Adieu

[MeltingHeart]

Yes that's unfortunate. I too had a mentally ill Mom, so I empathize a lot.

Same! wish id had one that family person that was kind/ caring-wanted me-im kind of jealous of people on here that say they are worried to do it as they mum or dad would be devastated-but at the same time, logially I know everyone has there own reason to ctb-not all just because of parents/ upbringing-still jels thou!

 

[Blackjack]

Same! wish id had one that family person that was kind/ caring-wanted me-im kind of jealous of people on here that say they are worried to do it as they mum or dad would be devastated-but at the same time, logially I know everyone has there own reason to ctb-not all just because of parents/ upbringing-still jels thou!

That's natural. When I was young I always gravitated to friends who had great Moms. Then I always wanted to be a Mom to right the wrongs of my childhood & provide an upbringing that I never had. Now my kids Mom is being taken away from them in a cruel way. So I can't win for losing.

Sorry for hijacking your thread Rita. I wish you peace. xo

 

[MeltingHeart]

You're all so sweet and kind. I'm giving it one hour from now and then I'm going to attempt.

Dont know why but it makes me feel sadder when you see a piccy on here-and now ive read some posts-feel like we have atleast a little similar background. Do you feel yr main reason is losing yr dad and having detached mum? you have friends you obvs value (same) they are not enough? you look youngish-maybe around same age as me actually. if I am prying too much-and at a time when you are through talking- no worries-apologise if so

 

[RitaM]

It's just the whole thing. I don't think I ever stood a chance. I'm in my 30s. I can't take the pain anymore, can't bear the thought of having to endure another day. Yes, things may look up in the future but I'll be back here all over again, sooner or later. I feel at peace with my decision.

 

[MeltingHeart]

That's natural. When I was young I always gravitated to friends who had great Moms. Then I always wanted to be a Mom to right the wrongs of my childhood & provide an upbringing that I never had. Now my kids Mom is being taken away from them in a cruel way. So I can't win for losing.

Sorry for hijacking your thread Rita. I wish you peace. xo

why taken away? as in ctb? My friends relationships with their family, used to make me so envious and loaded with bad emotions and I never wanted to be a jealous type of person-im not generally but just on that one fact.-now ive hijacked thread too!-i better get off here! Just feeling lonely

 

[RitaM]

Sorry for hijacking your thread Rita. I wish you peace. xo

Not at all sweetheart x

 

[MeltingHeart]

It's just the whole thing. I don't think I ever stood a chance. I'm in my 30s. I can't take the pain anymore, can't bear the thought of having to endure another day. Yes, things may look up in the future but I'll be back here all over again, sooner or later. I feel at peace with my decision.

Im also in my 30s and feel the same-I will drink vino when the time comes too-im sorry for yr pain-but glad you feel at peace with yr decision-where's that peace emoji when you need one? peace to you.

 

[Taetre]

I wish you a peaceful and succesful journey, hope everything goes as planned. Love.

 

[SNistheway]

Have a good passing Rita! I may be joining you in a few hours with my SN. I wish you peace.

 

[TowerUpright]

I'm sorry we've not crossed paths, but I wish you peace whatever follows.

 

[RitaM]

Yes that's unfortunate. I too had a mentally ill Mom, so I empathize a lot.

I think my mum is perhaps autistic. That's my therapist's view anyway. She treated me like a personal therapist, was unavailable and is unable to do things for herself - her IQ must be quite low I think. She was also abusive. I feel nothing more for her than I would a stranger in the street, I've felt that way my whole life. I feel no connection to her at all.

 

[inthespines]

I think my mum is perhaps autistic. That's my therapist's view anyway. She treated me like a personal therapist, was unavailable and is unable to do things for herself - her IQ must be quite low I think. She was also abusive. I feel nothing more for her than I would a stranger in the street, I've felt that way my whole life. I feel no connection to her at all.

Are you her only child?

 

[RitaM]

Are you her only child?

No, I have an older brother. He is also quite disturbed and regrettably we are estranged.

 

[inthespines]

No, I have an older brother. He is also quite disturbed and regrettably we are estranged.

Does she have any contact with him? The "unable to do things for herself" reminds a bit of my mother. In my case I'm positive she does it as a way to try to connect to me. Showing me how dependant she is of me.

 

[RitaM]

Yes, they have some contact and I think they still live in the same town. I don't know if it's that she can't do things or that she won't. She couldn't take a train for example, or read a timetable. She struggles to follow simple instructions. It was very hard to grow up with, thinking all of this was normal.

 

[inthespines]

Yes, they have some contact and I think they still live in the same town. I don't know if it's that she can't do things or that she won't. She couldn't take a train for example, or read a timetable. She struggles to follow simple instructions. It was very hard to grow up with, thinking all of this was normal.

Very understandable. Must be one hell of a burden to be met with abuse and at the same time be expected to be a mother to your own mother. So she has always been like that?

 

[RitaM]

Yes, always, and that's exactly it. She expected me to mother her and that never changed. I stopped contact with her years ago and only in the last year had sporadic contact with her. She has made no effort to meet me.

 

[inthespines]

Can I ask why there was some contact the last year? I take it as it was you who initiated it, or did you just happen to bump into each other?

 

[RitaM]

I snapped and demanded the money my father left me from her. She had withheld it from me because he died intestate. She gave me some money but not all of it, just small amounts in dribs and drabs. So we exchanged a few messages and had a phone call. I realised nothing had changed. She still expected me to mother her and I detached.

 

[inthespines]

No fairy tale ending there then. Such a shame she could't have changed just a little and treat you in a decent manner, both regarding the inheritance and her job as a mother.

 

[Blackjack]

why taken away? as in ctb?

I'm dying of ALS, but will drink my N soon.

 

[RitaM]

I'm dying of ALS, but will drink my N soon.

I am sorry. x
It's time for me to go. I'm going to set up the rope now. I'll post again before I make the attempt(s).

 

[alexithymia]

I wish you peace, Rita. I'm so sorry for all the pain you've experienced throughout your life.

 

[MeltingHeart]

I'm dying of ALS, but will drink my N soon.

im so sorry

 

[RitaM]

OK, this is it, I hope. Goodbye everyone. I know I might fail but I'm really going to try my best. If I fuck it up, see you later. If not, see you on the other side. x

 

[Gorgon]

Sweet dreams love❤

 

[Worndown]

I wish you peace, Rita. I'm so sorry for all the pain you've experienced throughout your life.

Peace be with you.

 

[Lethe]

Best of luck. I wish you'd reconsider your method, but it seems your mind is made up.

 

[color_me_gone]

 

[TiredOfLife95]

Good bye Rita, have a peaceful exit