Ages of members.

[itsamadworld]

i agree, but people know this themselves very well. Especially here. I didn't see many posts from impulsive people here. Most stories are about people who thought about it for decades and they are very self-aware.
And you start with the premise that you have to be in a bad situation to consider to CTB. That is not true. Some people just ask themselves the question: "Why should i even keep existing?". The two people that i personally knew in RL who took the rope were all very well set up and had no known problems. I myself had a good or above-average life and still i am here. And even thought that some people would be jealous about what i had, at the best moment in my life i was just kind of ok with existing.

We read those "hold on, it gets better" a million times, so let me balance that a bit by extending those questions:
c. If you improve your situation, do you tHhink you won't consider suicide anymore? Would a better job and more money really make your life suddenly worth living?
d. What could be the best case that could happen? And if you commit suicide and miss the opportunity for that very unlikely best case, does it even matter?

I'm in a similar situation. I had good jobs, been relatively okay externally compared to some. But when a person has Mental Illness (BPD, Aspbergers) from a negative childhood experiences. My worldview is just so tainted. Even though I have friends, I have to constantly split- because I see most humans as cruel, and I have zero interest in going to work anymore, feeding the system, starting a family, being in existence. I have felt suicidal since 6 years old as my daddy was beating my ass with a board. Toughen a sensitive child up to become a good slave. My dad and my mother as well, both grew up in poverty, and became pretty successful..... so i imagine it terrified them that their offspring could face a similar fate. I always thought in my head, if life is so tough, depressing and full of anxiety and hardship(it was for both my parents) Why did you bring me into existence to suffer? Because poverty is not the only way in which people can suffer., obviously, cuz even when my parents got out of poverty, the suffering and anxiety et. did not lift... I am 39 now....and I never stopped wanting to die....40 has always been my goal. I just want to make the depression and anxiety go away...I want the negative feelings to stop, and death is the only way, I think....

 

[Deathcabforugly]

I'm 39. I try to keep in mind that everyone on here is suffering and not judge young people that are here.

I'm 39. I try to keep in mind that everyone on here is suffering and not judge young people that are here.

If you respond to this post with TLDR, I'm gonna laugh my ass off! That happened to me the other day, I posted like 2 sentences and got a TLDR response

 

[watereyes]

Since I'll be going soon I might aswell explain.. I didn't read everything but it sounds like most of you are here because you are suffering, and I'm sorry to hear that. I'm 18 and I've been worse. I don't want to live because I know the good moments in life aren't worth the suffering. All I want is some peace. If life is meaningless, I don't have to keep going. Sure, there's no universal law that prevents me from getting better. But I dont see why I would. It's not really the pain that makes me want to die. I just don't want to exist. I don't want to face life. And that's ok. The sooner the better.

 

[Nolye]

I'm 29 years old and...

Since I'll be going soon I might aswell explain.. I didn't read everything but it sounds like most of you are here because you are suffering, and I'm sorry to hear that. I'm 18 and I've been worse. I don't want to live because I know the good moments in life aren't worth the suffering. All I want is some peace. If life is meaningless, I don't have to keep going. Sure, there's no universal law that prevents me from getting better. But I dont see why I would. It's not really the pain that makes me want to die. I just don't want to exist. I don't want to face life. And that's ok. The sooner the better.

Pretty much this. If I could press a button to just stop existing and erease every memory my parents have about me, I would press that button so quickly... I think people here just want peace, we want the pain to stop, and can anyone really blame us?

 

[watereyes]

I'm 29 years old and...



Pretty much this. If I could press a button to just stop existing and erease every memory my parents have about me, I would press that button so quickly... I think people here just want peace, we want the pain to stop, and can anyone really blame us?

to be fair I want to ctb even more when I'm happy. When I'm depressed I'm like 'meh..' When I have the SN I'll go for it.

