Venting Alcohol and anhedonia

[MathConspiracy]

Yesterday was supposed to be the highlight of my mind-numbingly dull and hopeless week. I was supposed to get wasted with a friend. I know I shouldn't be drinking but I'm literally out of nice things to do – sitting on my bed and surfing the web all day long is not very fun.

So, me and this friend had gotten all the drinks ready and started talking. It didn't take long for me to reach the characteristic alcohol high. I was laughing and speaking my mind! The friend I was with, however, wasn't drunk at all. She said she was worried about me. I feel like everyone is nowadays! And though I try to keep things from them, sometimes they just slip from the tongue (especially when drunk). I just laughed and said I have no future.

Well, as the evening progressed, the friend told me to stop drinking. It was her flat so I had to respect her rules. Almost immediately my high crashed and I got immensely sleepy and depressed again. I was so disappointed – I thought that particular friend was one of the fun ones. But I guess she's just as anti-suicide as everyone else. I think I started talking about how I see no point in life, how I wish for it to end, which made my friend deduce that I am "depressed".

Maybe I am. I used to have a rich inner life. Now my mind is empty and it's been like this for months. I see no point in my hobbies and only do things to pass time. Hope I can CTB soon.

 

[kunikuzushi]

Yeah I get that. Why can't we just cope by speaking our mind about the meaningless of life, hopefully with a friend? Most people can't handle being exposed to those thoughts because they force them out of their delusion that life is inherently meaningful and worth living. So they either get angry or shocked or worried about you. Well there's nothing to really worry about if we're finally laughing and feeling something and able to talk about these thoughts freely. I really get it. And I feel that deep emptiness too. I'm sorry you had to go through this disappointment.

 

[Halfhourdays]

Please continue the story. What happened with your friend? Did she send you home? Are you still on speaking terms with her?

 

[MathConspiracy]

Please continue the story. What happened with your friend? Did she send you home? Are you still on speaking terms with her?

Alright, so this friend said she's gonna go to bed and that I should take the bus home. She escorted me to the bus stop. The friend I was with has had a fair share of shit in her life but at the moment she's doing really, really well and has plans for the future unlike I do. I was feeling so down that I thought about drinking the rest of my liquor and passing out into the ditch. But that would not be a very pleasant death, would it?

Regarding your question, yes, we are still friends. The friend I was with was only mildly annoyed by my behavior. She's actually studying to be a cop so she's familiar with drunk fucks.