Discussion AITA kept quiet on suicidal ex

[SoLowHollow48]

It's been almost a year guys. June 23rd is only a few weeks away.

I kind of wondered if I should use the Vent tag but I went ahead and used the Discussion label instead because this is an open discussion about my past decision.

So, me and my ex, we were best friends before we became lovers. I saw her cycle through boyfriends before she decided that she wanted to be with me. I loved that she chose me. We were both women and something about her finally choosing me in spite of all the men on her trail got me feeling some type of way.

I tried to be the best partner I could be. I know that buying affection is not good but it was the only way I knew how to express love. That and tolerance.

I was aware that my ex was suicidal. She had ideations. She knew mine too. She helped me recover and push through in 2021 after my dad's death. She was there to help me even if we were on long distance.

We were always on long distance. When we met, it was always good.

But then we broke up. Long story short, we parted ways, I still worried about her wellbeing because while she had always been suicidal, she was also depressed.

Her mother was already aware of her depression. Most likely aware that her daughter was on treatment and on meds. I needn't have to tell her family about that.

But I never told them about her suicidal tendencies. I never told them about our last fight (after the separation) regarding her desire to truly commit suicide.

And I blamed everyone else that chose to listen to her not to tell me anything months leading to her suicide when she cut all contacts with me.

But truly, the only person whom I should blame was myself. I should've just told her family about it. She would've been institutionalized. It wouldn't be nice but at least everyone would know then that she was a danger to herself and we could all band together and do something about it.

Anyways, am I THE asshole for not telling the people around her (family and close friends) about her mental degradation?

*Referring to it as mental degradation because her depression did worsen and that was what broke us before her suicide. That drove her into the void. She was a user here. Sue Sydell was her username. She was just 22 years old.

And the sole reason why I have a love-hate attachment with this site and everyone who made it "live".

 

[SASU-KE]

You did the right thing. Keeping the confidence of your friends and partners is the most important thing you can do. She chose her fate and is at peace now. Rest easy, I truly don't believe you're at fault.

 

[persistentheartache]

I think when there is a certain determination to CTB, people will make efforts to prevent people from being able to stop them. including making sure certain people don't know about it.

If she was telling people not to make you aware, I imagine that she knew you might try to stop her.

I don't think you messed up by not telling her family the details of her mental health problems. I know there's a weird line between respecting privacy and keeping someone safe. It doesn't sound like you were being negligent or that you wanted any of this to happen.

Sometimes we do our best and things like this still happen. You sound like you were a good friend and partner.