 

[Moreofthesamepain]

Hey that's exactly my situation. Only diff is mine is (soon to be was) 3 employee company. This lockdown has wiped out everything ... live with parents now .. My desire to ctb has just become more intense n am more depressed than ever.

I completely understand. I truly, truly do. I don't know how long I can take this. I am so hopeless that anything will ever get better, or that I will. I'm sorry you're going through a similar experience. I was already in a bad place and now I don't even know if ill ever recover. My parents are amazing and want to help all they can, but I have such guilt for having to rely on that. They don't want me to feel that way but I can't help it. They are why I haven't ctb but I feel so desperate. I have started my life over many times and I just don't know i can this time. If you want to talk reach out.

 

[Halnas]

to be fair I want to ctb even more when I'm happy. When I'm depressed I'm like 'meh..'

Same here. When i am in a bad mood i am apathetic and couldn't care less about whether i die or not.
It's the moments when there are no immediate worries when i think that now would be a good time to go and when i consider it.

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

I am one of the young ones. I am 19 years old. I have been depressed for as long as I can remember. I started cutting at 12 and that led to suicide attempts from the age of 15. I have had enough of life. I know that people would argue that I am only 19 and have so much to live for but to be honest I am tired of this pain. I am tired of hurting this much. I have PTSD from being physically hurt by a family member and bullies during my childhood, watching another person be sexually abused and losing my carer/ best friend to suicide. I've tried so hard to help myself and it always gets shitted upon. Being Autistic is also hell, it's a hidden disability that no one else can see and so no one believes your difficulties especially if you write. I am reliant on adult support for day to day life and so I am a burden to others. Constantly being told that I am the reason that people drink. I am trapped. This life isn't for me. It was only 19 years, but it was still 19 years of hell that I never asked for.

 

[terry_a_davis]

40s, wish i was in my 20s again

 

[liverpoolfan]

52 year old checking in. Hale and hearty and physically and mentally strong. Never had a suicidal tendency or suffered from depression or mental illness - although I've always been passionate about the right of people to control their own lives and deaths. Had a pretty good life and most of my dreams came true.

My mum and dad died of lung cancer and lung cancer/Parkinson's respectively. Also I've lost a couple of good mates to cancer. I don't have any family and I don't want to end up weak and helpless and pitiful like my parents. So when my strength starts to fail, I'm out of here. Maybe N, maybe a gun, dunno. Everything is better than cancer and dementia.

I would counsel younger people to think carefully about what they want. One of the things you learn as you get older is nothing, good or bad, lasts forever. So whatever seems insurmountably serious now might seem trivial in a few years.
Having said that, I believe that once you're an adult you are in charge of your life and if you want to end it that's your business and no one else's.

 

[disconnection]

I'm mid 30s but I feel a lot younger. I feel like I never really became an adult at all. I can't cope with setbacks and break down all too easily. Lack confidence I guess. Last year was the worst year of my life and even before coronavirus I'd lost everything. Now the future just seems even more impossibly bleak in terms of rebuilding a life, career. And I've stopped wanting anything at all anyway. I have no interests at all. It's really weird. I can't actually remember if I've always been this way or not. I think I have but usually focusing on work or how I can get back to work has distracted me enough. Now what? And more to the point, why...

 

[BPD Barbie]

First suicide attempt at 14, I'm now 30 and have had a few more since my original. Sexual abuse as a child and several mental illnesses are what drive me. Mental health has no age limit and neither does abuse.

 

[blivogade]

Im 18, going on 19 soon and ive had countless amounts of people telling me im too young, that ive got so much to live for.
I've been struggling with mental health issues since i was a young child. My life has been riddled with neglect, trauma and abuse.
This will be my 9th year of being in therapy/mental health services, alas to no avail.

 

[Moreofthesamepain]

Having a bad day myself. Does anyone else fell like they're not even "here"?

