "relationship," a wave of unfortunate events occurred in our lives and I lost her, literally.
I don't know if she was a fatal factor in my condition or if I was like this before we even met, but a few kind words or even just a polite greeting can make me obsessed with a person to my core and love them unconditionally for the rest of my life. I'd literally eat them out of my love for them, and the sad part is that I don't mind being used, nor do I have any desires or preferences as an individual, I do what I'm told to do, as long as it makes them happy.
I tried to seek help numerous times, but I always ended up with empty hands. I know I'm mentally fucked. Likewise, I know I'm beyond being fixed, and there's no help for me and I'm sick of it; this existence is driving me insane.
Around the age of 15, I met a girl. Naturally, I became obsessed with her, I loved her so much that I didn't even mind being abused at that time. I knew that I was being used, and I also knew it was illegal because of the age gap between us, but it didn't matter to me, I was willing to endure anything for the few kind words and company I received in return. After 11 months of this self-called "relationship," a wave of unfortunate events occurred in our lives and I lost her, literally.
I don't know if she was a fatal factor in my condition or if I was like this before we even met, but a few kind words or even just a polite greeting can make me obsessed with a person to my core and love them unconditionally for the rest of my life. I'd literally eat them out of my love for them, and the sad part is that I don't mind being used, nor do I have any desires or preferences as an individual, I do what I'm told to do, as long as it makes them happy.
I tried to seek help numerous times, but I always ended up with empty hands. I know I'm mentally fucked. Likewise, I know I'm beyond being fixed, and there's no help for me and I'm sick of it; this existence is driving me insane.
