age when people feel the need to CTB

[justanotherhuman237]

I think its very obvious that people aren't born wanting to end their life and there definitely is an age where the thought doesn't even ever cross a persons mind. most of the people that I've known that have a death wish say that they became depressed and had these thoughts at varying ages. when i discuss these feelings with my closest friends, who also feel that way, the conversation usually comes back to how long we have been having these thoughts. me personally i was diagnosed with depression at the young age of 11, became suicidal around age 13 and had my first friend Ctb when i was 13. however a lot of people say they didn't have these types of thought until they were in their late teens or older. one friend went through an experience that left us both with trauma but she didn't end up seeing any results of that trauma until she was 21, while it affected me when i was around 12. so what im curious about is what age did you start having these feelings? is there an age you think most people do or does it vary for everyone?

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that in my case even when I was very young I found so much comfort in the the thought of death as soon as I was aware of what it was. I cannot remember much of what it was like when I was very young but honestly wanting to die is all I really know and is all that feels right for me, death truly is the only relief for me and I see suicide as the only rational thing to wish for in this cruel and meaningless existence. I certainly think it's very much understandable that so many people want to die from a young age.

 

[Lulzacruel]

a lot of depression starts in the teenage years or when a person is in their 20's or 30's

for me im honestly just tired of my insomnia and my job as a suicide hotline worker

 

[Is0lated]

Honestly for me it started once I was 10. Seeing how much my mom attempted to ctb just fascinated me. I had mixed feelings about it but here I am.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it depends on whether the ideation is triggered by a specific event- in which case, there are plenty of people here who have had traumatic childhoods. Or- whether you mean ideation in a more philosophical sense- in which case- maybe that develops as we age.

I began having suicidal thoughts when I was 10 but they were due to very specific things. I was mourning the loss of 3 close family members but what really did it for me was growing up with what I believe to be a narcissist. Had that not happened- who knows? Maybe things would have turned out differently. I don't think ideation shifts very easily once you have accepted it as an option.

I think if things are shit enough in your life, you can become suicidal at any age. Who wants to live in fear and pain? I don't think it takes a mature brain to realise you want out of a bad situation.

I'm not sure whether it's ages 6, 7 or 8 I've heard here as the youngest someone first developed their ideation. kind of shocking really and terribly sad. I do at least remember bits of my life when I didn't want to kill myself.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I think its very obvious that people aren't born wanting to end their life

This is true. There must be certain trigger points in life to develop a depression and suicidal thoughts. This is nothing that happens from one day to the other day it's a long process.

I was neither depressed nor suicidal in my childhood, teens and for most of my life. What triggered it was a big failure in life a few years ago.

There might also be other reasons to become depressed and develop suicidal ideation. This is a complex topic.

 

[Darkover]

at 18 after a breakup with my gf

 

[アホペンギン]

I first had the urge to ctb when I was 8 years old due to how I was being treated. The way I was treated never changed since and the urge to ctb only increased exponentially.

 

[conarc]

I first had the urge to ctb when I was 8 years old due to how I was being treated. The way I was treated never changed since and the urge to ctb only increased exponentially.

And then you "failed" CTB and came back like nothing happened?

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I think it was the second I learned about it. If not, it wasn't long thereafter.

 

[Catlove]

at 18 after a breakup with my gf

If that's the reason, I think you're undermining the value of your life. I'm not belittling your situation but surely it's worth more than a single person.

 

[Darkover]

If that's the reason, I think you're undermining the value of your life. I'm not belittling your situation but surely it's worth more than a single person

you a pro-lifer

i first became suicidal because my gf broke up with at age 18 now 37 not had another relationship since no sex for 19 years i'd of been absolutely right to kill my self, i'll never had what i need or want just this depressing lifetime, no girl i would want would ever want me, desire some love but get nothing instead the need for intimacy is a strong desire within me

 

[Catlove]

you a pro-lifer

i first became suicidal because my gf broke up with at age 18 now 37 not had another relationship since no sex for 19 years i'd of been absolutely right to kill my self, i'll never had what i need or want just this depressing lifetime, no girl i would want would ever want me, desire some love but get nothing instead the need for intimacy is a strong desire within me

I'm a realist, what I mean is that you should explore your horizons a bit before reaching any conclusion. I haven't CTBed because the world is so vast that I think it'd be a waste to not explore the little bit that I can with the life I have now.

