
sleepy dog
Wizard
- Sep 13, 2019
- 624
For some reason this one hurts so much.
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agreeFor some reason this one hurts so much.
I couldn't do it. I mean, I could, but I couldn't. The first time I tried, it worked, leaning forward, two washcloths cushioning me, rope with the knot against my carotid. I felt the warm tingling and I started to lose it, my legs started to tremble and I was going. I was so shocked. I pulled back and fell backwards with a jolt, my whole body shaking like I was having a fit and I started hyperventilating.
I tried three more times and each time the same. Tingling, warmth, fading and legs buckling. I could have gone on any of them but I couldn't do it and I don't know why. I can't stop crying. I just want to go but I don't know what is stopping me.
I couldn't do it. I mean, I could, but I couldn't. The first time I tried, it worked, leaning forward, two washcloths cushioning me, rope with the knot against my carotid. I felt the warm tingling and I started to lose it, my legs started to tremble and I was going. I was so shocked. I pulled back and fell backwards with a jolt, my whole body shaking like I was having a fit and I started hyperventilating.
I tried three more times and each time the same. Tingling, warmth, fading and legs buckling. I could have gone on any of them but I couldn't do it and I don't know why. I can't stop crying. I just want to go but I don't know what is stopping me.
Theoretically, outside the logic of this site, that is a good thing and hopefully you will recover and keep living.I could have gone, it was working. The reason it didn't work was I pulled back at the last moment.
I could have gone, it was working. The reason it didn't work was I pulled back at the last moment.
How are you feeling, Rita?
The shock has worn off. I feel shaken, numb. Disappointed in myself. Frustrated. I made a call to someone 10 minutes before I tried and now I will have to explain it, god knows how.
Nothing. They didn't answer. I just have no idea how to explain a 4am phone call to a person who knows I'm in a lot of distress.
No, but they know I'm a mess.Do they know you're suicidal?
Nothing. They didn't answer. I just have no idea how to explain a 4am phone call to a person who knows I'm in a lot of distress.
Yes, I think I'll just go with that. It's plausable. Thank you.If it was a cellphone its easy to believe your finger accidentally pressed the wrong contact listing.
This thread is to support @RitaM . If you want to discuss methods go do it to a pertinent thread.
I wish you peace and I hope you find some kind if happiness in death that you couldn't find in life.I plan to ctb tonight, to give it my everything. I have taken some diazepam and have the rope ready to go. I'm drinking my favourite Viognier. I live alone but I'll wait until people in my block have gone to bed in case my body thrashing around alerts anyone. I feel calm in my decision. I believe it is the right thing to do. I have left my will and a suicide note. I have tried to be kind, and have left my most valuable possessions to my dearest friends. Everything is ready for them.
I wasn't loved as a child. I never attached to my mother who was unable to look after me and my father died when I was 22. My life has been mostly suffering. I have felt alone my entire life. I have tried hard to make it work, to be happy, but I can't do it anymore. My heart is broken. It's there, behind my ribs, but the beat has gone. I see no reason to go on. I want to go to sleep.
Thank you to everyone here who has been so kind. Raising a glass to you. See you on the other side. Rita x
I wish you peace and I hope you find some kind if happiness in death that you couldn't find in life.
Oh no!She didn't succeed.