 

[AcornUnderground]

I think it's a reasonable question, I sit in the middle of young/old at 41. Im regard to the young tendency of this site; maybe the "older" crowd Is more perhaps in the Final Exit/Exit International forums, and usually have more physical ailments or "tired of life" instead of the profound depression, anxiety, mental illness and no desire to be here as seen so much on this site. There are "older people" here, too, for all sorts of reasons. But Christ, much of the older crowd may be dead by now if were living in that kind of suffering people express here ! Everyone is so different. Mental and physical issues abound bring us here in suffering.
I think that perhaps it can be difficult to draw a hard line between pro life and pro choice, because while some people here see life as inherently bad and a horrible experience they were thrust into - because their life has been bad since the beginning, since childhood, etc. - with experiences like that, the world can not be seen as a place of magic or beauty or good. Some of us have had great life experiences that ended with mental or physical illness, bringing us to the point of considering ctb and therefore see hope and value in life if it can be lived. It doesn't make that person not pro-choice, just by valuing life. I've seen plenty of people here that are openly confused about how they feel - hopeless and depressed, wanting to die but at the same time not wanting to give up on life. Is it survival instinct? Hope? Fear? Guilt? Wanting to stay? Some, or all of these things? Each story is different and I don't think it's too off track to encourage anyone young or old to be sure they really want to go, particularly if they are voicing their own uncertainty. Life can change in an instant, for better or worse. I wish we all had much easier problems than what we wrestle with on this site.

 

[Green Destiny]

Being in my mid 20's it's not exactly easy to be optimistic about the future. Global warming, famine, possible war. And that was before the virus put the earth into a stranglehold. Given how bleak things are getting I wan't assurance that I can at least leave on my own terms should things go from bad to worse.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

25

 

[Walilamdzi]

23

 

[Remember to forget]

Having a bad day myself. Does anyone else fell like they're not even "here"?

Yes all the time. Like I am living outside looking in.

 

[epic]

I second your concerns @Moreofthesamepain . I don't understand all the "angry reacts" on a well meaning post.
I am only in my 20's and am suffering from a physical condition. Like you said I would love a second chance at life. Unfortunately I have been served a bad hand as my health will always be a downward graph. Only about a year ago, I was ambitious and well set academically, after the discovery I am just a lazy,sad and unmotivated man.

 

[Idledays]

I'm 29.

I find this post a difficult one. Its a tough one because the truth of it is we don't know each others pain, suffering, and their lived experience.

At the same I cant help but to look at a close friend who was severely suicidal between the ages of 14 and 21 who is now living a (mostly) happy life. Of course not everyone's life will turn out like that.

Its futile to say things will get better when we don't know that's true. But then again i think everyone deserves the chance to find out that things will get better for them, and life is weird, and cruel, but sometimes unexpectedly beautiful in the long run. For some.

Nobody's suffering should be prolonged, but nobody's life should be ended before they had a valid opportunity to experience happiness.

Its a hard one, and only one an individual can decide, but I do think age plays at least some part in verifying if CTB is truly their only option.

 

[Lampost]

Seems to be so many younger people here. I see so many posts about parents finding you. You gotta give yourself a chance to live and figure out who you are and what you're made of. We all have pain. Everyone does. What makes some of you who are younger want to die? We all have our reasons, but I'm just wondering. I'm not questioning your feelings at all, or judging anyone, just trying to understand better. Were all suffering from something, or we wouldn't have found this site. I'm 51 BTW, been suicidal since 2007 but the love of my family and friends has kept me alive so far.

I've tried for 16 years to be at least ok with myself I've meditated focused on breathing tried hobbies and some low key drugs like weed but in the end I've never been happy I keep arriving at the same place of self hate I've lost my best friend to suicide ,my family is slowly turning their back on me, I'm failing school because I can't think properly and all the things I hear the worst part is I'm self aware I, I know it's a broad aspect of things but self awareness is truly the worst. That's why I'm so angry and confused

 

[SleeplessSoul]

I can see your point but I also understand why people have reacted the way they did? I'm 23 but I've been suicidal since I was 10 (self-harming from 7). I was a young carer for my mum so I didn't really get a childhood. I've found good friends, who are basically my family and I'm starting a PhD soon. Despite all that, I am incredibly suicidal. I'm trying to push through it, but I'm still going to be real with myself that I don't intend any longer than I can hold onto.