 

[Darkover]

I'm a realist, what I mean is that you should explore your horizons a bit before reaching any conclusion. I haven't CTBed because the world is so vast that I think it'd be a waste to not explore the little bit that I can with the life I have now.

the world shits there nothing to see here or explore, you can't even being to imagine how much i've been though because of that relationship breakup it ruined my whole life

 

[nicotine_goblin]

I had my first attempt after a rough break up at 16, cut my wrists. It was more of an impulsive thing that may have had something to do with mental struggles I started having around that time, specifically depression and self harm. Now at 21 I've had recurrent suicidal ideation and worsening episodes of depression that didn't correspond with anything in life. Still trying to see if I can get better but with my prognosis I'm likely to be burdened by recurrent depression and suicidality for the rest of my life. The depression ruined my education attempts, relationships, drained joy out of everything I used to like. It's my main reason for considering ctb

 

[Catlove]

the world shits there nothing to see here or explore, you can't even being to imagine how much i've been though because of that relationship breakup it ruined my whole life

I'm not undermining the fact that it ruined your life. I just think it's possible to recover from the harshest heartbreaks with the right mindset and sometimes with help from others

 

[Darkover]

I'm not undermining the fact that it ruined your life. I just think it's possible to recover from the harshest heartbreaks with the right mindset and sometimes with help from others

yeah well i never did recover and never will so your wrong

 

[Catlove]

yeah well i never did recover and never will so your wrong

Nothing is impossible if you believe in yourself, it seems like you don't. Also it's not healthy to have such a black and white approach to life, nothing is completely right or wrong

 

[Darkover]

Nothing is impossible if you believe in yourself

living forever is impossible, no amount of believing in yourself is going to prevent your certain demise

 

[Catlove]

living forever is impossible, no amount of believing in yourself is going to prevent your certain demise

That's because nothing is permanent in this world.

 

[Darkover]

That's because nothing is permanent in this world.

no shit but you said nothing is impossible if you believe in yourself so your contradicting yourself

 

[Catlove]

no shit but you said nothing is impossible if you believe in yourself so your contradicting yourself

Both those rules work together. I never mentioned time as a constant so I haven't contradicted myself

 

[HopeisjustaPoison]

I was obsessing about and fascinated by suicide before, but felt my first true suicidal ideation at about age 16 after being accused by my so-called "BFF" of subconsciously making trouble and causing suicidal ideation in others and being uncaring, when I didn't even know.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I became suicidal at age 14, it was brought on by the hormonal changes in puberty so nothing I could´ve done to prevent it.

 

[abcz]

I think I first became depressed sometime by 7th grade. Woulda been after 3rd grade though as I moved. It turned to feeling down about myself in 8th grade so like 13/14. The next year I think I felt suicidal for the first time shortly after my birthday so age 15. I didn't even realize that I felt this way myself until later. I thought it was just a "test" and if I slept in the bathtub with water, I deserved to live. Needless to say, I had gotten cold and decided it was incomplete. I had given my fish to my sister though and written notes and stuff. The next day, my school got emailed by a friend and I was taken to the hospital.

 

[sserafim]

Ever since I was young, I never wanted to grow up. I never wanted to be an adult. I never wanted to live past 18, and I always thought that I would never reach 18. When I was on a plane, I remember thinking about how nice it would be to die in a plane crash. I guess this was more of a passive ideation though, as I never had any concrete plans to ctb

 

[abcz]

Ever since I was young, I never wanted to grow up. I never wanted to be an adult. I always thought that I would never reach 18. I guess this was more of a passive ideation though

I guess I never saw that as being suicidal tbh. Just not wanting to grow up. Although idk about you, I think a part of me believed it was possible. Like originally I thought that when I had my period, I thought using any products would cause it to be permanent. Same with wearing a bra. Unfortunately they can be permanent without using these things, as even when not using them for like over a year when I probably shoulda, things never reverted.

 

[sserafim]

I guess I never saw that as being suicidal tbh. Just not wanting to grow up. Although idk about you, I think a part of me believed it was possible. Like originally I thought that when I had my period, I thought using any products would cause it to be permanent. Same with wearing a bra. Unfortunately they can be permanent without using these things, as even when not using them for like over a year when I probably shoulda, things never reverted.

I was bullied in middle school when I was around 12-13 but I don't think it made me actively suicidal, just depressed and even more socially anxious. However I do think I was passively suicidal though, and it left me with ptsd.

I also had something traumatic happen to me when I was barely 18. I think 18 was when I became actively suicidal, that event left me with long lasting trauma and I was constantly thinking about ways to die. I considered jumping off of my balcony but never got to it

 

[BlockHammer]

I felt suicidal when i was 20 years old, idk about other people but if it was me, if my life get more mess up. Probably im going to commit suicide before the age of 30

 

[Spiritual survivor]

I think this varies for everyone who wishes to exit. Some people are in agony at young ages especially if they are being abused or have severe illness.