So, you see. I've seen many people dead and dying. I work with and around death.
I fluctuate between science and chemicals and logic, and comfort. Logically, all we are is a bunch of chemicals and electricity in a wet blob encased in a box. Death is just that blob ceasing. If contiousness is an evolutionary trait that makes us live longer and reproduce more, then existence is nothing but a means to survival.
Trying to resuscitate a dead body is the cold hard truth that we are shells. The more you do it, the more you see that this flesh vessel is a bunch of nothings put in an order that makes sense and can sustain itself for a period of time.
But I've seen death long enough to spark a suspicion whether there is something more or not. We as a species are way too limited to understand the intricacies of the universe and the phenomenon of life and counciousness. Maybe the next step, in our limited knowledge is unexistance, because we are not made to experience the "more". Maybe when we pass, we get set free and access this "more", maybe not. Selfish thoughts (pain, pleasure, happiness) don't make sense in an eternal after, so we cannot fathom it.
I now live my life doing what makes sense to me. Pain comes, pain goes, as does everything. The end is entropy. Now I am, then I was and next I will not. What I have is now. Then I hurt a whole lot. Now I don't. Next, maybe? So fuck it, I invent whatever afterlife I like and imagine myself in it, it's all speculation anyway. Whatever comforts me when death comes to mind. Whenever it comes, then we'll see.