 

[Weightoftheworld]

I guess I'm not so young anymore, I'm 27, but I've never felt like I've belonged. I've always wanted to leave this earth, even as a child, I'm not meant to be here. I've held on for my parents, my kids, but I started developing health problems last year so it's more of an incentive to CTB.

 

[Skylight]

I'm in my 30s, but I remember being suicidal over a decade ago, so I try to not judge anyone who is on the younger side here. But they usually do have the most opportunity for change too. I know when I went to college everything changed for me, not necessarily in a good way, but it changed and I was able to experience some things I wouldn't have otherwise. I mean, it's all gone now, so it doesn't really matter. I guess I'd just want the younger people to hold onto some hope, but I also know what that feels like and where it gets you...

 

[idontevenknowanymore]

I'm 21 and been suicidal since I was 14/15 because of emotional abuse in my family, tons of bullying, lost many people that I loved with all I had. Started selfharming at age 14/15 as well, got help last year bc my boyfriend asked me to but 2 psych wards, a lot of therapy and medication later, I'm at this bad place again. I ruined my body with my binge eating disorder and the selfharm. I wasted so many good years to depression and anxiety and it only got worse. I don't see a point in trying anymore.

 

[purplesmoothie]

I'm 26 but haven't been happy since I was around 16.

 

[LastRide]

It was just a question. It makes me sad to see young people in this situation. This is also a place to come for support. And, BTW my SN is sitting on my kitchen counter with my ibuprofen, Ativan, tagamet, and seroquel. Soooo...null point there. I'm not a prolifer and I have unsuccessfully hanged myself in the last 2 weeks, but si set in twice....ya can throw that out of your argument. I was curious as I don't seem to see as many people on our age range. So, judge as you wish.

PLEASE all of you - let us not judge ! The young on this forum have their reasons to be here and so have the "slightly older" ! The very old just do not seem to have caught on to internet use yet that's why they're not here, otherwise I'm sure they would ! FYI I'm 48 and have had suicide on my mind (more than that - 2 failed attempts - method lacking !) since my 20's, but in the meantime there has been some relief since I thought I had found true love finally and my life was thanks to my partner in the end turn out for the better....oh how wrong one can be ! Anyway, the reason my ctb has been determined is that a) yes, I have tried almost everything and it has not turned out satisfactory 2) there is not much more left to try, since the only things that would interest me would require a great physical effort and due to my health issues I am no longer capable of even attempting it (I would love to die in some glorious attempt at bravery, I should have thought about it earlier while I was still fit enough to join the army....missed my slot there ! But as so often happens in life....) 3) I am trying to get my "bucket list" done before my ctb date but I notice that almost all of that list has been done....
So, I am not asking why young people would be considering ctb, but why would slightly older (yeah come on let's be kind, let's not call them "elderly" !) people consider it? Apart from obvious physiological reasons? You who are out there give us some feedback please !

I'm 39. I try to keep in mind that everyone on here is suffering and not judge young people that are here.

If you respond to this post with TLDR, I'm gonna laugh my ass off! That happened to me the other day, I posted like 2 sentences and got a TLDR response

Sorry stupid me again, but what is TLDR????

 

[AngrySkillet]

46...long enough to have lowered every damn standard I've ever had!

 

[Broken Chimera]

I'm in my 30's but I've wanted to die since I was a child. I saw at a young age how this world works and I hate it. Things only got worse as I got older. It doesn't get better with age. I could get rich tomorrow and I'd just use it to buy some N. The few pleasures in life isn't worth the pain I've suffered. After losing everything, while I was young made me realize that life isn't worth it.

@LastRide tldr - Too long, didn't read. It's a shortened version of your post.