Afraid of relationships because of my wish of death

[vertigokandy]

I want to ctb that is a fact, i cannot change that fact, but i feel incredibly guilty to make friends i will eventually leave. I have left behind so many good people because i don't want them to mourn over something that will bring me peace, they don't understand it. But i want to feel loved, i am selfish enough to want a relationship with someone in a romantic sense but i know that will just hurt them in the end, i know it's stupid to dwell on the consequences of my choices but i wish i could die knowing someone loved me, not out of pity, or for being relatives, i want to know if i could be different, maybe i could have a beautiful life, instead of regret for pushing everyone away.

 

[cherrysquick]

i feel you, i've isolated myself from many relationships in the past because i didn't want to hurt them once i'm gone. wanting to be loved is completely normal. honestly i think you either have to accept the pain that comes with not having anyone close in order not to hurt them or the guilt of others mourning you after. i hope you find the love and peace you deserve, sending hugs

 

[WannaBdoneSufferng]

Me too. I will not start a new relationship. I can do nothing but make another suffer.